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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random man in restaurant

359 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

OP posts:
Starlitestarbright · 16/02/2023 11:44

You sound like a twat. How dare you give that employee a condensing dressing down like that. Telling them they aren't as good as they think they are is beyond rude. Having worked in hospitality the way people think they can speak to you is utterly appalling. We have your own version of events, I suspect how and the way you said it was way worser than you describe. Good for the bloke for sticking up for them. I suspect the customers were discussing your poor behaviour when you left, not the man's

RedHelenB · 16/02/2023 11:44

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:58

Random guy walked off and went to the loo. When his wife said good look with that my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave. He also complained about the food and service when I was complaining to the manager.

Why didn't your husband say all that to the man who actually spoke to you?
And ywbu, you could have asked to see the desert menu rather than expecting to be fawned over. And said something about the food at the time.

Inkpotlover · 16/02/2023 11:48

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 11:02

Seriously? It was op's behaviour that started the whole unsavoury episode.

I take it you're joking when you suggest it was a good life lesson to her daughter in how to conduct yourself?

Show quote history

How did OP start it? Baffled by you saying that, because from reading her posts all she did was truthfully answer the manager when he asked for feedback about their meal and experience and then she stood up to herself against a boorish stranger who decided he had the right to tell her how to behave. How is this her fault??

MelaniesFlowers · 16/02/2023 11:49

I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are

This was rude and unnecessary. It isn’t constructive or relevant, you just said it to be a dick.

You obviously were too loud if other people can hear your exact conversations. If you don’t want to be called out on your behaviour, don’t behave poorly.

Absolutely it’s okay to be honest when asked how it was, but not in the rude way you went about doing so.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/02/2023 11:50

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 10:42

When his wife said good look with that my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave
But he wasn't quite big and brave enough to tell the guy directly? He left a message with his wife as he scooted out the door?
Oh, dear!
The pair of you are sounding like a right pair of clowns.

In response to the bitchy “Good luck with that” comment that the WIFE made. Of course he had a go at the woman - it was her who made the comment! What should he have done - talked through the husband like she didn’t exist?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/02/2023 11:51

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:49

People are told not to do that and instead you should complain at the time so the restaurant has the opportunity to respond and rectify.

Show quote history

But she didnt complain at the time really, they had no chance to rectify as they were walking out the door, at any point during their meal, while it was still on the table she could have spoke to waiting staff about the bad food, then they could have rectified it. Same with the deserts and coffee, if they were overlooked they should have said something at the time. Op sounds like she acted a complete arse upon leaving and someone called her out on it. She was obviously loud enough for others to hear what was said. Sounds to me like she was grasping for a refund or partial refund nothing else.

Pseudonamed · 16/02/2023 11:57

You are a Dub arent you? Lol I would have told the manager the same but as for the rude man and his wife I would have only thought of a witty retort hours later as I am not good on my feet. Silly fucker making any comment at all though. Should have kept his snout out.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 16/02/2023 11:57

Why do people keep saying waitress.
Op clearly states it was the manager and refers to them as he.

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 12:01

The random man was an arrogant, sexist arse and his wife was a cunt for her comment.

What makes him arrogant or sexist?
Because he called OP out for her rude behaviour?

I would have done too.

Nothing annoys me more when people are happy to eat the food, drink the drink and then have a go at the waiting staff just as the bill comes.
Some people will do anything to get money off their bill.

If they were so unhappy with the food or service then they should have said something.

OP was spoiling for a fight as soon as she got in the building and had a problem with multiple people in there.

Bossa09 · 16/02/2023 12:01

As Pp above has said, you sound more than capable of addressing any issues beforehand. So why wait to the end? Your comment was out of order. There should have been check-backs at various points of your meal asking how things are. Which would’ve been your chance to speak up and allow staff and management to redeem themselves, sorting any issues.
Seen and been at the other side of this plenty of times. And usually it’s something trivial that’s set someone off and they find fault with everything else.

corcaithecat · 16/02/2023 12:03

Ignore the apologists on this thread. They still think women should behave according to some outdated misogynist values. To be honest, I feel a bit sorry for their children. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OoooohMatron · 16/02/2023 12:04

Money can't buy class. You all sound awful. The man for being a pretentious wine twat, you for shouting after him, your DH for getting involved and man's wife for saying what she said to DH. I bet your poor daughter wanted the ground to swallow her up.

ancientgran · 16/02/2023 12:05

What did the manager say when you made your complaints?

