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AIBU?

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Original poster

What did she want people to do?

576 replies

SkivingSnackboxes · 16/02/2023 05:35

Recently went to spectate at a sporting event and we got on the tram to get there. It was rammed, we expected it to be rammed. It's a busy event.

The tram was standing room only, and it was busy Ie sardines.

This pregnant woman was standing in the middle of the aisle she wouldn't move further down so there was a huge gap behind her. She didn't look that pregnant tbh, she kept shouting. im pregnant, I need space, you all need to back off, I'm pregnant I need a seat im pregnant I can't be touched
The only people sat down were kids and old people and the families didn't offer her a seat. The guard came down and told her she needed to move down into the gap or get off. She decided to get off and then asked if the trams were going to be busy all day?

She genuinely wanted random strangers to not go to the rugby because she enforced a halo of 'im pregnant and no one can be near me'

Surely if you're that precious about being pregnant you'd get a taxi?

OP posts:
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MenoEek · 16/02/2023 08:28

user1465390476 · 16/02/2023 08:11

@MenoEek as a family we’ve always used public transport. My dc are very confident using trains and the tube. I think they could find their way from one part of the country to the other by the age of 10. Their df is disabled so they understand the etiquette of standing for others too. I can’t recall them ever falling over because they understood you have to hold on tight.

That's great- it'd the pp who was talking about holding a child who I thought hadn't really experienced it, as that's obviously impossible.

My kids also offer their seats to anyone who needs it- they're teens so don't need a seat- but the people they would offer a seat to include small children. Ability to stand is what counts.

We'll have to agree to disagree, I think.

ITotallyPaused · 16/02/2023 08:32

I had to commute on packed tubes to work everyday last year and then get to work and be on my feet all day. Men would sit in the priority seats and fall asleep and the tubes would be too packed for anyone to see me as pregnant anyway. (According to one online forum though all of those sleeping men could have had a hidden disability so I was in the wrong!) I had to change my route into work as a result which added another hour onto my travel time a day - but I knew it was a less busy route that allowed me a seat.

My husband though came home yesterday and said a very similar story about a pregnant woman screaming out that she was pregnant and for people to "move out her way".

As annoying as it is to not be offered a seat I guess some people act more entitled than others when they are pregnant.

Brefugee · 16/02/2023 08:33

i think small children with overproportionally big heads are the ones in danger of falling over and should be sitting?

And i get that some people have to be in particular places so they can hold on, or breathe and not panic etc etc, but in that case you have to squish up a bit while people are getting on/off and let them into the spaces. Basically it's about being aware of people around you and being sensible.
Don't trams have priority seats? (would be hard in such a case with so many people though)
In her position, and I've been there hugely pregnant and unable to stand where I've said very clearly, not overloud but so it is clearly heard, that i am hugely pregnant and can't stand and will somebody be able to give up their seat for me. With success.

DahliaMacNamara · 16/02/2023 08:39

All the 'pregnancy is not an illness' smug twattery can fuck off. No, it's not an illness, but not one single person who's ever been pregnant or lived with a pregnant partner thinks it's a nine month dance of delight. It comes with a thousand little discomforts in even the healthiest and most uneventful pregnancy, without even factoring in sickness and disability, or the possibility of a traumatic history.
Try a little empathy, OP, instead of bitching about a stranger who made her needs perfectly clear.

Daisybee6 · 16/02/2023 08:40

I think you've exaggerated this massively

MelaniesFlowers · 16/02/2023 08:46

ITotallyPaused · 16/02/2023 08:32

I had to commute on packed tubes to work everyday last year and then get to work and be on my feet all day. Men would sit in the priority seats and fall asleep and the tubes would be too packed for anyone to see me as pregnant anyway. (According to one online forum though all of those sleeping men could have had a hidden disability so I was in the wrong!) I had to change my route into work as a result which added another hour onto my travel time a day - but I knew it was a less busy route that allowed me a seat.

My husband though came home yesterday and said a very similar story about a pregnant woman screaming out that she was pregnant and for people to "move out her way".

As annoying as it is to not be offered a seat I guess some people act more entitled than others when they are pregnant.

It’s not entitled to ask people for a seat or space when you’re pregnant if you need it.

