Page 17 | What did she want people to do?

SkivingSnackboxes · 2023-02-16T05:35:08+00:00

Recently went to spectate at a sporting event and we got on the tram to get there. It was rammed, we expected it to be rammed. It's a busy event. The tram was standing room only, and it was busy Ie sardines. This pregnant woman was standing in the middle of the aisle she wouldn't move further down so there was a huge gap behind her. She didn't look that pregnant tbh, she kept shouting. *im pregnant, I need space, you all need to back off, I'm pregnant I need a seat im pregnant I can't be touched* The only people sat down were kids and old people and the families didn't offer her a seat. The guard came down and told her she needed to move down into the gap or get off. She decided to get off and then asked if the trams were going to be busy all day? She genuinely wanted random strangers to not go to the rugby because she enforced a halo of 'im pregnant and no one can be near me' Surely if you're that precious about being pregnant you'd get a taxi?

Ursuladevinia82 · 17/02/2023 13:43

Ok, interesting.

I would have been concerned if you weren’t ND tbh. And great you have a close network of friends

KatherineJaneway · 17/02/2023 13:59

If someone was acting this nuts on public transport, I get why no-one offered a seat. Ridiculous to shout at others not to come near you on a rammed public transport vehicle.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 17/02/2023 14:11

And that resentment deffo came from getting sick long term and it absolutley has made me a shit person I’d be the first to say that

I kind of get where you’re coming from here. I was seriously ill a few years back and essentially had a tumour on my uterus that grew to the same size as a full term baby. I had litres of fluid in my chest cavity because of a foreign object being there. It nearly killed me. I kept being fobbed off by doctors for the entire 11 months that thing was growing, and every day I was in work, on the bus, doing everything with no concessions because I was sick, and when you’re sick you’re basically ignored.

I had major surgery to remove the tumour, equivalent to a c-section. The argument for a long mat leave is that the body needs to recover, but having been through a very similar process to pregnancy, I had to rely on sick leave so was back to work within 8 weeks.

And so a part of me does get really irrationally irritated when pregnant women carry on and on and on about needing special treatment, because many people get very sick, suffer more, and yet have no or little legal protection so just have to get on with it. And, of course, pregnancy tends to be a chosen activity whereas illness like mine wasn’t.

But the answer I guess is that protection needs to be increased so that people don’t get ignored just because their illness doesn’t have an individual legal protection. And disability protections need to be seriously beefed up, because having been disabled for two decades, they’re not worth the paper they’re written on. My employer is terrible with disability discrimination but incredible with pregnancy discrimination. It drives me mad but all we can do is keep fighting to get more equality.

Sorry for the huge waffle!

AllOfThemWitches · 17/02/2023 15:39

if the woman came on here saying nobody on the train would give me a seat and I’m pregnant so i stood on the train with an invisible halo around me shouting I’m pregnant don’t come close she would 100% have been slaughtered on here for being entitled and dramatic

100%

Ifnothat82 · 17/02/2023 15:42

@Andthatstheend

you have “never been on public transport”? and that is your “only downfall”

you would “laugh” at any “mug” that gave up their seat for a pregnant woman

It’s been an education reading your posts. That’s for sure

Ifnothat82 · 17/02/2023 15:42

Not even as a child?!

Ifnothat82 · 17/02/2023 15:43

Teenager?

Totally baffled how you can never have been on public transport

new2mn · 17/02/2023 15:43

How come the whole conversation is about offering a seat? The woman was yelling at everyone to stay away from her at peak hour. Maybe she was subtly hinting she wanted a seat, but practically speaking, if she was thick-skinned enough to yell about needing space, there wasn't much left in the way of subtlety – why couldn't she just say she needed a seat?

I think it would be totally reasonable to ask for a seat. Not reasonable to shout at a peak hour crowd to remain parted like the red sea for her.

DZbornak · 17/02/2023 15:44

@fitzwilliamdarcy I'm so sorry that you went through all of that, I hope you are as ok as possible now. And I completely agree with all of your points.

Swiftswatch · 17/02/2023 15:46

And I still stand by my comments she was just thinking she was the first pregnant woman to use public transport.

How is that though? By asking for a seat? Because that’s a pretty basic expectation and not at all entitled. There are signs everywhere point out that pregnant women are more deserving of a seat than those who are not or have no disabilities.
It’s pretty common place. It comes across like you don’t operate in the same world the rest of us do!

Swiftswatch · 17/02/2023 15:48

new2mn · 17/02/2023 15:43

How come the whole conversation is about offering a seat? The woman was yelling at everyone to stay away from her at peak hour. Maybe she was subtly hinting she wanted a seat, but practically speaking, if she was thick-skinned enough to yell about needing space, there wasn't much left in the way of subtlety – why couldn't she just say she needed a seat?

I think it would be totally reasonable to ask for a seat. Not reasonable to shout at a peak hour crowd to remain parted like the red sea for her.

She did. Op said the woman “repeatedly” said she was pregnant and ‘I need a seat’. Clearly everyone on the carriage ignored her since no one offered.

new2mn · 17/02/2023 15:48

Also to be honest if she was shouting "im pregnant, I need space, you all need to back off, I'm pregnant I need a seat im pregnant I can't be touched", I wouldn't know if she wanted a seat or not, as that would mean being/sitting in close proximity with others... I might also assume she had some mental health difficulties and be unsure whether or not she wanted to be approached/offered anything. I would be afraid she might start yelling at me instead?

Sorry, I know that sounds really shitty, and I'm not trying to smear her at all, but bystanders are often awkward in public and tend to take the path of least resistance... There are a lot of nutters on the Tube, every time someone start yelling or making a scene on it (unless it's for help e.g. a medical emergency), everyone immediately looks down and avoids eye contact or trains carriages.

new2mn · 17/02/2023 15:50

Swiftswatch · 17/02/2023 15:48

She did. Op said the woman “repeatedly” said she was pregnant and ‘I need a seat’. Clearly everyone on the carriage ignored her since no one offered.

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Ah sorry my bad reading comprehension. I don't understand why the parents of the kids didn't offer her a seat then!! Maybe they were afraid to approach a yelling person (I would to be honest, based on the usual Tube nutters screaming their heads off), but if they were just being inconsiderate, that's not on.

Butchyrestingface · 17/02/2023 15:54

What did she want people to do?

Offer her a seat, presumably.

Calphurnia88 · 17/02/2023 16:43

AllOfThemWitches · 17/02/2023 15:39

if the woman came on here saying nobody on the train would give me a seat and I’m pregnant so i stood on the train with an invisible halo around me shouting I’m pregnant don’t come close she would 100% have been slaughtered on here for being entitled and dramatic

100%

No matter how many times you and other posters keeping insisting that people would feel differently if this was posted from the perspective of the pregnant woman, it doesn't make it true.

Andthatstheend · 17/02/2023 17:38

Ifnothat82 · 17/02/2023 15:42

@Andthatstheend

you have “never been on public transport”? and that is your “only downfall”

you would “laugh” at any “mug” that gave up their seat for a pregnant woman

It’s been an education reading your posts. That’s for sure

You’ve tagged the wrong person… not guilty!

bussteward · 17/02/2023 18:17

AllOfThemWitches · 17/02/2023 15:39

if the woman came on here saying nobody on the train would give me a seat and I’m pregnant so i stood on the train with an invisible halo around me shouting I’m pregnant don’t come close she would 100% have been slaughtered on here for being entitled and dramatic

100%

But she presumably wouldn’t put it like that – we only have OP’s take on her behaviour, written in that way. From the woman’s POV things may look quite different and she’d come on here and explain no one would give her a seat and she was being endlessly jostled, for instance. None of us know! I do know that I wouldn’t slaughter her for being entitled and dramatic, though.

Dominoeffecter · 17/02/2023 18:44

LocalHobo · 16/02/2023 22:14

I don't see pregnancy as an illness but I do think children travelling with responsible adults should always give up their seat for adults over 40ish.

I’d be taken aback if a child offered me a seat because I’m 40ish 🤭

Dominoeffecter · 17/02/2023 18:46

Thatboymum · 16/02/2023 22:16

I wouldn’t have offered her a seat I’d have offered her some advice that she’s only pregnant not disabled and isn’t the first or last woman either

Eurgh

PoseyFlump · 17/02/2023 19:23

This thread's not really about a pregnant woman having a bad day. It's about someone thinking it's fair game to tear her down on MN for having a bad day.

Emmamoo89 · 17/02/2023 19:26

Shocking that no one gave her a seat. You're an arse for slagging a pregnant woman off

Emmamoo89 · 17/02/2023 19:30

Thatboymum · 16/02/2023 22:16

I wouldn’t have offered her a seat I’d have offered her some advice that she’s only pregnant not disabled and isn’t the first or last woman either

You've obviously never been pregnant 🙄

Manthide · 17/02/2023 20:12

It sounds like she was feeling very anxious and certainly not pathetic for verbalising her need to sit down. I had a cervical stitch put in when I was 12 weeks pregnant with dd2 and sometimes I needed to get the bus with my 12 month old. I remember looking at people hoping they could see my need - I was living abroad and didn't speak the language well. I get really annoyed when children are given their own seats on crowded trains as they don't pay full price. I would have mine sit on my knee or stand next to me.

Thatboymum · 17/02/2023 20:23

Emmamoo89 · 17/02/2023 19:30

You've obviously never been pregnant 🙄

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What did the stork drop my kids off then 😂

Carlycat · 17/02/2023 20:23

She should have been offered a seat. Any decent human would have offered
Shame on the guard for not sticking up for her 😡
I've been in situations with my ( obviously ) disabled mum where I've had to literally shout out for a seat for her when disabled seats seats have been taken up by kids