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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random man in restaurant

359 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

OP posts:
lieselotte · 16/02/2023 13:02

He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply

they always do that

lieselotte · 16/02/2023 13:05

Telling them they aren't as good as they think they are is beyond rude

So how would you tell a restaurant that their food was overpriced and overrated. I have put exactly it in a tripadvisor review, not sure why it's rude. Are we just supposed to eat any old rubbish that is put in front of us in the interests of #being kind?

And you've obviously missed the irony given your personal insult towards the OP as well. Totally unnecessary.

zingally · 16/02/2023 13:06

Post a scathing review on Google and/or trip advisor.

And don't go there again.

Ceryneianhind · 16/02/2023 13:07

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:58

Random guy walked off and went to the loo. When his wife said good look with that my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave. He also complained about the food and service when I was complaining to the manager.

my husband told her that it was un called for that her husband spoke to me like that. He told her that he had no right in telling me how to behave.

Why the fuck did your DH tell off the wife for the husbands behaviour?? jeez

lieselotte · 16/02/2023 13:07

The random man was an arrogant, sexist arse

Not sure about the sexist, but but anyone who has a mobile phone conversation for 10 minutes (or at all) in a restaurant can comfortably be described as arrogant. You go outside.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/02/2023 13:09

lieselotte · 16/02/2023 13:05

Telling them they aren't as good as they think they are is beyond rude

So how would you tell a restaurant that their food was overpriced and overrated. I have put exactly it in a tripadvisor review, not sure why it's rude. Are we just supposed to eat any old rubbish that is put in front of us in the interests of #being kind?

And you've obviously missed the irony given your personal insult towards the OP as well. Totally unnecessary.

I would have calmly said the food wasn't great and that the service was neglectful (only the second one is valid really, the first just means you don't go back).

I would not have said "you're not as good as you think you are" because that would have made me sound 10 years old, and embarrassed my daughter.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/02/2023 13:09

lieselotte · 16/02/2023 13:05

Telling them they aren't as good as they think they are is beyond rude

So how would you tell a restaurant that their food was overpriced and overrated. I have put exactly it in a tripadvisor review, not sure why it's rude. Are we just supposed to eat any old rubbish that is put in front of us in the interests of #being kind?

And you've obviously missed the irony given your personal insult towards the OP as well. Totally unnecessary.

Most decent people would mention the food when it is sat in front of them, not wait till they are leaving when the restaurant can do fuck all about it.

Tbh if I dont have anything good to say about an eatery I dont go running online to slag them off and try and harm their business, I just dont go there again.

Bertha21 · 16/02/2023 13:10

Maybe it’s not what you say but the way you say it. How do you know how good they think they are? It sounds like you wanted to bring them down a few levels?
Annoying they didn’t offer you coffee but you could ask and mention your points then.
It had nothing to do with the man but he obviously disagreed or was looking for an argument. His wife was the same. Clearly they deserve each other.

Cocobutt · 16/02/2023 13:30

Don’t be so ridiculous. It’s not the customers responsibility to provide additional training opportunities for the staff.

@corcaithecat

So you’d seriously rather sit through a meal that had awful food and terrible service just because you don’t want to ‘train the staff’.

Jeez, talk about cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Having the backbone to say to someone I’m not happy with this food as it is undercooked etc isn’t providing additional training opportunities - it’s ensuring you get decent food which you are paying for.

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 14:20

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/02/2023 11:50

In response to the bitchy “Good luck with that” comment that the WIFE made. Of course he had a go at the woman - it was her who made the comment! What should he have done - talked through the husband like she didn’t exist?

Show quote history

He talked through the wife like the husband didn't exist, though? 😂 He didn't berate her for her comment, he told her how unimpressed he was with her husband's behaviour.

Not unimpressed enough to speak to him directly, though...

BronnauMawrion · 16/02/2023 14:30

"Frankie & Benny's" has gone downhill...

winningeasy · 16/02/2023 14:37

Leave a horrendous Google review and get them where it hurts

Sound like a bunch of wankers

Upsidedownagain · 16/02/2023 14:39

I voted YABU. You don't give your exact words but your accounts sounds like you were possibly rude. I'm all for speaking up if things aren't right, but it needs to be factual and unemotional.

The random guy had no business interfering. My advice is to ignore unwanted comments or look mildly disapproving and not answer. It works as it takes the wind out of their sails.

But to be upset - no. Think no more of it. He was a twat. They exist. Don't engage.

KatherineJaneway · 16/02/2023 14:41

None of you come out of this well.

PinkSyCo · 16/02/2023 16:02

Sounds like you all had too much wine. Hopefully there were no kid’s in the restaurant being forced to put up with all you badly behaved adults.

PuppyMonkey · 16/02/2023 17:11

I’m imagining it like that restaurant Frasier and Niles opened - the one that ended up with the sprinklers going off and the car crashing through the window.Grin

niugboo · 16/02/2023 18:45

You obviously were loud. How else would other man have known you complained?

blippyissilly · 16/02/2023 18:52

Somebody who had been loud all evening told you off for being loud?

Fuck you would have been a good response op

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/02/2023 18:56

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 14:20

He talked through the wife like the husband didn't exist, though? 😂 He didn't berate her for her comment, he told her how unimpressed he was with her husband's behaviour.

Not unimpressed enough to speak to him directly, though...

Show quote history

A) He only mentioned the husband’s behaviour AFTER pulling the wife on hers.

B) Random man had already buggered off.

Do try to read.

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 18:56

blippyissilly · 16/02/2023 18:52

Somebody who had been loud all evening told you off for being loud?

Fuck you would have been a good response op

No, for being rude and obnoxious to the waiter. Loudly.

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 19:01

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/02/2023 18:56

A) He only mentioned the husband’s behaviour AFTER pulling the wife on hers.

B) Random man had already buggered off.

Do try to read.

Show quote history

I can read perfectly well, thank you 😁.
If op's dh sat dumbly by while the other guy was supposedly chewing a strip off op, that's his problem.
I imagine he'd have managed to get a word in before the guy buggered off to the loo, if he'd really wanted to.
He clearly didn't dare.

crew2022 · 16/02/2023 21:21

You received poor service and you told them. Random guy probably doesn't like anyone who doesn't see things his way and he had a different experience to you. Leave a rating on trip advisor and don't go again.

dramakween · 17/02/2023 03:43

@CupEmpty

Eek I can't find it!! I've looked quite a bit but no luck.

Redkettle · 17/02/2023 03:49

Did they not check with you while you were eating as to how your food was

donttellmehesalive · 17/02/2023 06:51

In what way was the restaurant pretentious? In what way was the manager unfriendly and unwelcoming? I am trying to decide whether they were rude and deserved your rather unpleasant verbal feedback, or whether you were just a bit touchy and irritated by the loud couple (hardly the restaurants fault).

Your feedback - that the food wasn't great and that they're not as good as they think they are - was unnecessarily harsh wasnt it? Feedback about slow service and not being asked about dessert/coffee was fair enough but feel like you'd already set the tone with your first comments, which were not helpful feedback and just rude.

The customer who then said you didn't need to be so loud addressing the manager - well, he wasn't really objecting to the volume but to the public dressing down you gave him. I am afraid that asking your own family whether you'd been loud, and then calling after him, just confirmed his opinion of you.