If you needed a seat you should have asked someone. Not stew about it and still be annoyed years later even though you never made any moves to rectify the situation.

ouch321 · 16/02/2023 08:52

Agree.

Pregnancy is a lifestyle choice.

She doesn't get to stop other people boarding the train just because she wants some kind of an exclusion zone put in place.

The fact that a seated passenger could have offered her a seat is irrelevant as they hadn't. She was standing but she has no right to forbid other passengers to also stand in the carriage.

I am not surprised that people here are saying it's fine though. Bad behaviour is always excused on here for "special reasons". Bit like when child A attacks child B and then everyone says oh but they're probably ND. No child is ever simply naughty these days. This has that air about it.

Ariela · 16/02/2023 08:53

Her problem in how she deals with it not yours.

SweetStrawberry · 16/02/2023 08:55

So to summarize, she asked people to not jostle into her and told them she was pregnant, no-one offered her a seat despite seeing she was struggling and then when told she had to put up with it by a guard and move into an even more cramped spot, she removed herself and asked if it was expected to be this busy all day long, presumably to work out if she would be able to cope getting on another one or to figure out alternative transport to her destination.

What is it about the above that you think is pathetic or that she did wrong?

I don't like people bashing into me even when I'm not pregnant.

SweetStrawberry · 16/02/2023 08:56

I would understand if she demanded others get off but she got off herself when she realized she couldn't cope with the situation - for reasons none of us know. Failing to see what she done wrong tbh.

Mississippi6 · 16/02/2023 08:57

SkivingSnackboxes · 16/02/2023 05:48

I just thought it was a bit pathetic if I'm honest. Why get On an absolutely rammed tram and then get all ridiculous about people touching you? She should have just got a taxi.

I think you are pathetic! No empathy, just entitlement - down right nasty. As someone said ‘she should have flown in her helicopter’ 🙄. Brat!!

Swiftswatch · 16/02/2023 09:00

SweetStrawberry · 16/02/2023 08:55

So to summarize, she asked people to not jostle into her and told them she was pregnant, no-one offered her a seat despite seeing she was struggling and then when told she had to put up with it by a guard and move into an even more cramped spot, she removed herself and asked if it was expected to be this busy all day long, presumably to work out if she would be able to cope getting on another one or to figure out alternative transport to her destination.

What is it about the above that you think is pathetic or that she did wrong?

I don't like people bashing into me even when I'm not pregnant.

Exactly.

I don’t know why people think she’s so unreasonable for not wanting to be banged into by a bunch of people hyped up for a rugby match and who lets face it, had probably been drinking.

She was pregnant, probably felt vulnerable and wanted to protect herself.
Rather than offering her a seat, or asking someone to the whole carriage watched while she was hassled to squeeze up even more and when she didn’t feel like she could the conductor asked her to get off!! I find it highly unlikely that every person already sitting was more needing of the seat than a pregnant woman.
The conductor, OP and everyone else rubbernecking on the drama without helping should actually be ashamed of themselves.

Swiftswatch · 16/02/2023 09:02

ouch321 · 16/02/2023 08:52

Agree.

Pregnancy is a lifestyle choice.

She doesn't get to stop other people boarding the train just because she wants some kind of an exclusion zone put in place.

The fact that a seated passenger could have offered her a seat is irrelevant as they hadn't. She was standing but she has no right to forbid other passengers to also stand in the carriage.

I am not surprised that people here are saying it's fine though. Bad behaviour is always excused on here for "special reasons". Bit like when child A attacks child B and then everyone says oh but they're probably ND. No child is ever simply naughty these days. This has that air about it.

Of course it’s not irrelevant. The people in the wrong are the able bodied people sat down not offering a pregnant woman a seat.
How on earth are you comparing a pregnant woman not wanting her bump to be barged into with a child who attacks another child?
That is some absolutely batshit logic.

Rollingaroundinmud · 16/02/2023 09:07

This reply has been deleted

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Why get on when I was pregnant I planned my trips out and that was in busy London. I didn’t drive I was on foot.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 16/02/2023 09:11

To be fair to her, I was really worried about getting accidentally knocked or banged when pregnant, because I'd had numerous unexplained miscarriages prior to that. Even the slightest thing like going over a bump in the road would have me worried. Read some infertility stuff on line, it's not that uncommon to worry constantly about every thing thing when you've been in that situation.

