To request a new health visitor?

[Mooshmallow]

I booked the soft play for my toddler and baby last night as my toddler has the week off nursery i remebered this morning the health visitor was coming so i text to let her know and asked her to come another day it was sent on imessage and i saw she read the text any way i got in the shower and she rang but i couldnt answer 10/15 mins later i heard my door and my partner answered it was her asking to come in my partner said no and reminded her i had let her know not to come today as we are going out she said she knows and began begging too come in saying she needs to see the kids my partner kept kindly saying no as we are busy ( i needed to get the kids showered after mine and we was already rushing for our booking ) i found what she did disrespectful and im confused as to why she did this she is also always judging me and asking very personal questions about my childhood and other things she even knows my biological mums name which i have never mentioned? and when i rang up to request a new health visitor i was told all the things that she is doing is what any health visitor does is this correct what is everyones opinions on this please?

HV do not have infinite time and resources.

She is repeatedly visiting OP because there quite clearly are concerns, and it seems like it would be a little detrimental if OP knew what they were.

Some of the advice on the thread may inadvertently be incorrect as people are basing it on their experience in other parts of UK. You do get 8 home visits in the 1st year of child's life in Scotland according to Scottish Government website, so seems like the HV is acting in accordance to this.

Concerns would have been raised due to a late cancellation via text and then your partner not allowing them in.

Why did your partner not ask her in and deal with her? There is no law that it has to be the mother, surely? You could have joined them when you got out of the shower, made your apologies and told her you'd like to take your child to softplay but you'd see her longer next time. Your partner could have answered any additional questions she might have had, after you left, surely?

OP, I'm a health visitor (yeah yeah, put your pitch forks down 😎)

The amount of visits is well over and above a regular visiting schedule

In our trust we visit around day 10, again around 7 weeks then invite parents to clinic for development reviews at 9 months and 2 years. Outside if that, parents can visit clinic or contact the team direct. We are extremely short staffed, so extra visits are for those where we feel there is a need. Quite often mums mental health or feeding issues. If it was a safeguarding concern, parents are clearly informed of this. We are not an extension of social services, we don't generally do welfare checks, so if a social worker requested that, we may do it as a one off but certainly not every other week.

No, it's not great to cancel short notice, we are very stretched, however it does sound like this hv has her own agenda here that she is not being clear about. I would be asking to speak to a team leader and for a clear explanation of why you are being treated so differently. I would also point put that the service is optional, and unless they can state a clear safeguarding concern, you can decline any further contact.

only the op said she’s had 10 visits since august and her baby is half that age so it’s still way more than usual.

no one said you did anything wrong op having concerns doesn’t mean you’ve “done anything wrong” she may just think you need more support

Well you obviously do have vulnerabilities which means you get an enhanced service. Basic safeguarding and you cancelling etc is like a massive red flag.
After the recent child deaths they have to be extra vigilant
If no concerns and everything is fine families might see a health visitor 5 times max unless they ask for support.
Be honest OP think about your circumstances

Ffs. Health professionals (as well as other similar roles) don’t have the time or care enough to harass people for the fun of it, it’s only on here that that is a ‘thing’. There’s every chance she has a legitimate concern and theres more to this than we are reading about on here. Please stop and think before taking threads as gospel and encouraging people to disengage with the authorities.

OP you know you could have made the booking for soft play at a time other than the appt you had for the health visitor to come. You choose to cancel her at the last minute. I’ve asked if your partner is always there and you haven’t answered. There is something that is keeping her involved with you, it’s not to give you a hard time. Your actions today are only going to cast more light on you.

It was quite rude of you to have a medical appointment and then cancel it very last minute because you've booked soft play.

Alarm bells probably also rang - you cancelled very last minute so she turned up anyway as she was probably already on her way, partner was trying to prevent her from coming in to see you and the kids....I would be concerned as well if i was her. I also very much doubt she was "begging" to come in.

Respectfully, based off your posts and the information you've given along with how you seem to go about things, I'm not surprised that you're being kept a close eye on by the HV/SS.

Different parts of the UK have different schedules. My little one had seen the health visitor around 6/7 times by the time she was 8 months old. Certainly no safeguarding issues, nor were there any issues about her development or my mental health. NHS Scotland is very good with their health visiting service, or my health board is I should say, I don't know about others.

