To request a new health visitor?

[Mooshmallow]

I booked the soft play for my toddler and baby last night as my toddler has the week off nursery i remebered this morning the health visitor was coming so i text to let her know and asked her to come another day it was sent on imessage and i saw she read the text any way i got in the shower and she rang but i couldnt answer 10/15 mins later i heard my door and my partner answered it was her asking to come in my partner said no and reminded her i had let her know not to come today as we are going out she said she knows and began begging too come in saying she needs to see the kids my partner kept kindly saying no as we are busy ( i needed to get the kids showered after mine and we was already rushing for our booking ) i found what she did disrespectful and im confused as to why she did this she is also always judging me and asking very personal questions about my childhood and other things she even knows my biological mums name which i have never mentioned? and when i rang up to request a new health visitor i was told all the things that she is doing is what any health visitor does is this correct what is everyones opinions on this please?

If there’s no cause for concern regarding yourself or your children then you have every right to decline the visits. The only other thing I can think of which other people have pointed out is that she knows something that you don’t. If that’s the case that’s really unfair on you.

If I was you I would contact the person above your HV & explain how she’s asking very personal questions & you’re finding her visits unproductive & unnecessary. If you haven’t anything to hide then they can’t do anything other than agree.

I've had my second baby in this country so first experience with this whole midwife and HV thing. I found their visits to be such a nuisance and waste of time. I'm surprised that people said that they do just a few visits. We had about 6-8 visits between them. They often came when the baby was feeding or asleep and woke them up! One asked me to wake the baby up so that they can do some alert check or something. A few days old, I can't really see the need for that. It often felt like a tick bock exercise that they were doing, nothing useful at all. They wanted one more visit or for me to come to them and I turned it down. The next thing was my GP calling me all concerned and eventually got to the point of asking me to please call the HV for a final checkup. I can completely understand that this service is valuable for those who need it but for those who don't it's just a waste of time.

I had the opposite of the OP, we didn’t see a HV for the first 2 years, not through lack of trying. I feel like they decided I was low risk from my notes and that was that. There was a number to ring that they never answered.

Between the midwife signing us off at 2 weeks to 2 years, not one medical professional saw my child apart from jabs with the nurse and there was a couple of GP phone appts. We went for the 2yr check which they tried very hard to put us off of even booking. They told me to make sure DC gets to be active (what toddler isn’t) and not to let them eat batteries, erm yeah… move to my area OP, the HV service seem to be allergic to work.

If there are safeguarding concerns it’s still optional. The HV would need to forward to SS who would do a proper assessment and, if the concerns were valid, they would actually let OP know what they were so she could address them. Which would probably be better for OP than having someone tell her everything is fine but keep turning up to sit on her couch for an hour every few weeks and undermine her confidence.

You might not have seen this “if you don’t find them useful you don’t have to see them” attitude much in your work because most people who don’t want an HV just don’t engage with them much. Most places HV are so over stretched you either have to be on their radar or actively engage after the first or second visit.

Young, inexperienced mothers and those lacking in confidence often put up with HVs even though they don’t want them (like OP has done so far) because they are scared to say “no.” Often because they get told it’s voluntary unless they don’t want to, and then that will be taken as a sign they are at risk and they’ll be forced to. It’s a somewhat abusive approach to get compliance where there is no requirement.

This is why I rejected a HV when mine were tiny. I didn’t need them and I don’t like how intrusive they can be. OP you don’t HAVE to have a HV. Say you no longer need their services

My concern would be that this HV is so clumsy and demanding that the op will struggle to meet her demands for time and endless meetings, triggering a safeguarding concern where there would be no concern. I think she's probably paying for the sins of her biological mother and is being viewed through a lens that has nothing to do with the way she parents. Many hvs are good but others are undermining and bossy. Perhaps the HV should be forced to articulate her concerns to SS if she really has any as they will be far too busy for pretend concerns and she'll be set free from the drama and stress of these visits.

Imo hvs natter on with conflicting advice and no regard for the child's routine and how they're interrupting it by being there. Once a year is tolerable but I would be breaking after weekly visits.

Do a subject access request to the health visiting team and that will tell you everything and what their concerns, if any are.