To request a new health visitor?

[Mooshmallow]

I booked the soft play for my toddler and baby last night as my toddler has the week off nursery i remebered this morning the health visitor was coming so i text to let her know and asked her to come another day it was sent on imessage and i saw she read the text any way i got in the shower and she rang but i couldnt answer 10/15 mins later i heard my door and my partner answered it was her asking to come in my partner said no and reminded her i had let her know not to come today as we are going out she said she knows and began begging too come in saying she needs to see the kids my partner kept kindly saying no as we are busy ( i needed to get the kids showered after mine and we was already rushing for our booking ) i found what she did disrespectful and im confused as to why she did this she is also always judging me and asking very personal questions about my childhood and other things she even knows my biological mums name which i have never mentioned? and when i rang up to request a new health visitor i was told all the things that she is doing is what any health visitor does is this correct what is everyones opinions on this please?

You should not be cancelling with no notice. You might not be paying for your appointment yourself but we the taxpayers are. It sounds like you are giving her cause for concern

It's just unusual for such regular visits but if there's genuinely no cause for concern her regular visits are strange and I would request another health visitor too

Yes OP whether you agree or not all your actions today are massive red flags especially when you are a vulnerable young parent. You can’t put your head in the sand. From your update it sounds even more like you weren’t even in the shower, she is an experienced professional and all these abnormalities are things that put you even more on her radar as they are triggers for safeguarding issues. If you have an issue raise it with her next week. Is your partner usually there when she visits? Does she ever see you alone?

You double booked yourself even though HV was booked first and you gave her such short notice! I’d be really annoyed if I was the HV.

I think that cancelling your appointment and not letting the HV in is not helping your case.

I'm sorry but this is the actions of someone who doesn't have their priorities right and shows your age.

Sorry OP, but they are concerned. If you're still in Scotland, normally you're lucky to see the hv more than 3 times in the first 18 months, so this level of input means they want to support you + your children more. Ask her what she wants to see from you to lessen the visits. Does your partner have any history that may be an issue?

In my area you would be offered the HV Teenage Pathway, or FNP (family nurse), which both offer significantly more visits to support young parents. These pathways, as well as normal HV support are not mandatory though.

Also those posting in England saying you have only seen HV a few times, it is a completely different service in Scotland, everyone has around 12 visits as standard over the first couple of years.

Not everywhere, our NHS region only sees them a handful of times, if they are lucky. Some of it is done online/the phone, it's a shocking service

Do you have form for cancelling HV appointments last minute? If you only cancelled 10-15 mins before isn't there very good chance she was on her way to you?
No one in their right mind would cancel a medical appointment at such short notice without a very good excuse, this shouldn't be any different.

You cancelled very last minute this morning. She may have read your message but thought it was easier to drop by.
It sounds like you have more intervention than standard HV does. Perhaps this is due to your age or personal circumstances etc.
I would try to keep and open and honest approach as anything else just raises more red flags on the system. It can be intrusive but it's best to grin and get on with it

Being in care yourself increases the statistical likelihood of your children being in care at some point. That's not a comment on you personally, it's a statistical correlation. Therefore keeping a closer eye on you is more likely to catch any issues before they become harmful.

Just discharge yourself

Don't be so disingenuous OP, you cancelled an appointment 15 minutes before it was due to take place as you double booked yourself and thought taking the toddler to soft play (could go any day) was more important than seeing a professional about your baby.
You are 19 with two very young children so you need to adult properly and stick to appointments you make.
It is possible the health visitor is overbearing but to have seen you so many times clearly indicates there are concerns, especially if you have been told you are disengaged (doesn't help taking the toddler out today of all days).

Sorry but I think YABU to cancel 15 minutes before she's supposed to arrive and to turn her away when she's at the door! How rude

I think it's important to remember HV visits are not compulsory.

OP, you can tell them you no longer wish to have their input. She has told you she has no concerns over your children's safety. The end.

Honestly, just say you no longer require their input anymore and feel confident in your parenting.

I was on one when I had DD as I had only 20 and I had weekly visits OP, she had no concerns it was just because I was young and she thought I might some extra support, we never really spoke about DD it was all about me and how I was feeling. We reduced visits to once a month and then stopped completely

Could you be having something similar?

If that's the case why can't the HV just tell her that? I think that's the issue here. They're saying there are no issues which must be frustrating for the OP.

I dunno. But you're right that they are saying one thing, and the actions are saying another.

I'm genuinely disgusted at some of the incredibly rude replies to the OP .

As I pointed out earlier in the thread , if the OP said she was 39 and having problems with what sounds like a rude and innapropriate health visitor people would be supportive. As she's 19, people are taking glee in telling her that she must need "support" with her parenting and she's immature . Disgusting and ageist and I think MNHQ would stamp down a lot quicker if the OP was 39 instead of 19.

Generally agree with the above ^
Health visitors are pressed for time just like every other service - there will be a reason.

Can't stand HV bashing threads, we need them and they are not useless.

Perfectly acceptable to bash a young parent though and tell them they 'will need support in parenting'

Interesting - if OP is saying she doesn't need support and the health visitor has said they have no concerns, they have no reason to need visual access to the kids.

HV is not compulsory.

I never had this with my daughters health visitor and she is 3 I got a new one with my son and it’s only her that has treat me this way, I can see the majority of people are saying I must be doing something wrong but I’m not I understand i shouldn’t have cancelled but my child has just started feeling better after being Ill since last Friday and I wanted her to at least do something fun on her week off I do also work for the person who said I am wasting “ us taxpayers “ money and today was my day off also I’m sorry but I’d rather spend it with my children having a nice day than sitting in for someone that is unhelpful and sees me on a weekly basis, thank you to the people who have helped me and not judged me like some of the others it’s nice to be kind.

in your shoes I’d ask for a different health visitor. You are fully entitled to do this.

Sounds like there are safeguarding concerns.

This is not a normal amount of visits . You have flagged up as someone who needs additional visits for whatever reason. The hv is not being straight with you.

You absolutely can request a new hv although it may not endear you to the hv team . Alternatively you can decline the service.