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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring along siblings to a birthday party

146 replies

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 20:25

My DD 3 has been invited to a ‘role play village’ party and is incredibly excited as she doesn’t get invited to many parties unlike her older sister 6 who gets invited to lots. I don’t have anyone to look after my other 2 children, 6 yrs and 13 months, so wonder if I could bring them along rather than decline the invite. I’ve rung the venue and the whole place has been hired out for the party which means I’ll unfortunately not be able to pay admission for the other 2. To be honest the 6 yr old will just sit and watch the iPad and I’ll take crisps and choc for them, and the baby will be on my knee the whole time but I don’t want everyone to be looking at me thinking I’m really cheeky. What do you think? Thanks

OP posts:
MarvelMrs · 17/02/2023 22:04

I never minded if I knew. If possible in your shoes I would try and get the 6 yr old looked after elsewhere.

waterrat · 17/02/2023 22:09

Im going to go against the grain here. A 3 year old needs to be accompanied so it puts a parent in a different position to an older child being invited to a party

When my children were 3 we had parties that included families and younger siblings...

You cant have a party just of 3 yesr olds they are barely more than toddlers. So i think in this case some siblings should be catered fir

MrsMorrisey · 17/02/2023 22:10

Another point of view is why are you trying to juggle everything for a 3 year olds birthday party which will probably be really stressful due to your child being clingy and juggling a baby.
It'll be loud, lots of squealing, tantrums, sugary food and lots of split drinks.
Am I alone in thinking that a toddlers birthday party is just ridiculous?
( can you tell my kids have grown up 😂)
I never have to do it again, thank goodness.

NoGoodUsernamee · 17/02/2023 22:14

I have 3. 5, 3, 18 months. Whenever dc 1 or 2 are invited to a party I have to ask if they’d mind me bringing the others along. Otherwise I would have to decline then all. I always reiterate that I completely understand with numbers etc it’s not always possible but I haven’t had a no yet, I also had a parent ask me when I threw DC’s party and it didn’t make the blind but if difference to our arrangements so wasn’t a problem at all. Text the host op… I’m sure it’ll be fine.

GettingItOutThere · 17/02/2023 22:15

ask the host - i have done parties previously where people have just brought along siblings without asking and tbh its bloody rude

if i was asked i may have said yes if age appropriate

i was asked once at a soft play party about a sibling and i welcomed them and even paid for the sibling too as the parents were so polite and asked well in advance

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 22:19

MrsMorrisey · 17/02/2023 22:10

Another point of view is why are you trying to juggle everything for a 3 year olds birthday party which will probably be really stressful due to your child being clingy and juggling a baby.
It'll be loud, lots of squealing, tantrums, sugary food and lots of split drinks.
Am I alone in thinking that a toddlers birthday party is just ridiculous?
( can you tell my kids have grown up 😂)
I never have to do it again, thank goodness.

Yeah I’m definitely not looking forward to it, if we go it’ll be a bloody nightmare for me. But don’t want my daughter to miss out, and also when I start holding parties for her I want people to attend and sort of feel like I’ll be bringing bad party karma on her if we decline

OP posts:
momonpurpose · 17/02/2023 22:30

Asking the host put the host in a very uncomfortable position and makes you look like a cf. Either get child care or don't go

threeplusmum · 17/02/2023 22:31

My daughters 4th bday party is next month, I've hired a space at pizza express which costs nothing except for the food and drink bought. Well there's an obvious limit on adults and children in the space we've been allocated, to make sure her nursery friends parents don't cheekily invite siblings along and have us pay for their meals we put the kids menu on the back of the invite and asked for them to rsvp and confirm menu selection before hand and I've only invited 9 of her close nursery friends and then her friend who no longer goes to her nursery and funnily enough her mum is my friend and has two other daughters, which I have allowed to come along because I know them, anyone else I'd say hold up not being funny but the invite is only for (insert name) so I'd speak to the host of the party and explain your predicament- it would be a shame for your child to miss out!

Andthatstheend · 17/02/2023 22:33

OP if you can’t get childcare just decline the invite and explain why. I don’t think you should ask, it puts the host in a difficult position. Your child is so young it’s really not worth the hassle, they won’t have missed out, they won’t even remember it.

User505351 · 17/02/2023 22:39

Reply saying you can't go because you have no childcare. If I was the host and I had space I would say bring them along. But if I didn't have space I'd just say oh that's a shame, thanks for letting me know.

Neodymium · 17/02/2023 23:00

in my experience there is no way that a 6 year old won’t try to join in. I’ve this lots of times, people turn up with siblings and then the siblings are first in line for a party bag while their parents are completely oblivious chatting away. I imagine they have prob told them they can’t have a party bag but kids have a mind of their own and just join the line and it’s difficult to say no. Then it’s really awkward when the party bags run out. Other siblings especially I’ve found tend to take over the play and the games.