However I wouldn't have been getting on an absolutely rammed tram in that case either. Nor would I have made such a spectacle of myself. But I do empathise with her. It's not always obvious why people act the way they do, but there are often reasons behind it.

Wife2b · 16/02/2023 09:13

It’s appalling that no one offered her a seat, kids could have sat on parent’s lap. Not being heavily pregnant is irrelevant, she could have back issues, nausea etc.

user1492757084 · 16/02/2023 09:14

I think the lady called for kindness and help. One wouldn't do that unless one needed to sit. Why couldn't one person offer her a seat? What would the sacrifice be? Surely that woman didm't have to show you a blood test or letter from a doctor to ask for a seat.

DahliaMacNamara · 16/02/2023 09:15

Oh, there's another one. Pregnancy as 'lifestyle choice', aka that's my excuse to show no compassion for another human being, and to make sure my kids aren't brought up to do so either.

Rollingaroundinmud · 16/02/2023 09:15

Wife2b · 16/02/2023 09:13

It’s appalling that no one offered her a seat, kids could have sat on parent’s lap. Not being heavily pregnant is irrelevant, she could have back issues, nausea etc.

How the parents were standing

ItchyBillco · 16/02/2023 09:18

user1465390476 · 16/02/2023 08:21

Who is being thrown around on a bus? At worst there’s sometimes a bit of heavy braking. Some of you are ridiculous.

I agree. There’s a lot of dramatic language on this thread.

The thread seems to have deviated a bit but I don’t think I occupy the same world as some posters on here. I don’t believe my child should come before all others. I don’t believe he is front and centre. I do think a child should give up a seat for an adult, especially an elderly one. Kids need to learn to safely occupy a world with consideration for others. Then standing, while holding on to your leg and/or a rail, is not a reckless disregard for a child’s safety…

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/02/2023 09:18

What did she want?

A seat.

It's not rocket science to work that out. She was probably stressed and cross.

ItchyBillco · 16/02/2023 09:21

As it goes, I’d have offered her a seat if I had one. When I was fully pregnant on the tube, I gave my seat up for an old boy who came on. He was so grateful. Meanwhile everyone else, who was young, pinstriped and pointedly looking down, didn’t. I was healthy, I had no pain but it was an interesting moment for city commuting etiquette and humanity.

bussteward · 16/02/2023 09:22

ouch321 · 16/02/2023 08:52

Agree.

Pregnancy is a lifestyle choice.

She doesn't get to stop other people boarding the train just because she wants some kind of an exclusion zone put in place.

The fact that a seated passenger could have offered her a seat is irrelevant as they hadn't. She was standing but she has no right to forbid other passengers to also stand in the carriage.

I am not surprised that people here are saying it's fine though. Bad behaviour is always excused on here for "special reasons". Bit like when child A attacks child B and then everyone says oh but they're probably ND. No child is ever simply naughty these days. This has that air about it.

A lifestyle choice! She’s not wafting around being vegan. Yes, it’s a choice to be pregnant, but according to the ONS only 18% of women remain childless by the end of their fertile years so it’s a choice the majority make, not some special path of martyrdom for this woman in particular. Most women choose pregnancy: what we can’t choose is what kind we get. Some sail through it (the “it’s not an illness, I was commuting via Kilimanjaro with twins at full term” crowd), some are completely debilitated by it. My last pregnancy left me unable to walk; a friend was hospitalised throughout her recent pregnancy. It’s OK to give pregnant women the benefit of the doubt that they’re having a hard time; you don’t get a medal for being awful.

TommytheSquirrell · 16/02/2023 09:24

Meh, I’m currently pregnant, don’t look pregnant yet and I’m half way through.

Maybe she wasn’t feeling well but didn’t feel she could get off for whatever reason. She obviously was worried and trying to cope. Annoying for you maybe but wouldn’t think on it after being leaving the tram.

Clarich007 · 16/02/2023 09:25

Disgusting no one offered her a seat. I'm 71, but still offer a seat. What is wrong with people!! Bi