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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate them staying..

145 replies

baristababe · 17/02/2023 23:01

DH parents live abroad (ex pats who moved over there) we have a 3 bed, only 1 double bed in the house, 5yo dc has a cabin type bed in his room (too small for an adult) and baby has her own room and a cot. Downstairs is small ish living room and kitchen.
When his parents come over they insist on staying at our house for 2 weeks straight. They take our bed (even when dd was newborn) giving us option of sofa of airbed. Can't relax in my own house with them as we see them so little I'm really uncomfortable, and whole house just feels upside down. I feel like I can't go up to our room as that's where all there stuff is and I get "doesn't she want to be with us" comments,
When we were a couple with 2 double beds it wasn't too bad. But now we're a family of 3, it's unpleasant.
AIBU to ask them to get an air B&B/hotel next time!? Dp seems to think that would be an outrageous ask.

OP posts:
TenoringBehind · 18/02/2023 07:41

Of course YANBU.

You need to take back control of this situation.

maranella · 18/02/2023 07:48

The selfishness of some people never ceases to amaze me! Kick a new mother out of her bed a couple of weeks after giving birth so you can sleep in it instead???? Fucking hell. OP YWNBU to insist on an Airbnb in future. Your house sounds far too small to accommodate another two adults for two weeks. A weekend maybe, but no longer. You need to get your useless DH to stand up to his parents though. He sounds almost as bad as they are.

Pricklyheath · 18/02/2023 07:51

ivykaty44 · 18/02/2023 07:38

tell them you'll book an airbnb and either they stay in it or you will

Two weeks would be at least £900.
Thats a lot of money.

Pricklyheath · 18/02/2023 07:52

The parents should stay somewhere else but OP shouldn’t have to book or pay for it.

heartchakra · 18/02/2023 07:56

That's not on!

AGoldenNarwhal · 18/02/2023 08:03

You have a 3 bedroom house and they come to visit once a year. They should not have kicked you out of your bed after you had had DC, but really you ought to be able to fit them in. It's not a huge ask for your DP to be able to host his parents very occasionally, even if their visit is something of an endurance test for you (so long as he pulls his weight and is doing the extra chores that come with visitors).

The problem is your room set-up. You should not have to give up your bed. In your situation, I would either get a double in your older child's room to replace the child-size bed or put in a small sofa bed.

ItchyBillco · 18/02/2023 08:04

baristababe · 17/02/2023 23:08

DD was 2 months old and still in our room. I said they could stay but we kept our bed. The night they got to us the air bed wouldn't blow up properly. I said ok, myself and DC will go stay at my parents, you have our bed. Then I got "using it as an excuse to clear off" comments. They said they would just have the airbed but then DP made me feel terrible about it and they commented to him how unwelcome I make them feel. I had a newborn, PND and just wanted my own bed. They're not pleasant people really.

Your husband thinks it outrageous to ask his parents to stay somewhere else for two weeks? I think it’s outrageous they were happy to turf a postpartum woman out of her bed to sleep on an airbed. And not content with that, they made shitty Jones at you.

Your husband is your problem here. Two weeks is a very long time to host, especially when you really don’t have the space. Could a sofa bed go in one your kids’ rooms? And could the kids share?

I personally don’t think you should have to do that but it might be better if they can have a sofa bed and you can keep your room.

ItchyBillco · 18/02/2023 08:04

Jibes. Not Jones.

ItchyBillco · 18/02/2023 08:06

LadyJ2023 · 18/02/2023 03:00

We always give up our room for in laws or family staying. It doesn't bother us and they never ask for it either. We just love having family stay and its good for our kids. Our kids happily sleep anywhere aswell when company stay so there's always make shift beds on the floor and me n dad nab on set of bunkbeds lol

Maybe you have nice inlaws. The OP doesn’t.

TheChoiceIsYours · 18/02/2023 08:06

Your husband forced you out of your bed and onto the floor to sleep so his parents could be more comfortable after you had just given birth to his baby?

That’s utterly disgusting and I would be honestly heartbroken if mine did that.

You are directing your anger in the wrong place OP. Your husband is the problem here. It’s easier to cross with his parents but he’s the issue. Horrible little man.

TheChoiceIsYours · 18/02/2023 08:08

Are you afraid of your husband OP? Because he sounds like a manipulative bully and if mine tried to turf me out of my bed for his parents having just given birth, I’d have told him to fuck right off. The fact that you meekly went along with it is a bit concerning.

musingsinmidlife · 18/02/2023 08:11

You need to get a sofa bed or something you can use in one of the kids rooms. Then the two kids can share when they visit or one can bunk in your room and they can have the other room.

