To hate them staying..

[baristababe]

DH parents live abroad (ex pats who moved over there) we have a 3 bed, only 1 double bed in the house, 5yo dc has a cabin type bed in his room (too small for an adult) and baby has her own room and a cot. Downstairs is small ish living room and kitchen.
When his parents come over they insist on staying at our house for 2 weeks straight. They take our bed (even when dd was newborn) giving us option of sofa of airbed. Can't relax in my own house with them as we see them so little I'm really uncomfortable, and whole house just feels upside down. I feel like I can't go up to our room as that's where all there stuff is and I get "doesn't she want to be with us" comments,
When we were a couple with 2 double beds it wasn't too bad. But now we're a family of 3, it's unpleasant.
AIBU to ask them to get an air B&B/hotel next time!? Dp seems to think that would be an outrageous ask.

DH problem as usual.

@Tophy124 op wrote why. They, along with her bloke, booted her out. Even at two weeks post birth. Obviously they’re not rational, decent or caring people.

@B0g right and I said she has an in law
problem and a DH problem? But also clearly has boundary issues with all of them. I wouldn’t be sworn at in my home or made to give up my room. She needs a serious conversation with her husband or they need to not come

You just say that now you have 2 children, there isn't room them to stay and anyone to be comfortable and they can stay nearby.

Absolutely no chance of them staying for 2 weeks and you need to be firm about that. I wouldn’t give up my bedroom for 1 night. Tell them to get an air b&b or hotel. More to the point, shouldn’t they realise for themselves its rude to turf someone out of their bedroom for 2 weeks? If they are that rude, you really shouldn’t worry about politely telling them its too crowded for a 2 week stay.

You have to say no and really stick to it.

Agree with PP this looks like a DP problem.

I would hate it for even 2 nights. People need their own space. My family wouldn’t turf anyone out of their beds for 1 night. If you are a guest anywhere, you take the airbed on the floor (if you dont want to pay for accommodation). If they want a proper bed, get an air b&b and learn about other peoples personal space.

It’s such a DH/DP problem. He needs to have your back not threaten you with his brother’s wrath. All when you’d just had a baby. I can’t imagine how anyone could take a new mother’s bed from her, just can’t imagine it.

They need to get to a hotel or make due with the airbed. But it think their presence makes things so uncomfortable it has to be the hotel.

You have a DH problem.

This is YOUR home. YOUR bed. Your family.

You don't have room for them to stay. End of. They have no right to insist. Especially to insist in your bed.

I am flabbergasted your DH let them push you out of your room with a newborn and PND. Flabbergasted. He's supposed to have your back.

I'd tell them they can stay nearby somewhere, and if DH is outraged, he can go stay with them.

I hear you OP. I have a 3 bed semi, but it is SMALL!. Downstairs is bathroom, small kitchen and small living room. Upstairs, there's 3 bedrooms (my one which just about fits a double bed, chest of drawers and wardrobe; two v small box rooms).

I love seeing family/friends (and they're all lovely, good people) and having them over, but it would be bloody uncomfortable to have people stay for more than a couple of nights, because we would be packed in like sardines!! If this is what your place is like, along with fact that your ILs sound bloody selfish, I imagine that it is rubbish! FWIW, I'm hoping to get a lean-to/conservatory type thing put on the back of my house this year so that I can have a "dining room"/extra room downstairs (which could double up as somewhere for visitors to stay).

YANBU to offer them an airbed (some of them are very good quality ones) if they don't want to pay for a hotel/Air BnB. YANBU to wish that they would stay in a hotel either!

Assuming the relationships are healthy and normal, hosting one partner's parents in a 3 bed house seems completely reasonable. Put a double in your son's room moving forward and he can sleep in with you or his sibling.

We have a pull out in the living room and a double in our spare room/office to accommodate as we would never expect immediate family to pay.

If the relationships aren't healthy and normal then it's a bigger conversation to have with your 'D'H.

Put your foot down and tell DH he has to say no them staying with you.
“Hi mum and dad, yeah, it’ll be great to see you both, The kids are getting bigger now, so it’ll be a bit cramped if you stay with us, and we can’t expect you to sleep on the sofa, my back was in knots last timeit..would you prefer a hotel or a B&B.? Or something like that.

She then basically says you just want to fuck off really don't you so do what you want.

Your MIL said this when you offered to go to your mums so they could have your bed? She wouldn’t be welcome under my roof again!

Agreed.

That type of language to a new mother tells you exactly the type of dregs of society ilk the OP has married into.🙄

No need for the tone, thanks. Just trying to be helpful with a suggestion.

Equally, no need to imply that because they're unpleasant, they must be foreign.

I'll go to mums then everyone has a bed. She then basically says you just want to fuck off really don't you so do what you want.

this is bullying- if you had said yes, that’s exactly what I want, peace & quiet & a decent bed and walked off (with the kids) she might have got the message.

men can be very reluctant to confront their mothers. You need to stand your ground.

I would be going to my mums permenantly OP. There is nothing attractive at all about this situation you are stuck in and that includes your spineless partner. His behaviour is worse than the inlaws.

YANBU Sounds awful OP. Don't know how you cope. I think if I was you once they started with their nasty comments I'd be off to my mums and say in consideration to your in-laws you are giving them more room and special time for them to spend with your husband. Are you expected to provide most of their meals and wait on them?