Should I bring up the texts I saw to dh?

[rainyspring]

Dh gave me his phone to watch some videos and I saw a message pop up from his work colleague saying

"Yeah I know, she's too beautiful" so I just clicked on it and basically my husband started the convo to his colleague (male) about another colleague, saying "oh you can't miss her mate, she's stunning, absolutely beautiful"

To which the colleague goes "yeah quite taller than you though you will need ladders"

To my husband goes "that was what crossed my mind, imagine doggy style I would need a rope ha ha ha, every time she looks at me I get a hard on"

And then colleague replied with the above.

I want to mention it, but it will cause an argument and don't want to do that in front of my small children but is this normal lad convo I shouldn't have read?
I just feel kinda disgusted.

Would you mention it?

The thing is, this is him. This is how he is. So it’s not like what you ’mention’ to him is going to change anything. He’ll just learn to be more secret. Do you want to be with someone like that is the question.

Three months in a new job and they think he’s s player. Yuk.

He only started the job 3 months ago

Wow OP. This is him when he doesn't know people well, and in a work context. Imagine what he talks like in more informal contexts/to closer friends.

He's a sleazeball and also IMHO doesn't know how someone's best to behave in a new job. If I were in a new job I'd try to be bland and completely unobjectionable for as long as I can keep it up (which is probably not long.)

I suppose it could be a Napoleon complex/ Small Dick Energy, but it's not good or clever and won't really impress anyone.

No this isn't acceptable behaviour. Society too often gives men a pass because "boys will be boys" but plenty of men do manage to be mature, respectful, professional, decent, loyal etc. It's simply not true that talking about women in such disgusting terms and behaving like this are unavoidable male traits. They can choose to be better, and many do.

I'm sure lots of people would think it's crazy to end a marriage over a couple of texts, but it's not really a couple of texts, is it? It's a clear demonstration of his character and values. I suppose you have to ask yourself if you wish to remain married with a man whose morals are so misaligned with your own.

It is appalling.
But all men do this. All of the time.
All men.
All of the time.
Except the ones that are lying.

I’d mention it whilst also mentioning I was leaving him. He’s talking about having sex with someone at work and how she sexually arouses him. Not just saying she’s attractive. I’d be fucking fuming.

No they don't.
Raise your bar.

Becuase a husband getting fired is fantastic news for his wife? .

Are you OK OP, do you have someone you can be with? All of the above is correct but it must be hard to hear.

Yeah because all men are the same. Just like all women are the same. Easier that way, isn’t it.

They do. Men talk like this. They just don't do it infront of us

I'd have no issue with the bit about discussing that a woman is beautiful, but the bit about the hard on and clearly picturing doing her doggy style is just waaaay over the line and creepy! I would be furious.

Becuase a husband getting fired is fantastic news for his wife?

None of this is good for the OP. My husbands employment status would be the least of my worries as we wouldn't he together much longer.

Maybe under the rock you were born they do.

If he thought it was a problem or had any thoughts of following up with actions, would he have given you his phone, knowing you could have found the conversation ? The thought police are out in full force on MN aren’t they ? We’re all human, being married doesn’t mean we don’t look and men are probably more likely to discuss things like this with other men. Doesn’t mean he’s being unfaithful and it’s not a reason for divorce.

That is not true. At a stretch, it is perhaps true that all me have, every now and again, fleeting sexual thoughts about their colleagues.

But it is absolutely not the case that "all men" have graphic sexual conversations about their colleagues with people, and even fewer would be stupid enough to commit the thoughts to writing.

I mean seriously, you think that Lord Justice Xx is texting the other judges to say "wow I get a boner every time I pass Lisa in the canteen?

That was abit nasty towards me wasn't it?

The husband's employment status coukd have a massive bearing on any divorce settlement.

I’d go as far as to say what you said was a bit nasty to many men.

Nothing in it suggests he's cheating. It's clear from the conversation that he isn't actually doing anything with her....doesn't sound like she registers him at all.

Your deranged

No they don't.

I think more men than some here are prepared to accept probably do talk like this occasionally with close friends after drink etc, they're really not texting it to new colleagues about another colleague.

Yep. We'd all be happy with a misogynistic, unprofessional, sex-obsessed halfwit for a husband, just as long as he doesn't cheat.

(you really, really missed the point, didn't you?)

Honestly, they really really don't all do this. I've seen the texts my husband sends to his friends, brothers, and colleagues. They make fun of each other, they talk about sport, they make dumb jokes, they swear, but at no point do they say that their colleagues give them erections or talk about the sexual positions they'd like to attempt with them.

They do, you go see any "working lady of the night" so to speak. And ask them what type of clients they have. Flip the question. If he spoke to his wife like this would it be a problem? What makes you think men don't talk about all women like this?

But not all men use prostitutes. The men who do might well speak about women like that purely because they see women as commodities to be fucked.

Men who don't use prostitutes don't always see women this way. Some do. Men like the OPs husband.