Two weeks in an AirBnB is really expensive. It sounds like they make the effort to come to you and that is likely a preferred option than you trekking your family to them. They are already paying for flights. It isn't fair to expect your DH to forego all further visits with family. You just need to find a better way to accommodate them without needing to give up your bed.

Emmamoo89 · 18/02/2023 08:11

Yanbu

UdoU · 18/02/2023 08:12

Poopgal · 18/02/2023 07:26

could it be a cultural thing? I ask because I’m from Eastern Europe and would never dream of NOT giving my parents our bed when they visit (we stay in the spare bedroom).

She has said what kind of thing it is. They are not pleasant people.

OP, put your foot down, they need to stay elsewhere.

OoooohMatron · 18/02/2023 08:15

I couldn't handle my in laws or my own parents staying for 2 weeks, bed or not. I do give my bed up when they come (3 nights max) but we do have a spare room with a double sofa bed. I just like them to have more space as they're all elderly and the spare room is very small, but in your situation I'd be pushing for a hotel.

Ellie1015 · 18/02/2023 08:17

Dh needs to compromise. I can understand he wants parents at home but the ned situation does not work.

I would probably put a double bed in one of the children's rooms. If there isnt enough space then a single bed with a guest bed underneath. Visitors sleep in child's room so you still have your bedroom and when old enough the children share but in meantime a kids blow up bed in your room.

Or a sofa bed for granparents in the living room. Yanbu to expect to have a bed.

SallyWD · 18/02/2023 08:18

I usually think posters are being slightly mean when they say they don't want their inlaws staying but in your case I definitely think they should go to a hotel! It sounds so uncomfortable for you!
My inlaws live abroad and stay 2 weeks at a time but we have a spare room and bathroom so everyone has space and comfort.
I'm surprised they let you give up your room.

LDN1 · 18/02/2023 08:19

Your husband is a wet flannel and it's time you set the boundaries. Do not be shy in telling your husband that enough is enough and that you should never have been expected to give up your bed before... and it won't be happening again.

Life is way too short to put up with this.

Your husband should respect your stance and be the one to deliver it to his parents. You should be spared any confrontation. Anything less... then your husband needs to grow a pair.

Zippidydoda · 18/02/2023 08:25

I would never expect someone with a tiny baby to sleep in a living room for 2 weeks. I get the ‘give the best bed to the elders’ vibe, but not when the person whose bed it is has a newborn to take care of.

Are finances an issue? If not then I’d absolutely insist that they stay at an air B and B next time. In most towns there are little cheap places. It would just provide a buffer and a bit of space.

if finances are an issue then I would do as someone else suggested and move the cot to your room and give them the small room. You can get some pretty decent air mattresses.

I would talk to your DH about how his parents speak to you though. Let him know that you will be enforcing boundaries about it, if they’re rude they’ll be asked to leave. He can then decide which side he falls on.

Coffeepot72 · 18/02/2023 08:26

We have family who are only interested in us when they want somewhere to stay.
They get the floor, as we have no spare rooms. Even so, I feel used, and resent the disruption to our working week and routine.
I would tell your dh that if they're staying, you are not.

This! And it’s not just the sleeping arrangements, it’s the stress of having your household/routine/life bent out of shape for a fortnight. Exhausting.

Twiglets1 · 18/02/2023 08:27

You have a problem with your husband and your in laws.

You need to be assertive in future. Say that you will keep the bedroom and they can sleep on the sofa or book a hotel whichever they prefer.

Iknownothing · 18/02/2023 08:28

Completely sympathise- it is clearly not working for anyone. Air beds whilst postpartum was ridiculous. But they’re your In-laws and they will still want to visit occasionally.
Could you try a different approach?
Maybe suggest that now dc are older you really don’t have room to host for such a long time. So how about they visit during school holidays and you go away somewhere together - find a big enough holiday cottage so that everyone has space and nobody gets an air bed - yes you still have to spend time with them but the tension over shared space isn’t as bad.

Abouttimemum · 18/02/2023 08:29

You have a DH problem. My husband would not allow this to happen.

Snugglemonkey · 18/02/2023 08:30

Weatherwax13 · 17/02/2023 23:52

What the hell is wrong with your DH? Turfing a mother and baby out of their bedroom is ludicrous behaviour. You'll have to put your foot down OP - with DH as well as his parents. They're all treating you really badly.

This

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 18/02/2023 08:31

They sound like absolute bastards op. My bed is my bed and it's my sanctuary, they don't get to decide to sleep in it. I've never understood letting others sleep in your bed surely everyone feels icky about it? They're the ones imposing on you so they can get a hotel. Jesus. Cheeky fuckers. How dare they make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.