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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random man in restaurant

359 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 16/02/2023 10:32

So1invictus · 16/02/2023 05:52

Frankly, you all sound as bad as each other.

This exactly.

I'd love to see the review, as suggested by a pp. "I had a fight with another random customer...."

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 16/02/2023 10:33

I’d be getting straight on trip advisor!

theworldhas · 16/02/2023 10:34

“You're not as good as you think you are"
I think that comment was a bit below the belt and unnecessary, though apart from that what you did giving an honest assessment of avaerga food and poor service was totally fine.

I agree that random man could well have been the reviewer/a critic or have some other stake in the matter. Which doesn’t excuse his behaviour but does explain it.

”good luck with that”
that’s a disgraceful comment.

theworldhas · 16/02/2023 10:35

Meant to say, random could also have been the owner/friend.

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 10:35

I’m with the random man here.

I too have stood up for waiting staff when customers have been unnecessarily rude to them.

You didn’t say anything about the service during the meal, which could have been rectified at the time.
Yet when it came time to pay you gave her a very loud dressing down about how rubbish it all was, loud enough that other tables could hear.

You sound very rude.

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:36

Woman not allowed to have an opinion.

I am entirely sick of men telling us how to behave so I am firmly on your side. You should write a very accurate review of the website and leave it there as an expensive mistake.

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:36

*of the restaurant

ThisIsAnAlaia · 16/02/2023 10:37

It sounds like YOU ruined your own night. You were looking for things to be angry about. You sound just as obnoxious as "random man" with your "you're not as good as you think you are" comments to the manager. Maybe you've met your equal with random man and you're the random woman equivalent.

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 10:37

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:36

Woman not allowed to have an opinion.

I am entirely sick of men telling us how to behave so I am firmly on your side. You should write a very accurate review of the website and leave it there as an expensive mistake.

It's hardly about "men dictating how we behave", don't be daft.
Op behaved badly and was called out on it.

Glitteratitar · 16/02/2023 10:38

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:36

Woman not allowed to have an opinion.

I am entirely sick of men telling us how to behave so I am firmly on your side. You should write a very accurate review of the website and leave it there as an expensive mistake.

Does that apply to OP’s husband having a go at the woman for what her husband said, after her husband had gone to the bathroom?

Twawmyarse2 · 16/02/2023 10:38

How dare that Idiot chastise you for complaining about shit service. What on earth did he think gave him the right?

I wonder if he'd have said anything if it had been your dh complaining? These types of men never seem to call out other men on their behaviour. I guess he thinks women should know their place.

Misogynistic dick. And the wife too - I'd have told my dh to shut his piehole if it'd been me.

Choconut · 16/02/2023 10:40

Sounds like your husband has your back. I'd concentrate on that and not worry about these randoms. You don't need to waste your money at their restaurant again, leave a review on tripadvisor and find a restaurant that appreciates your custom.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 16/02/2023 10:42

@Theblacksheepandme
I would have done the same as you.
Constructive criticism and he did ask if everything was alright.

As for the hobby twat that tried to tell you off like a child I would have probably told him politely to get back in his box and death stared him out the door. Prick

He kiss had a little too much wine and was in the mood for a derogatory pick on a women moment.

Don't take it personal.

My husband probably would have told him where to go before I got the chance

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 10:42

When his wife said good look with that my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave
But he wasn't quite big and brave enough to tell the guy directly? He left a message with his wife as he scooted out the door?
Oh, dear!
The pair of you are sounding like a right pair of clowns.

Twawmyarse2 · 16/02/2023 10:42

Glitteratitar · 16/02/2023 10:38

Does that apply to OP’s husband having a go at the woman for what her husband said, after her husband had gone to the bathroom?

Show quote history

Read what actually happened. The OP's dh basically told the woman to get lost after she nastily made the p.a. comment "good luck with THAT" as he and his teenage dd passed her. The p.a. woman's dh was in the toilet. He responded to her nasty behaviour.

Incomparable to what Misogynistic Guy did to the OP. He actively got up out of his chair and went out of his way to give his unwanted and unwarranted opinion to her before walking off before she could reply (cowardly). He wouldn't have done that if Op has been a man - I'd bet my life on it.

TheShellBeach · 16/02/2023 10:43

Am I the only one who opened this thread hoping it would be another "can anyone guess who the random man in the restaurant was" thread?
Grin

SleeplessInEngland · 16/02/2023 10:43

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are

The line about the food is a harsh but honest assessment. The second part is borderline childish.

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:45

Glitteratitar · 16/02/2023 10:38

Does that apply to OP’s husband having a go at the woman for what her husband said, after her husband had gone to the bathroom?

Show quote history

The op said

my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave.

How was the ‘having a go at the woman?’

PhillySub · 16/02/2023 10:45

You could have just gone home and left a very poor review on their site but I can understand the temptation to give it some wellie.

MarieRoseMarie · 16/02/2023 10:46

You sound thin skinned, insecure and rude. You didn’t like the restaurant. You felt judged by them fawning over someone else and you took the opportunity to make a nasty below the belt critique at the end.

I feel sorry for your teenager having to watch these adults embarrass themselves.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 16/02/2023 10:46

Isn’t there a well known MN response for situations like this that goes something like “thank you for your unwanted opinion random man” - I’m sure someone will be along to remind me exactly how it’s said.

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:48

Anecdotally I am entirely tired of random men telling me what to do. I don’t know if it’s my age (close to 50) and I just don’t have the hormones for the misogyny anymore. I’m also erring on the side of thinking everyone is just pissed off and having a go at each other. But personally the only sex that tries to tell me what to do in public randomly, is male. Make of that what you will.

Justalittlebitduckling · 16/02/2023 10:48

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:58

Random guy walked off and went to the loo. When his wife said good look with that my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave. He also complained about the food and service when I was complaining to the manager.

It’s nice to read about a DH sticking up for a DW on here for a change.

Maybe you were rude, but that’s none of their business. It’s a shame you didn’t think of a
witty retort to the wife like, good luck existing alongside such an unreconstructed,
sanctimonious bore.

RudsyFarmer · 16/02/2023 10:49

PhillySub · 16/02/2023 10:45

You could have just gone home and left a very poor review on their site but I can understand the temptation to give it some wellie.

People are told not to do that and instead you should complain at the time so the restaurant has the opportunity to respond and rectify.

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 10:50

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 16/02/2023 10:46

Isn’t there a well known MN response for situations like this that goes something like “thank you for your unwanted opinion random man” - I’m sure someone will be along to remind me exactly how it’s said.

Not the random man nonsense again... It would make you sound extremely dim witted if you actually used this in real life.

God knows op didn't exactly cover herself in glory in this scenario, Random Manning as if it was the ultimate in witty put downs would hardly have helped.

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