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 23:09

mummabubs · 17/02/2023 21:26

Hmmm. Given the updates I'd probably be inclined to call the venue again first, explain the situation again and ask whether they are at max capacity on that date ie can your kids definitely not come even if they don't participate... As if the response is no they're at 100% capacity then that makes the decision for you. Assuming they could theoretically accommodate then I'd contact the host and explain that you'd have to bring the siblings but outline clearly they'd want and need no catering for, equally if the answer is no then you completely understand.
I 100% don't think just taking them along without asking would be in any way ok.

How on earth will the venue know whether full capacity will be reached or not? They'll know how many they can accomodate, but not how many the host has invited.

I'd imagine she has invited up to the numbers limit, wouldn't most people?

UrsulaPandress · 17/02/2023 23:49

Just phone the parent and explain.

LikeGolddust · 17/02/2023 23:51

I think most parents are quite understanding, when they have children of similar ages, of the difficulty of siblings and childcare. I think it’s fine to ask the parents if it is ok, explain they won’t partake of the food, activity etc maybe offer to pay them the cover charge, that you understand if they have to say no etcetera
I had to ask once and it was fine and said ‘of course’ many times when I was asked.

I hope she gets to go and enjoys herself.

BethFromThisIsUs · 18/02/2023 00:34

Is it still cheeky if you pay the siblings in? I know that’s not possible in the OPs case. But if one of mine goes to a soft play party (for example) then quite often ill pay the other one in. I’ll stay to watch them and obv they don’t eat with the party etc. it’s just a way to kill an afternoon.

Johnnysgirl · 18/02/2023 00:40

BethFromThisIsUs · 18/02/2023 00:34

Is it still cheeky if you pay the siblings in? I know that’s not possible in the OPs case. But if one of mine goes to a soft play party (for example) then quite often ill pay the other one in. I’ll stay to watch them and obv they don’t eat with the party etc. it’s just a way to kill an afternoon.

If it's still open to the public and you don't send them to the party table at food time, it's fine.

MrsMikeDrop · 18/02/2023 01:21

momonpurpose · 17/02/2023 22:30

Asking the host put the host in a very uncomfortable position and makes you look like a cf. Either get child care or don't go

This

Hooverthestairs · 18/02/2023 06:33

I think just message the host and explain.

A child came to my DDs party, also 3, with two older siblings (8 and 11 years). It was a bouncy castle party and they were playing on the bouncy castle being far too boisterous, hurling themselves off it etc. This annoyed me as I could only invite a certain number of children to prevent them having to turn take on the bouncy castle anyway. If asked by the parent I'd have said they could come but please respect that the entertainment is for the little ones and not siblings.

StClare101 · 18/02/2023 06:54

TheSnowyOwl · 17/02/2023 20:40

I’d decline the invite if you can’t find someone for your other children.

The baby is fine. Arrange a play date for your six year old with a promise to return the favour. Job done.

My2pence2day · 18/02/2023 06:57

Gawd I thought having a wedding was hard enough (in hindsight I should've eloped), I can't believe I'll need to contend with these issues when DC is old enough to have parties!! 🤯

ittakes2 · 18/02/2023 07:07

I have boy/girl twins and for their 4th birthday at nursery by the time I had invited all their friends and family friends I had 42 kids! Then it occurred to me that I had invited so many that there might be one or two nursery kids left uninvited so I asked the nursery this and they said yes there are only four kids not invited so I invited them too. My children did not know these kids but I like you thought the more the merrier. The party was going to be in the garden but then the weather report was a bit dodgy so I realised I might need to house and I might have a space issue. One of the parents from the four kids we did not know asked if she could come with her crawling toddler and I said I was worried about space and a zillion kids inside with crawling toddler - baring in mind too I had never met the mum or the children. She came without the toddler but she gave me a glaring look as she entered my house and never spoke to me when I saw her at the nursery after that.
for my kids 5th party I had no siblings as it was at a soft play and there was a limit in numbers yet a mum brought two older kids who ate other children a party boxes and took their party bags as we had only made the right amount. I think it’s tricky - I would ask other mums going who you know have sibilings how they think party mum would take you asking her to bring two extra.

hiyaKen · 18/02/2023 07:08

Pointless post

The only person you need to ask is the host

Dear host

Unfortunately my husband is away and I'll have 2 other kids to look after. Any chance i can bring? No problem if not, I know you may have a restriction on numbers Thanks

TheOrigRights · 18/02/2023 07:34

Just ask the host. It's not unreasonable and I'm sure you're not the only one with this issue.

MRex · 18/02/2023 07:46

Decline due to siblings, numbers have to be within maximum capacity and the host would have to pay. We invite a couple of siblings to DS's parties who are siblings DS knows well. For his friends from his class, I would be willing to include one or two of his particularly good friends' siblings if they had a childcare issue but simply can't fit every child's sibling, so it's better to leave the parent the choice.

00100001 · 18/02/2023 07:52

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:08

The more the merrier is totally how I feel but only 12% of people agree with me, and I cast one of those votes lol

Until 20/30 families bring their siblings and you get a dozen 5-7 yo trying to play and ruin it for the 3yos and then expecting a party bag etc