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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being over sensitive?

177 replies

wellieson · 16/02/2023 19:42

I don't mind little digs and people taking the piss. But my husband recently said a few things in front of people and I felt humiliated. One example:

I was saying my younger sister (she is 24, I am 36) is into the 'love island' look and recently got her lips and botox done, that it looks awful and she doesn't need it. Also that she posts lots of bikini pictures on instagram.
She is thin, I am overweight. Husband said, to a dinner table full of people, "sounds like you're just jealous".

AIBU? Am I just over sensitive and this kind of banter is ok?

OP posts:
rwalker · 17/02/2023 05:09

Think he said it to shut u up because u were well out of order what you we’re saying about your sister to her in front of everyone

DaveyJonesLocker · 17/02/2023 05:11

You were slagging your sister off to your mates quite brutally. He was right to shut you down. You do sound jealous.

3LittleFishes · 17/02/2023 07:20

You do sound (perhaps understandably) jealous of your sister. My own sister has always been more attractive than me! I don't slag her off at dinner parties though, she's my sister, why would I? It doesn't make me any more attractive by dragging her down.
I think your husband probably noticed the mood around the table with regards to your comments and shut you down rapidly to save face.
If anything, you are not sensitive enough.

BellaJuno · 17/02/2023 07:57

What you said about your sister in front of a group of people was way worse than what your husband said about you in front of a group of people. You should reflect on your own behaviour before looking at his!

GoldDuster · 17/02/2023 08:19

He realised what people may be thinking about you being derogatory about your sister, wanted to both stop you saying any more, and also distance himself from your behaviour to show the group he didn't agree with what you were saying.

Frangipanitime · 17/02/2023 08:25

I think he called your shitty behaviour out. I’ve no idea why you were putting your sister down like that to a dinner table full of people. That’s horrible.

Motnight · 17/02/2023 08:27

I think that your dh called your behaviour out and you didn't like it.

Dinkeigh · 17/02/2023 08:29

I agree with your husband. What a horrible way to talk about your sister in front of a table full of people.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/02/2023 08:30

You might need to give more examples OP. It's really hard to tell from a one off

picklemewalnuts · 17/02/2023 08:31

I'd say some women have a lot of work done and post bikini selfies on socials. And that I don't like that look , if they look better without the work.

It's not exactly controversial. I've a relative that does similar and to my older woman's eyes it's faintly shocking. I'd say so to friends who would never meet the relative, if it came up in conversation.

I'm a lot older than 35 though.

luckylavender · 17/02/2023 08:33

Shitty to do that to your sister. You had it coming I think.

picklemewalnuts · 17/02/2023 08:35

Pretty shitty to do that to your wife.

Even if you should not have said it, should he put you down in front of company?

StripeyDeckchair · 17/02/2023 08:39

99% of the time banter can be substituted for the word bullying

But you were being a bitch talking about your sister like that behind her back

ethermint · 17/02/2023 08:44

Fwiw I agree op that look is tasteless and not something you would be jealous of. Your husband tried to humiliate you. Although you probably should have kept your thoughts private.

Frangipanitime · 17/02/2023 09:13

ethermint · 17/02/2023 08:44

Fwiw I agree op that look is tasteless and not something you would be jealous of. Your husband tried to humiliate you. Although you probably should have kept your thoughts private.

Probably? So for you the crime is saying you sound jealous. Not ripping another woman’s appearance apart at a dinner party. And your own sisters at that?

I think you can see you’re in the minority. And most folks are not uncertain about whether it’s ok to rip another woman’s appearancw As dinner party talk.

the op humiliated herself. Her husband said what I can guarantee everyone was thinking. Even we are thinking it.

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 17/02/2023 09:19

picklemewalnuts · 17/02/2023 08:35

Pretty shitty to do that to your wife.

Even if you should not have said it, should he put you down in front of company?

Did you completely miss the past that OP was publicly ripping her own sister apart?

