Family dinner - who should compromise?

[User171953]

Parents/in laws are celebrating their 40th anniversary and one of them has organised a surprise trip to our home city (where BIL and SIL also live). Two options for when the surprise dinner can be - Sunday or Monday.

Couple A want it to be on Sunday. They have a toddler who wakes up a lot at night so they don’t want to stay out too late. One of the couple (the in law to the parents celebrating) (self employed) has arranged work which finishes at 6.45 on Monday which would mean they couldn’t get to a dinner earlier than 7.15.

Couple B want it to be on Monday. One of the couple (the child of the parents celebrating) has a big job interview involving travel which means they need to leave home very early on the Monday morning. If it was on the Sunday they wouldn’t be able to drink and don’t think they would enjoy the evening as will be stressing about interview prep.

Both couples think the other should
compromise. Couple A have also suggested doing 2 separate dinners instead.

YABU = Couple A should compromise
YANBU = Couple B should compromise

I think it should be Sunday. Having a drink surely isn’t a deal breaker. And rather than worrying at home about the interview the company and celebration will be a distraction.

the job interview definitely trumps everything else. couple A are being selfish. if the work booked for monday can't be managed differently (starting and hour early, finishing off next day etc) then they can put up with a slightly later night, that's not nearly as big a thing to deal with compared to a job interview. totally unreasonable to expect anyone to be out for a celebration meal the night before that!

The job interview doesn't actually clash, just means they need to go easy on the booze and it's not going to be late anyway (the reason it will be Sunday).

I can't imagine being difficult over a celebratory meal because I have something on next day

That said, for one night I'd also live with a 7:15 meal with a badly sleeping toddler.

Maybe it's better if they celebrate separately?

Couple A is being silly. Couple A should just suck it up and be out a bit later than usual for one night and deal with the lack of sleep for a day.

I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to go out the night before an interview- even if not drinking, even if not staying out late.

Many interviews now are intense and so complex, the night before I'd be sat quietly somewhere, familiarising myself with my answers, practicing my presentation and focusing myself. I don't say to a lot socially especially for a big family occasion but no way would I agree to that, especially when couple A are being so petty over 45 minutes!

The poor parents/in-laws. They probably wish they hadn't bloody bothered!

But I think it should be Monday to suit the job interview person.
Toddler couple need to suck it up.

Has anyone considered what the PIL want?? I’d either do early Sunday lunch or dinner at 7.15pm on the Monday and they can meet a bit earlier for drinks.

Got to go with Couple B option. That interview trumps everything else

Separate meals. It's all going to be a bit resentful otherwise

I'm glad you're couple B, interview trumps toddler...more than anything I'm amazed at the number of people asking if restaurants are even open at 6pm 🤣 are we talking uk? OH and I like to go out for dinners at like 5pm...6 is late for us. Obviously if it was a group thing we'd go with whatever time suits but I'm just baffled at the number of people questioning opening times. Maybe it's a regional thing 😂

Do meal on Saturday night!

I've lost track but the couple who want it to be on the sunday night should compromise.

No one wants a night out before a job interview and can see someone arriving for a meal at 7.15 being an issue if children are being baby sat.

Never eat out on a Monday. Doesn’t everyone know it’s the food they didn’t sell over the weekend and the B team cooking and serving.

Whatever you decide I think the atmosphere will be awful.

I'd just move the date to the following weekend or do the Saturday.

what nasty people your SIL and BIL are OP. sorry for you and DH for having to deal with this.

I don't think sending them a link to this thread will do any good. obviously if they were decent people it would change their minds but they clearly aren't, so they would just take massive offense at seeing the truth about their selfishness subjected to the mass judgement of hundreds of strangers.

"He is going to agree to Sunday even though it’s rubbish for him because he knows it’s the nicest thing for his parents."

You have a very adult and mature DH who is also family minded. Celebrate that and have a great evening (with an early finish!)

The point about the time is that its a big special celebration dinner for a special occasion. Therefore wouldn't expect it to be an all day dining place.

Many, many restaurants only serve lunch and dinner. With dinner from.7

#teamB here

Does it have to be either Sunday or Monday? Can’t you do Saturday for example instead?

We’ve said exactly this to them
on WhatsApp and the response was that we should just do two separate meals then.

My own siblings would never ever behave this way so I find it baffling.

@evemillbank

why??

No for various reasons those are the only 2 options.

For whatever reason they clearly dont want to meet together

Welcome to the thread Couple A 😂