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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bring along siblings to a birthday party

146 replies

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 20:25

My DD 3 has been invited to a ‘role play village’ party and is incredibly excited as she doesn’t get invited to many parties unlike her older sister 6 who gets invited to lots. I don’t have anyone to look after my other 2 children, 6 yrs and 13 months, so wonder if I could bring them along rather than decline the invite. I’ve rung the venue and the whole place has been hired out for the party which means I’ll unfortunately not be able to pay admission for the other 2. To be honest the 6 yr old will just sit and watch the iPad and I’ll take crisps and choc for them, and the baby will be on my knee the whole time but I don’t want everyone to be looking at me thinking I’m really cheeky. What do you think? Thanks

OP posts:
Nynynyny2018 · 17/02/2023 20:41

I don’t think siblings should go to parties unless they have been invited. Can never remember having siblings or parents at any of my childrens parties over the age of 5 .Earlier parties were only for friends and their children that we new socially .

Amispringy · 17/02/2023 20:41

Ach, come on OP

You're not that new to MN, are you?

CatSpeakForDummies · 17/02/2023 20:45

Is there nobody you know going who also has an older sibling - you could organise to have their child over to play and the other parent take the 3yos to the party.

The kind of awkwardness you feel about asking someone a favour like this just multiplies if you don't, from the awkwardness of showing up with other kids to future invites and parents having to worry you'll do it again.

Try and find a solution, start the reciprocal favour asking in your DDs peer group.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 17/02/2023 20:48

My wee one is just a baby so not at the birthday party stage yet. But when I was a kid, parents just dropped you off and collected you at the end of the party. I'm talking over 30 years ago here lol. Is this not the case anymore?

Cococomellonn · 17/02/2023 20:51

As others have said don't just turn up with siblings

JaninaDuszejko · 17/02/2023 20:52

I think it partly depends on your DD2. Will she be OK being left or will she need you?. But it's also depends on the host. If you think DD2 would be fine left there without you then just say to the host 'I don't have childcare for my other two that day so does it work better for you if we leave DD2 at the party in your care or is it better if I stay at the party but then my other two will be also be there but please be aware I don't expect you to cater for them'.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 17/02/2023 20:52

StressedToTheMaxxx · 17/02/2023 20:48

My wee one is just a baby so not at the birthday party stage yet. But when I was a kid, parents just dropped you off and collected you at the end of the party. I'm talking over 30 years ago here lol. Is this not the case anymore?

I’m sure it varies but in my experience it tends to be from roughly age 5. Kids who are 2 or 3 tend to not want to be left without a parent at parties and most parents don’t want to manage several toddlers without other parents there.

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 20:53

I didn’t consider that the venue might have a maximum capacity so that’s a good point. I was definitely considering asking the host but I felt they might have felt unable to say no, and also might have felt obliged to provide food and party bags since they knew the situation in advance. When I said about taking snacks for the kids I definitely wouldn’t have got my own snacks out if the venue was selling their own, I 100% would buy from the venue. The birthday girl goes to the same private nursery as my DD and I don’t know any of the people there, it’s not close to my house it’s closer to my work. My 6 year old hasn’t yet had a play date without me being there and it’s always been on weekday after school, so I’d feel cheeky asking a friend to look after my 6yr old slap bang in the middle of a Saturday. Thanks for your comments. From my perspective, my biggest fear is not enough people turning up to party, not too many, but it’s clear not everyone thinks like. Also like it’s been mentioned there could be a maximum capacity or the host could be charged more.

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 17/02/2023 20:53

I think it’s fair to ask and offer to pay a contribution for the siblings, but that you completely understand if it’s not possible.

Firsttimemum120 · 17/02/2023 20:54

You shouldn’t be ringing the venue you should be asking the parents of the child’s whos party it is they are the ones that can answer you

H8o8 · 17/02/2023 20:57

Don't be that parent that drags the whole family to a party when only one has been invited. Either get childcare for the other 2, leave your child there, or decline the invite.

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 20:59

I rung the venue because I thought if it wasn’t all hired out then I could pay their admission fee like other kids there that aren’t at the party, and I don’t want to put the host in an awkward position but I’ll message them tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:00

I can’t leave my daughter there by herself as she’s only just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 17/02/2023 21:01

@Charliebrow Absolutely do not do this. Plenty of posts on various social media platforms where people turn up with not invited siblings and are considered to be very CF's

If you have absolutely no option but to either all go or your 3 year old can't attend then by all means ask - but please make it clear that when asking that you realise it may not be possible and if they say 'no' it's ok - as well as saying you would be happy to pay any extra expenses incurred

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:01

Amispringy · 17/02/2023 20:41

Ach, come on OP

You're not that new to MN, are you?

?

OP posts:
Orangesare · 17/02/2023 21:05

I usually have to take my younger child along and where I live loads of people bring the younger sibling. Generally they join in the party but not the food unless the parents say they can. When mine have a party I don’t worry if extras turn up more the merrier and they can eat and join in everything.

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:07

Ok, so would it be better if I message the host and decline the invite with an apology and explain hubby away and no one to look after her 2 siblings. That way she can reply that they’re welcome too if she wants and isn’t made to feel
awkward?

OP posts:
Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:08

The more the merrier is totally how I feel but only 12% of people agree with me, and I cast one of those votes lol

OP posts:
MoreSleepPleasee · 17/02/2023 21:11

Yabu they would have hired it out with specific numbers. A 6 year old isn't going to not join in or eat are they which will mess up numbers.

TolkiensFallow · 17/02/2023 21:12

Speak to the host OP. It’s fine to ask the question as the host might say it’s fine.

WandaWonder · 17/02/2023 21:13

I go with the assumption named person on an invite is there for a reason

Not named person and just bring whoever

MelaniesFlowers · 17/02/2023 21:13

Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:07

Ok, so would it be better if I message the host and decline the invite with an apology and explain hubby away and no one to look after her 2 siblings. That way she can reply that they’re welcome too if she wants and isn’t made to feel
awkward?

Yes, this a great idea. If gives her the option to say “no worries, sorry you can’t come” without feeling awkward, or “bring them along” if she feels okay with that.

”More the merrier” doesn’t apply in a situation with random different age kids.

Original poster
Charliebrow · 17/02/2023 21:14

MoreSleepPleasee · 17/02/2023 21:11

Yabu they would have hired it out with specific numbers. A 6 year old isn't going to not join in or eat are they which will mess up numbers.

It’s a dress up play village not a soft play so I think it’s too young for my 6yr old, plus they love watching their iPad and if I buy cake and sandwich for them while the party kids are playing then they won’t eat any of the party food

OP posts:
Nogg · 17/02/2023 21:14

It’s all right for all these people. But if you are a single parent with no childcare help . What are you supposed to do. Not let your child ever go to a party. Seems a bit unfair. You could ask I guess. I always take my other DC if it’s a soft play ext when supervision is needed… when they are old enough I will drop off.

CjCreggs · 17/02/2023 21:15

YABU. When I worked for venues that did private parties and hired them
Out. it was done on max numbers. So you rocking up with 2 uninvited guests would mean that 2 of the invited guests would not be allowed in.

Where I work we asked for names of the children or counted in on a clicker and once we got to max capacity that was it no more. Not our problem that the people in the venue weren't invited.

More times than I could count the party parents would have to go round and ask the siblings who weren't invited to leave so that their child's friends could attend the party.

If you can't get anyone to look after, don't go

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