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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bring along siblings to a birthday party

146 replies

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 20:25

My DD 3 has been invited to a ‘role play village’ party and is incredibly excited as she doesn’t get invited to many parties unlike her older sister 6 who gets invited to lots. I don’t have anyone to look after my other 2 children, 6 yrs and 13 months, so wonder if I could bring them along rather than decline the invite. I’ve rung the venue and the whole place has been hired out for the party which means I’ll unfortunately not be able to pay admission for the other 2. To be honest the 6 yr old will just sit and watch the iPad and I’ll take crisps and choc for them, and the baby will be on my knee the whole time but I don’t want everyone to be looking at me thinking I’m really cheeky. What do you think? Thanks

OP posts:

Willowwallow · 17/02/2023 20:27

You need to ask the birthday child’s parent.

mathanxiety · 17/02/2023 20:28

Call the party organizer. Make it clear you don't want food or party bags for non invited children.

Baby should be fine.
6 yo should be fine if she doesn't insist on joining in or eating.

LimeCheesecake · 17/02/2023 20:28

Speak to the host. They may be charged additionally for dcs above the numbers agreed.

do you know anyone else going ? Could then look after your 3 year old and you just drop / pick up?

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 17/02/2023 20:30

You need to ask the organising parent. If it was me and it didn't affect cost or disrupt the other children I would be fine with it.

SummerInSun · 17/02/2023 20:31

I think it's absolutely fine, but do ask the birthday child's parents and explain you aren't expecting them to feed the other two kids or give your 6 year old a party bag or anything like that.

If the parents say no, as another mum of one of your 3 year old's friends if she can keep an eye on your DS at the party too.

Craftybodger · 17/02/2023 20:31

YABU to just turn up with extra children, please don’t unless arrange in advance.

YANBU to explain the situation beforehand and ask if you could bring your other children.

GlassBunion · 17/02/2023 20:32

Call the host and tell them of your predicament.

DelurkingAJ · 17/02/2023 20:32

We went to one of these for a 5th birthday and numbers included anyone who wanted to stay and watch so most parents were asked not to stay (and had a relaxing coffee next door!) so you definitely need to check. If I were your friend I’d happily have the eldest if I were free.

Jamieleecurtain · 17/02/2023 20:33

I looked into a party in one of these and there was quite a low maximum capacity of people allowed in the venue (40 inc adults I think) so I would have had to say no to siblings and limit to 1 parent each. If it’s a similar venue the birthday parent might have to say no. Do you know the parents of any other kids going? Maybe they would agree to keep an eye on your dd while you sat in a cafe nearby with your other kids so could be there in minutes if needed?

MelaniesFlowers · 17/02/2023 20:33

YABVU. You absolutely cannot just turn up with siblings. That’s beyond rude and puts the host in a very awkward position.

I do also think it would be rude to ask if siblings can come because the host will feel pressured to say yes.

SephrinaX · 17/02/2023 20:34

You definitely need to ask the hosting parent before the party.

It would be rude to just turn up and ask on the day.

EcoCustard · 17/02/2023 20:34

Ask the host. I have 4 Dc so understand the birthday party logistics but so many friends bring siblings along without asking and it leads to awkwardness as host has to pay more sometimes. I tend to invite siblings as I know the kids and families as I appreciate it can be tricky.

Sleepingmole · 17/02/2023 20:35

If places are limited then this puts the host in a difficult situation. They realistically can’t have a child not able to join in the fun. Did the invite say anything about siblings?

prescribingmum · 17/02/2023 20:36

As other have said, ask the host. Agree with also telling them that you do not expect catering or party bag for siblings and are happy for the siblings to sit out with you. Offer to pay additional charges if the host incurs any

I was asked this for DC's birthday and we had capacity so I said for the sibling to come and join in the fun.

Hellosunnysun8 · 17/02/2023 20:36

Agree - speak to the host. They may say it’s totally fine, but they may not have any extra spaces.

I have brought siblings along / told siblings they’re welcome to parties before! But always worth a check first.

merlotlover · 17/02/2023 20:36

Maybe one of the other mums can keep eye on 3yo and take your number. That's what we used to do if anyone had babysitting issues or appt or whatever

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 17/02/2023 20:37

Agree with everyone else you need to ask the host, you can’t just turn up with them.

Viviennemary · 17/02/2023 20:37

No you can't. This seems to be a new thing. Its really cheeky I think. Even asking is a bit off as it puts the party giver in a difficult position.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 17/02/2023 20:38

You need to ask permission first. There could be limits on children in attendance - and people in the café/seating area count; sadly. They may also be paying per child; in which case you could cover the extra costs for lunches etc if you wanted to...

But you need to ask them ahead of the party.

WestOfWestminster · 17/02/2023 20:38

Is there another parent there you know well enough who'd look after your 3 year old for you? Perhaps try that first if so as imagine asking the birthday host might put them in a tricky position.
I also think the venue will find you taking your own snacks a bit cheeky too?

DungareeDana · 17/02/2023 20:39

Can you organise a play date for the six year old? That's what we did in my circle so that we didn't have to drag children to siblings parties.

HumphreysCorner · 17/02/2023 20:39

I had to bring my other 2 to parties and never assumed they could join in. Sometimes they were invited to eat. If not I would buy separately.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 17/02/2023 20:40

Just ask the parent.

DS 3 is going to a role play village party where it’s all hired out and I asked if DD age 7 can come too as I have nowhere else she can go as DH is away that weekend. Offered to pay (didn’t know the whole place was hired) and said no food or party bag expected. Parent said DD was welcome and that’s it’s a buffet and she’s welcome to it.

I never mind siblings but prefer knowing so I can ensure there’s enough food etc.

TheSnowyOwl · 17/02/2023 20:40

I’d decline the invite if you can’t find someone for your other children.

Grizzledstrawberry · 17/02/2023 20:40

Just ask, if they have paid for the whole place regardless of numbers then it won't make any difference, I wouldn't mind someone asking me that, and id rather that then a last minute drop out.

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