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 16/02/2023 12:08

Intrepidescape · 16/02/2023 05:46

You should post a review of what happened.

Also, that woman was a bitch. She said what she said to deliberately upset you and give a reaction.

Post a review. There are businesses out there that are prepared to work.

This. I would personally leave a stinker of a review on places like TripAdvisor.

Also, what struck me is that you have a good husband there OP (many wouldn’t have stood up for you the way he did).

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 16/02/2023 12:16

Inkpotlover · 16/02/2023 11:48

How did OP start it? Baffled by you saying that, because from reading her posts all she did was truthfully answer the manager when he asked for feedback about their meal and experience and then she stood up to herself against a boorish stranger who decided he had the right to tell her how to behave. How is this her fault??

Show quote history

It’s difficult to tell whether OP really was treated differently to the other customers or whether it’s more that she was intimidated by being there (it sounds very snooty) and her expectations were very/too high due to the prices. The loud wine snob guy might have been more at ease so more chatty with the staff (and then got friendlier service).

Either way, loud wine snob guy should have kept out of it and his wife was just plain rude.

Clarinet1 · 16/02/2023 12:31

Does anyone else think the restaurant missed a trick by not offering pudding and tea or coffee? Lost revenue!

been and done it. · 16/02/2023 12:33

So1invictus · 16/02/2023 05:52

Frankly, you all sound as bad as each other.

So we're all supposed to keep quiet about poor service are we? The OP was asked and she delivered, can't see what was wrong with that..If I'd paid £160 quid I'd be critiquing the service too.

Loics · 16/02/2023 12:35

Well we've heard one side of the story. The fact you berate the man for being on his phone for 10 minutes says enough. Instead of sitting there making yourself more annoyed and jealous of the fact the manager seemed to get on better with him (maybe they knew each other?), you could have ignored him and focused on your own night.
You were rude to the manager so I can see why he mentioned it, again, particularly if they're friends. I wouldn't let someone give my friend a public dressing down like that. The wife's comment was perhaps uncalled for, but it sounds like you were chomping at the bit to complain to the manager if I'm honest, maybe they didn't offer you dessert because they wanted you out before any drama occurred?

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 16/02/2023 12:40

It was none of his business - he should've kept his beak out.

Eggsandavocado · 16/02/2023 12:40

RobertsRadio · 16/02/2023 11:43

The random man was an arrogant, sexist arse and his wife was a cunt for her comment. Hope they both got the raging shits.

😆

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/02/2023 12:46

Clarinet1 · 16/02/2023 12:31

Does anyone else think the restaurant missed a trick by not offering pudding and tea or coffee? Lost revenue!

I'm thinking it very strange they didn't, which makes me question ops attitude from the minute she arrived tbh.

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 12:55

So we're all supposed to keep quiet about poor service are we? The OP was asked and she delivered, can't see what was wrong with that..If I'd paid £160 quid I'd be critiquing the service too.

@been and done it.

If it was that bad, why didn’t OP say something during the meal so they could try and rectify it?

Headabovetheparakeet · 16/02/2023 13:01

What city are you in? €160 for 3 people including wine tasting for 2 people isn't very much these days.

corcaithecat · 16/02/2023 13:01

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 12:55

So we're all supposed to keep quiet about poor service are we? The OP was asked and she delivered, can't see what was wrong with that..If I'd paid £160 quid I'd be critiquing the service too.

@been and done it.

If it was that bad, why didn’t OP say something during the meal so they could try and rectify it?

🤣 Don’t be so ridiculous. It’s not the customers responsibility to provide additional training opportunities for the staff.

If I’m paying a lot of money for a high end service, I expect them to get it right the first time.

lieselotte · 16/02/2023 13:01

It's weird how you get this. I was in the hairdressers during covid when you had to wear a face mask, and twice running, I ended up there at the same time as a woman who had a very loud voice and kept wearing her mask as a beard. Everyone was fawning over her as well, including the woman who was cutting my hair. I did wonder who earth she was and why she was so important. She wasn't the owner.

Anyway just leave a poor TripAdvisor review OP. Have you checked the reviews? You might find this is a regular occurrence. Or you just had an unlucky night.

As for the comment from the woman, it's unusual as usually they make themselves small when their husbands are being obnoxious, but they obviously deserve each other.