Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring along siblings to a birthday party

146 replies

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 20:25

My DD 3 has been invited to a ‘role play village’ party and is incredibly excited as she doesn’t get invited to many parties unlike her older sister 6 who gets invited to lots. I don’t have anyone to look after my other 2 children, 6 yrs and 13 months, so wonder if I could bring them along rather than decline the invite. I’ve rung the venue and the whole place has been hired out for the party which means I’ll unfortunately not be able to pay admission for the other 2. To be honest the 6 yr old will just sit and watch the iPad and I’ll take crisps and choc for them, and the baby will be on my knee the whole time but I don’t want everyone to be looking at me thinking I’m really cheeky. What do you think? Thanks

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 17/02/2023 21:32

Talk to the host who can’t say no, go, and watch invitations for all yr DC to dry up.

Gnomeo8 · 17/02/2023 21:32

Just ask the host. Explain the situation, offer to pay if required and see what they say. We have our youngests party next weekend and have had a couple of parents ask if siblings can come along too. Not a problem for us as we've hired the venue and have capacity. I definitely didn't think they were being CFs, just families who didn't have cover for the siblings on thay day.

thenightsky · 17/02/2023 21:33

If its in your village, how close are you to the venue (assume its walking distance)? Can you just drop her and get someone to call you back if she needs you?

containsnuts · 17/02/2023 21:33

It's just a bit awkward. Either the host will feel pressured into including the other two but secretly resent it. Alternatively, the host says 'no' and your kids have to sit out on a party while everyone else has fun. The worst case scenario would be that the birthday child doesn't want your DCs at the party meaning everyones feelings get hurt.

Lifeisapeach · 17/02/2023 21:36

I’ve been the party parent in this situation and while I didn’t have a problem with the people who (asked and) brought their siblings, these kids inevitably confused matters by joining in with party games (with prizes) and lined up for party favours/bags to which I ended up running out for the kids who were invited. It was really awkward actually so I would try and avoid it especially if it’s hired out in its entirety. It’s a different situation if it’s open to the public. This isn’t. If I were you I would Try and get someone to take your DD or get childcare for the others.

Summerfun54321 · 17/02/2023 21:36

It won't reflect well on your DC if they get invited to a party and a family of 4 turn up. If your 6 year old can watch an ipad, is there really no one who can have her for a few hours while you take your 2 youngest.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/02/2023 21:37

Just say dd3 would absolutely love to attend, however I don't have any childcare for the other two. Would it be ok if I brought them along to sit with me? If it were me I'd probably invite the 6 year old to join in but it's also fine if she doesn't.

jenny38 · 17/02/2023 21:38

Just ask the host. It’s not rude to ask, as long as you make it clear about food. If they are restricted to numbers, you could drop off/ pick up. Happened all the time in our circles.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/02/2023 21:39

Or just ask if you can drop her.....

gawditswindy · 17/02/2023 21:39

containsnuts · 17/02/2023 21:33

It's just a bit awkward. Either the host will feel pressured into including the other two but secretly resent it. Alternatively, the host says 'no' and your kids have to sit out on a party while everyone else has fun. The worst case scenario would be that the birthday child doesn't want your DCs at the party meaning everyones feelings get hurt.

Or, the host will say 'yes' because the Mumsnet projected maximum capacity has not, in fact, been reached, and it's not going to cause some massive catastrophe if there are 2 extra small children sitting with their parents at the back.

In my world it wouldn't be a teeny bit awkward. I had an extra sibling at DDs party which was absolutely fine, and, while I've been lucky enough that childcare has meant I've never had to take an extra, I've barely been at one where there haven't been random siblings (and sometimes extra parents) hanging about.

keepcalm11 · 17/02/2023 21:41

If it feels awkward to ask or may cause embarrassment to the host you could just decline the invite. It would be a shame but at age 3 will your DC really know or remember if a party has taken place with out them

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:42

thenightsky · 17/02/2023 21:33

If its in your village, how close are you to the venue (assume its walking distance)? Can you just drop her and get someone to call you back if she needs you?

Thanks but it’s about 5 miles away from home and she’s a covid baby, really shy, she won’t leave my side for the first half of the party

OP posts:
containsnuts · 17/02/2023 21:42

It's not just about capacity. The birthday child might not want two children who are not their friends at their party.

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:44

containsnuts · 17/02/2023 21:42

It's not just about capacity. The birthday child might not want two children who are not their friends at their party.

The birthday girl is turning 3 so I get the impression everyone in the nursery is invited but it’s a possibility I suppose

OP posts:
Frangipanitime · 17/02/2023 21:48

Four of you fronting up is too much. If you really can’t hire a sitter or have anyone else take them for you , then the suggestion of decline and say why is the right one, but don’t do it in a manipulative way, like oh she so wants to come but she can’t as I’ve no sitter, she’s gutted.

just say sorry she can’t come, hubby is away and I’m looking after her two siblings, and leave it there.

ni one is going to habe a six year old at that party and not offer to let them join in or have cake etc. and I suspect you know this full well.

Noln · 17/02/2023 21:52

I don't think it's unreasonable at all if you're not expecting your other children to eat or join in the party - which doesn't seem to be the case. I'd let the host know though and tell them you will just have them with you, you don't expect them to be in the party.

Some of these replies are batshit. You'd be unreasonable to want them to join in but OP clearly isn't expecting that! I don't think I've ever held a party for my DCs when little without at least one sibling sitting with their parents. I usually do extra party bags in case.

MrsMorrisey · 17/02/2023 21:53

Uurrrrgghh kids parties are so stressful. It's hard when you've got siblings.
Check with the parents of the birthday child.
Do people do parties for 3 year olds now? How do they even know if you don't tell them😊
Sounds hectic.

Noln · 17/02/2023 21:54

The tone and anger in some of these replies reminds me we have so many uptight people in the world. It's really weird. Are you all the catty mums in the class group chats who bitch about teachers too 🙄

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:56

keepcalm11 · 17/02/2023 21:41

If it feels awkward to ask or may cause embarrassment to the host you could just decline the invite. It would be a shame but at age 3 will your DC really know or remember if a party has taken place with out them

She was invited to a party in November and she was so excited but caught a sickness bug the day before so couldn’t go, she still remembers and talks about how she’s going to Esmes party, I’ve told her she was poorly and couldn’t go but don’t think she understands

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 17/02/2023 21:56

I’d not mind this one but, OP.
However from many of the harsh replies, you’re better off asking. If she doesn’t offer for them to come, you could do something really fun so your DD doesn’t feel she’s missing out x

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/02/2023 22:00

Don’t decline. Explain to the host your dd really wants to go but unfortunately your dh is away so you’d need to bring your 2 other kids, explain what the plan in this scenario would be and that you’d bring food, cartons of drink or whatever for them both. Then ask if your dd can come but be clear it’s fine if she says no.

Singularity82 · 17/02/2023 22:00

I really think it’s fine to ask. If it’s limited numbers the host will tell you. If numbers weren’t an issue, as a mum I would have zero problem with this. A real shame for your little one to miss out.

momtoboys · 17/02/2023 22:02

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:07

Ok, so would it be better if I message the host and decline the invite with an apology and explain hubby away and no one to look after her 2 siblings. That way she can reply that they’re welcome too if she wants and isn’t made to feel
awkward?

Why in the world wouldn't you just call the organizer and ask her if you can bring your other two children who will not partake in the party but simply be there?

Silverribbons · 17/02/2023 22:03

Siblings turning up to parties is one of MN's absolute bugbears. In real life most people in your situation would just contact the party organiser and explain, and if it's ok for you to bring the siblings, they'll say it's ok. Please don't decline and have your DD miss out without asking first.

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/02/2023 22:04

Its not rude to ask, if the party parent has an inability to say no when necessary, that is their problem, not yours!

It's all in how you word it surely.

'Dear Party Parent,

DD would love to attend however I'd need to bring Smol and Larger DC's as well - they can sit with me and play on the ipad, and I am happy to supply food for them so they don't muscle in on the party food but obviously if this puts your venue over-capacity, then we'll have to decline the invite."

Not difficult, if someone can't say 'Yeah sorry that won't work, will put the venue over capacity'.. then they need their head wobbling!