To bring along siblings to a birthday party

[Charliebrow]

My DD 3 has been invited to a ‘role play village’ party and is incredibly excited as she doesn’t get invited to many parties unlike her older sister 6 who gets invited to lots. I don’t have anyone to look after my other 2 children, 6 yrs and 13 months, so wonder if I could bring them along rather than decline the invite. I’ve rung the venue and the whole place has been hired out for the party which means I’ll unfortunately not be able to pay admission for the other 2. To be honest the 6 yr old will just sit and watch the iPad and I’ll take crisps and choc for them, and the baby will be on my knee the whole time but I don’t want everyone to be looking at me thinking I’m really cheeky. What do you think? Thanks

It ruins the dynamics when you have the odd 6-8yo at a toddlers party

At a massive soft play with many other random members of the public?

i wouldn’t do it at a small or private venue.

@Johnnysgirl Most venues ask for final numbers in advance for catering purposes if they're providing any food...? So they may well know whether they're at capacity. Plus every venue I've ever looked at booking by us charge per child attending, so they absolutely would know so that they know what to charge for them! If someone has hired the whole venue out then it would be max capacity. I think if you pause you'll see that your comment was a bit of a needlessly aggressive throwaway one? 🤷🏻‍♀️

At soft play with other children there? Don't be ridiculous if you want the atmosphere a specific way then book the whole place out so there's no way to pay on the door.

@BethFromThisIsUs perfectly fine to do this if the area is open to the public anyway.

OP, message the parent and ask. Be quite honest and say that you completely understand if it's not possible but you wanted to explore options before declining the invite.

It’s quite simple. You send this message to bday child’s parent:

“Hi, XX would love to come to YYs party. Unfortunately I have no childcare for ZZ so I wondered if I could possibly bring ZZ and pay a contribution for her? No worries if you’d rather I didn’t, totally understand”

If it were me hosting I’d far rather my child’s friend came to a party with their siblings than didn’t come at all! You always read stories on Mumsnet about parties where parents have spent loads of time and effort and money then only three children turn up.

I think it’s fine to ask.

Op has booked the place. For three year olds 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, this sums it up for me. Please don't decline without at least a brief text or call to the host mum first.

Like others I'd be minded to see if I could arrange a playdate for your older one, otherwise just message the host and ask (and offer to pay). And in advance, please - I was in this situation once and resented the last-minute "Do you mind if I bring Mary too?" text - because the insinuation was that it was either Bob and Mary, or neither, which would've screwed my planning.

I'm hosting a party for DD and the mums who are bringing siblings just asked if they could, & I said it was fine. That was it, no drama. I'm a single mum and know how difficult finding childcare is, plus it means that DD has her friends there and a couple of extras too. The more the merrier I say.

Not when it's a pay per head pre-booked event. The host gets to decide "the more, the merrier", not the guests.

Just ask the host. I’m always happy for siblings to come to DCs parties as long as it’s not dropped on me at the last minute.

I think bringing the baby is fine as they presumably wouldn't be counted in any capacity issues or would be able to join in the play, it's the 6 y/o that's the issue.
Would you be comfortable to either leave the 6 y/ in the car with her ipad and you stand by the door/window to keep an eye on them (bear in mind if capacity isn't an issue the host will probably say its fine to bring them in if you tell them that's what you're doing?) or alternatively you drop the 3 y/o at the party and you, baby and 6 y/o stay in the car so if anything happens or 3 y/o gets upset you're immediately available. Again telling the host you'll be doing this so they don't think you've just dropped and gone! I know you say the 3 y/o will be stuck at your side but presumably she's fine going off and playing at nursery so she might be all right?

It sound like a stress fest for no real gain, tbh. The 6 year old not allowed to join in, the 3 year old not wanting to join in...
Why not give it a swerve this time, hopefully the next one will coincide with your dh being available to help.

In my case I am the host and I do say so. 😂 But I concede that I paid a deposit for a certain amount of people, and am expected to pay on the day for extras up to about 30 kids. Some folks have said they will pay for the siblings, the one or two others I'll cop for the cost because they're friends.

You do understand you're not the host of the party op's invited to, right? 😂

OP has booked the place out...

@ReadersD1gest Hence why I suggested asking the host.

What did you do in the end OP?

I would agree you need to ask. If the limit is the number of children playing then to bring two extra kids to just be there would be fine, but if they are pushing the limits in the building for fire regs or insurance they may just not be able to legally allow in more than the group of invited kids and one adult per kid.