To feel like I am the one who misses out in this arrangement

[Branflakesnow]

I work PT, 3 days a week. I don’t work on Tuesdays or Fridays. Before I made this arrangement I asked DH which days he’d be in the office. The office is quite a long way away so he has to leave at 7, gets back at 7. He told me he’d just go in on my days off. This hasn’t happened.

I am now really fed up with this arrangement. On the days I’m in work I have to be up early and get the kids ready for nursery then go to work myself. On the days I’m off it’s difficult to properly relax because DH is working, so there’s subtle pressure for me to be out of the house as much as possible.

AIBU in thinking this arrangement really disadvantages me and the children?

I agree with you that it's one of those things you either get or you don't. But it doesn't sound like your husband has actually done anything at all to suggest you are being too loud/not doing enough/bothering him in any way whatsoever? So I don't think this is his problem to fix tbh.

If he was asking you to keep it down etc, then absolutely, he should go in to the office if possible. But it doesn't sound like this is the case. I can understand him not wanting to add on the commute and do a 7-7 day.

DH and I both wfh several days a week and this Monday he has the day off and is spending it with DD1 (3.5). If he asked me to go to into the office just because he wouldn't like being off while I was working in the house, I'd be annoyed. I recently went back to work after mat leave with DD2 and had no issue being in the house while DH was shut in his office upstairs working.

As someone who also has to do mornings for 2 small children solo, I completely understand. It’s really hard work and I often feel really stressed when I get to work. If my husband was choosing to put me in this situation it would not be happy. Plus like you said it also impacts when you can leave, he definitely appears to think his job is more important.

Yes it's shit

It's shit that the two days you are at home with kids your home isn't a home it's a workplace

It's shit that you both work the same days and he has it engineered so the kids aren't his responsibility at all

It's not on

I get how you feel totally

You need to try and change your days even if it's going to be a challenge. It's worth trying.

But this is most definitely OP’s issue to resolve. All he is doing is being in his own home, while OP is being very weird about it.

If there was an issue about him not doing his fair share of parenting then I would agree with OP, but she hasn’t said much about that so far, it is merely his presence that she doesn’t like.

Well, that’s not quite accurate @Aprilx

I’ve no objection at all to him being at home, but him working from home is different.

Have you actually read the thread?! 😆

I completely get this as dh wfh all the time. When I’m off with dc in the holidays he goes in the study but him being in the house did change the dynamics. Partially because of guilt and pressure I put on myself feeling I would be doing stuff. I’ve got over that as it’s my issue and dh really doesn’t mind if we’re having a chill day while he works. I do try to take dc out on those days but feel I can’t invite friends over. If it was regular I’d be communicating how I feel and asking him to work in the office on one of my days off. I do miss being in the house alone. I love my dh and dc but I’m never in my own home without one of them being here.