WandaWonder · 17/02/2023 09:26

So what you are worrying about first and foremost is your own feelings after after what you said?

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 09:31

I agree with what most of the others said - he's done it to shut you down because you were being a bitch

KimberleyClark · 17/02/2023 09:37

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 09:31

I agree with what most of the others said - he's done it to shut you down because you were being a bitch

And possibly to stop you showing yourself up even more than you already had.

Ludo19 · 17/02/2023 09:44

OP look at it this way. You decided to wade in on your sisters appearance choices and you were quite derogatory in your delivery. Why you think that's ok to talk about your own sister within a dinner party setting is frankly out of order.

Your husband shot you down because he might have been worried your views would reflect on him. To be honest.....you had it coming.

Frangipanitime · 17/02/2023 11:04

I think the thing you’re missing op is that your husband said It, but everyone else was playing along and thinking it.

and it does sound like you’re jealous. And that’s why you feel humiliated as he’s hit a nerve. But you’ve not realised it’s irrelevant as everyone else was thinking it.

dont sit at dinner tables regaling guests about how other women look in a derogatory way, you’d not like it if it was done to you. So don’t do it to others.

Original poster
wellieson · 17/02/2023 14:50

picklemewalnuts · 17/02/2023 08:31

I'd say some women have a lot of work done and post bikini selfies on socials. And that I don't like that look , if they look better without the work.

It's not exactly controversial. I've a relative that does similar and to my older woman's eyes it's faintly shocking. I'd say so to friends who would never meet the relative, if it came up in conversation.

I'm a lot older than 35 though.

Exactly this. Thank you.

It was within the context of how young people post selfies and follow a culture of vacuousness, from which they derive a sense of self. We were talking (as clinicians) about how young people now have easier access to invasive procedures, in order to conform to unrealistic beauty standards.

That was the topic of conversation. It was from a clinical standpoint. The sister was brought up as an example of someone who did not need procedures, but has had them since the age of 19, they did not work, she now has to have regular botox and lip fillers which have aged her skin, and feels the need to use filters on pictures, wear next to nothing, etc, in order to build confidence, when that confidence could easily come from all the qualities she has within.

Bloody hell you lot just took something right out of context and ran with it.

For the record I have no qualms about the way I look. I am 3 months postpartum so for those telling me I am jealous of the weight issue I really am not. That is why my husband's comment stung - because it was so out of context of the conversation and so far from the truth, it didn't feel like he knows me at all.

OP posts:
AlmostaMamma · 17/02/2023 14:58

wellieson · 17/02/2023 14:50

Exactly this. Thank you.

It was within the context of how young people post selfies and follow a culture of vacuousness, from which they derive a sense of self. We were talking (as clinicians) about how young people now have easier access to invasive procedures, in order to conform to unrealistic beauty standards.

That was the topic of conversation. It was from a clinical standpoint. The sister was brought up as an example of someone who did not need procedures, but has had them since the age of 19, they did not work, she now has to have regular botox and lip fillers which have aged her skin, and feels the need to use filters on pictures, wear next to nothing, etc, in order to build confidence, when that confidence could easily come from all the qualities she has within.

Bloody hell you lot just took something right out of context and ran with it.

For the record I have no qualms about the way I look. I am 3 months postpartum so for those telling me I am jealous of the weight issue I really am not. That is why my husband's comment stung - because it was so out of context of the conversation and so far from the truth, it didn't feel like he knows me at all.

Show quote history

I genuinely cannot believe you see nothing wrong with discussing your sister like that. And this was in front of people?! Christ.

I’d have tried to shut you up, as well!

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 15:04

Bloody hell you lot just took something right out of context and ran with it.

You can't take something out of context when no context is given.

Original poster
wellieson · 17/02/2023 15:09

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 15:04

Bloody hell you lot just took something right out of context and ran with it.

You can't take something out of context when no context is given.

Because that wasn't the point of the question, which has been derailed.

OP posts: