Should I have been informed?

[HereForTeaAndCake]

DS10 was invited to a friend's house for the day but it turns out the children spent most of their time wandering the street unsupervised, calling on friends etc. I was not consulted and DS has no phone and has only recently been ready for playdates without me. I only learned of how little time he spent at said friend's house when he was picked up. AIBU to think that I should have been given the choice?

Yes I gathered that. Doesn’t make any difference imo unless her friends are a few years older. But at the end of the day it’s your call what you decide with your own kids.

The main point of this thread was should the OP be informed of the plan to allow the children to go out unsupervised.

You are being dramatic

My son went to a similar party at around 10 yrs old. Unfortunately there was a fatal shooting close by and the area became totally gridlocked and mobile reception went down. It was terrifying, very unusual I'm sure but there's no worse feeling than not being able to find your child and knowing there's been a serious incident of some sort . A security guard noticed how distressed the group of boys were and allowed them to use the shop land line although a few of them didn't know their numbers.
A few of them had mobiles and there was complete reliance on them being able to use them. It certainly ranks as the most terrifying incident I experienced with my children.

Goodness sounds like some of you live in really rough places.

YANBU. At that age, I would have confirmed with other parents that they were ok with their kids walking to shop or similar excursion. I wouldn't want to have sole responsibility if anything went wrong.

YANBU I think it’s reasonable that you know where your son is going to be more so for his safety in case anything happens to him. I was explaining to my 18 year old that it’s important to let people know where you are for your own safety. The world isn’t a safe place but a part of growing up is communicating with others. That’s what brings independence.

I grew up in London but my children were brought up in a small quiet town. I still wouldn’t allow it. There are predators everywhere. There was a man who flashed himself at a primary school girl outside the park. WTF

@Rollingaroundinmud

Flashers, shootings, stabbings. Sounds rough to me.

We just don't live in that kind of place.

Happy to live in a part of the country where kids can still play out and do. And it's completely normal.

And I'm not alone. The thread has loads of others with similar experiences and outlooks.

living in nice little villages and towns doesn’t eliminate the risk bad things happening.

People still drive like idiots, people still get mugged and kids can just as easily get assaulted or worse. This difference is being of an age where you are more capable of dealing with such situations.
Younger children are also a much easier target for a predator than say an 13/14 year old. Even if they are out with friends, they don’t have the maturity or insight to deal with a threatening situation.

You do sound quite anxious. What would you’ve have said if she asked ? Your son was fine. So that’s great news right? He’s 10 and should be able to do this.

Shootings not where I live. I believe that children hanging out on the streets is a waste of time. That’s my opinion and if you don’t agree and are happy great. Even if I lived in your area I would still feel the same. I am not changing my children have too much to do than run up and down.

Out of curiosity what do people think is the age when you no longer have to ask another parent what their child is allowed to do?

18

@Frozenpizza

Of course and therefore what a 6 yo, a 10 yo and a 14 yo are allowed to do is different.

@Rollingaroundinmud tell me you're joking

How sad for your children.

No I am not I have let them go but I need to know where they are and what they are planning. Children like boundaries you let them free something happens then it’s your fault why it happened. You didn’t parent or protect them.

That’s your opinion I could say the same for yours. I parent my children and I enjoy it.

but isn’t that your child’s responsibility to ask you permission and not the parent? I don’t know the majority of my teenage children's’ friend’s parents. I rely on my child asking me if she can do an activity and then I can say yes or no and for them to give me the details. It would feel funny for a parent to do the asking instead of my child directly. But maybe times have changed more than I thought!!

I have a 9 year old who I do baby a bit, partly because they can be a bit oblivious and not as street aware as my older kid. They have a mix of friends their own age who for some reason are nearly all the oldest in their family and have tighter restrictions and younger brothers and sisters of my older kids friends who are mainly a year or two older and have more freedom. If I leave him somewhere I talk to the parents about what I expect. We have a lot of whole family get togethers where he is the youngest of the younger siblings and they all have to play by his rules although we are getting to the point where I have to let go. But the point is, at 10 years old I would expect being allowed to go out alone is a possibility and if I didn't want him to do that I would make that clear at the start.

My children work it out with their friends and then they would ask me. Her friends didn’t live close by and I don’t drive so it had to be worked out. Sometimes their parents would pick her up or I would arrange a taxi.

Those accusing you of mollycoddling are ignorant. Ignore them. It’s hard for some people to imagine children that some children don’t develop typically- physically, emotionally, etc.

Primary-aged DC’s friend’s mum told me she’d be with them at a shopping mall. She left them there for three hours on their own. i no longer trust her. She should’ve been upfront and given me the choice.

I’m really surprised by some of these responses. We don’t live in a rough area, but 10 year olds don’t really go round on their own. Year 6 and definitely by year 7 they do BUT it’s up to the parents. I really think all the parents I know would check first if the kid was allowed out unsupervised. I stand by my YANBU.

@Drfosters Did you not read the OP?
we’re not talking about teenagers here, we’re talking about a 10 year old with little experience of being allowed out unsupervised (and presumably no phone). How was he supposed to ask his mums permission? It was the responsibility of the adult in charge.

The language on this thread is so overblown. From ROAMING the streets to PACKS of kids, honestly. How are these children ever to learn any independence? The child was playing with a friend who knows the area, knew where they were going and they were in a residential area. The way some people talk you’d think these children were in a war zone. I would wager a pretty confident bet the mothers of 10 year old boys in Ukraine or Syria aren’t demanding text updates if their children go out unaccompanied with friends, as they know what real peril is. I say that myself as someone who went to school on the Lower Falls Road in Belfast during the 80s and walked home from school with friends, visited friends in other areas without parental oversight (beyond picking me up maybe) from the age of 9, as was and remains completely the norm here. The conditions and very real dangers of my youth are so far beyond what any child anywhere in the UK will experience now it’s unreal. People have lost all perspective. 10 year olds are so capable. They aren’t babies and it’s so sad so many parents want to treat them as if they are toddlers, I really feel for them.