Random man in restaurant

[Theblacksheepandme]

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

random manning? 😉

YADNBU!! He sounds awful and entitled and it sounds as if they were being given preferential treatment!

I believe you should give restaurants/bars etc honest feedback but you were very rude with yours and imo came off badly. Telling the manager the food and service are poor and require improvement is perfectly acceptable feedback. Saying to the manager your restaurant isn't as good as it thinks it is, is uncalled-for, rude and argumentative. I too would have considered telling you that you were out of order to speak to a staff member like that. There are ways to go about things and trashy, snobby behaviour like yours should absolutely be challenged.

The people on all the other tables will have been cringing inside out because of the behaviour of you all.

Well, no. I think its reasonable, if asked if everything was ok with their meal, to respond honestly. I used to work in a restaurant and to be honest that would normally be preferred to someone smiling and saying yes lovely and then complaining on line later. although not as annoying as people saying halfway through everything is fine and then complaining at the very end once they cleared their plate.

I can't stand people talking unnecessarily loud in restaurants, especially on a mobile. Sounds like a right prat. And all the peacocking about wine etc. just shut up and show your wine credentials quietly.

But there is a bit of irony here at you loudly complaining with the deliberate intention of phone man overhearing you. So "don't tell me how to behave" is directly after you telling HIM how to behave.

The food might not have been quite as good as you'd hoped, and the service may have not been up to much, but a better way of handling things would have been to be a little more assertive to the staff in requesting tea/coffee, with a polite "excuse me, can we order..." I'm not saying you should lie and say the food was great, but your outburst was a bit childish, "I was expecting a little more for the price tbh" and if you insist, an honest trip adviser review etc.

All in all, I think phone man is a prat, and his wife reinforcing a fair bit of sexism, but I'm not sure you can be proud of your part here either.

Rather than focus on the bad behaviour of others, see what a good life lesson you gave your daughter because that's what's important here. Please take this on board and show her you don't doubt your behaviour rather you said what had to be said.

Please leave a review on TripAdvisor. I would class the price as 'special occasion' dining and I'd hate to have it ruined by a pretentious manager or staff and I'd always read reviews before booking. They might even reply and apologise.

Saying "you're not as good as you think you are" like a 10 year old is definitely not something that had to be said on top of any other valid complaints. I'd have cringed myself to death if I was the daughter in that situation.

Your attitude throughout absolutely stinks and it reads as though you were spoiling for a fight from the get go. I'm surprised more pp haven't commented on that.

The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious
There was a couple of obnoxious men in
He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes
didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are.
called him a pretentious idiot

You sounded angry and obnoxious.

Seriously? It was op's behaviour that started the whole unsavoury episode.

I take it you're joking when you suggest it was a good life lesson to her daughter in how to conduct yourself?

ugh..didn't mean to quote whole post

@Theblacksheepandme name and shame, op. What was the restaurant?

Well, no. I think its reasonable, if asked if everything was ok with their meal, to respond honestly.

Loudly so surrounding tables can hear, and with insults a 12-year-old would come out with ("You're not as good as you think you are")?

I can't help thinking that the fact your complaint poured out in a not very constructive manner might have something to do with having just drunk quite a bit of wine. I'm not bashing you, this is something that might happen to me, where in my head I'm thinking "why shouldn't I be assertive!" but it perhaps comes out a bit more obstreperous-sounding than is helpful in the situation.

The problem is though, by the time you've had poor service or been left hanging around for ages to get the bill/feel snubbed by waitstaff, you do just want to pay and go rather than get into a constructive resolution as tends to be recommended.

But, how delightful for you everyone else in the restaurant. Everybody loves a scene over dinner.

I can see how op’s anger built up over the night. She says the manager made them feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly. And during the night the manager was fawning over the other guests.

I’ve been to many very fine dining restaurants (dh’s working all over the world), with and without our children. Sometimes dressed up, but more often not so much.
A good manager and good staff treat all their guests the same, and they should get the same attention during the evening. The finest restaurants I find do just that, make you feel just as welcome as the famous celebrity that might be sitting at a table next to you.

Like op said herself it wasn’t her finest moment, but at least she acknowledges that. The manager or the woman probably won’t.

For me it might be a force of habit though, as I used to work extra as a secret customer/shopper going to restaurants, for the fun of it.

Your attitude throughout absolutely stinks and it reads as though you were spoiling for a fight from the get go. I'm surprised more pp haven't commented on that.

I completely agree!

OP had an issue with at least 3 different people from the get go and she felt others were getting preferable treatment.

I get why the other women said “good luck” as OP sounds very difficult.

She could have mentioned her issues during their service but she only conveniently piped up when the bill came.
She talked down to the poor waitress so loud that other tables could hear her which is very unfair.

Her DH stayed quiet until the man had gone and then only after he left did he say something to the wife.

There was a poor kid in the middle of all of this ridiculousness who must have spent the entire meal waiting for OP to make a scene.

Posters are only agreeing because OP is a woman and the random person was a man.

If it was random man who was rude to the waitress and OP called him out, everyone would be telling her she did the right thing.

Random man was out of line. His wife, too.

But.

I have left restaurants after a single glass of wine or starter because the service was already poor or the starter really substandard. A restaurant needs to justify the money spent, which means good food and service.

If you sense a restaurant is not for you, or that the service is poor, close out the cheque and leave. Respectfully tell them why. Management can choose to take that on board or not, and you can go eat well elsewhere.

If you just don't like a dish, send it back. Request a change.

But waiting until the end and complaining gives the staff no chance to fix what's wrong for you, and you still have a bad experience.

Well said.

I was at a conference where 50% of the speakers were female and at the final feedback session one of the (male) attendees complained that it was mostly female speakers and needed to be more equal. He was told it was exactly 50% male/female but he wasn’t convinced.

I don’t agree with what OP said or how she handled matters but I do think she was, quite tightly peeved with the manager/restaurant in fawning over the other couple more than her and her family and it’s a bit of a tricky one, as how are you meant to address that with the manager without it sounding whiny from her POV?

I probably wouldn’t have said anything to him though, just given a nasty Trip Advisor/Google review.

The man was an arse for having a go at OP and so was his wife, none of their business and they’ve got (and probably know) they got the service they deserved. But OP and her family should’ve had exactly the same service.

I would put it down as a poor experience all round.
They all sound like knobs.

I'm sorry but the way you describe the restaurant as pretentious then go on to say "he was even on his mobile for 10 minutes" made me laugh, as it sounds pretentious as fuck!

The random man was an arrogant, sexist arse and his wife was a cunt for her comment. Hope they both got the raging shits.