Of course you can request a different HV if this one makes you feel uncomfortable. Find out if you are under a specialist young parents team as they will often visit more frequently and this might be why you have had more visits.

My baby is 10 months old, I had regular check ins with my health visitor until my baby hit 5/6 months. Mainly due to my mental health and the fact that I was unwell during my pregnancy. I cancelled my appointment last minute one day due to being unwell. My health visitor phoned and explained thag sometimes when appointments are cancelled with short notice then they like to do a welfare check on mum and baby.
It sounds like your health visitor has some concerns. She has said you’re disengaged but she may be meaning she’s asking questions and you’re answering them differently tk what she is expecting. It also sounds like she’s using your age to keep checking in on you.
Personally I’d phone the main office and ask to speak to the manager. Raise your concerns and ask if it is appropriate for this health visitor to be trying to stop by even when she has finished work.
Could she possibly know someone who knows you and they’ve mentioned anything? I ask this since you said she knows your mums name and you’ve never brought it up.

Absolutely this. Why on earth did you prioritise soft play over a health visitor appointment. She's right to be concerned.

I agree with this. Some of the replies are coming across as very judgemental and presumptuous. A voluntary support agency is supposed to be helpful. If it is found to be unhelpful and intrusive then disengagement is the natural consequence. OP, I hope you manage to talk this through with the service for the sake of transparency on both sides

OP you're getting some unfair comments on here I think. It's really only in the last 30-40years 19 has been young to have children. All my mothers generation were married with children by 18 in my family. (I'm 37). I have plenty of friends who had kids straight out of school etc so your age really shouldnt be a factor.
Your HV has clearly overstepped the boundaries here. Do you have a record of all the times she has been? I would write an email to the team lead with all the times she has been there and how long for. Tell them that you find her questioning on your personal life and background intrusive and unproductive in supporting you with the health of your child. That you no longer wish to be seen by their service anymore as its not helpful or beneficial in any way.
You need to stand up for yourself here and not let them think your a push over.

If you do this and show so little insight as to why a 19yr old with 2 kids with a clearly troubled past may not be equipped to be an amazing parent just like that then expect to be referred to social services. It's not ageist, but realistic.

I think you need to tread a bit carefully OP. I can see why you may have raised some red flags. Young parent with 2 children isolated from support who may have been in care themselves, cancelling last minute then refusing access. If they just ignored the red flags there could be hell to pay.

It sounds like this HV is not communicating with you very well and is overstepping but you need to be careful not to give any more ammunition. I would write a polite, calm email to her and her manager saying you’ve realised you are getting a lot more visits than normal, do they have any concerns and if so can you have a meeting to discuss them. Be proactive but level headed about it.

@Boomboom22
But where does the OP say she had a troubled past?? People keep referring to her being in care or having a troubled upbringing but where is that comment exactly?
I think having a healthy 3 year old with no concerns raised, a baby with the same father who she has been with for 4 years doesn't scream issues to me.
Just because she's young doesn't give them the right to intrude and belittle her. She's an adult doing the best for her children it seems. She hasn't even asked to stop seeing them, just her right to ask for another HV instead.

@Misunderstoodagain people are saying she had a troubled past because she had a baby at 16 and was in a different country to her whole family

@Misunderstoodagain - People normally only refer to their mum as their biological mum if they’ve been adopted/in foster care. It’s not a term used regularly to describe a parent you have a good, ongoing relationship with.

Bollocks.

She has come across as a lovely engaged mum who has the care, organisational skills and motivation to not only take her children to soft play but also book in advance. She's in a long term relationship, was signed off SS years ago and clearly has a partner who is considerate to her feelings. She's not obviously depressed (showers, gets the children out and about) and has not got stroppy despite considerable provocation.

Very few mothers would tolerate an intrusive 'talker' in their home on an almost weekly basis without explanation.

The op should be able to either address concerns or get on with raising her children.

Sorry didn't see the 'biological mum' bit so will reread.
But different country is a bit dramatic, technically yes but she could still be a couple of hours from England

HVs/ medical professionals have to make some initial judgements based on age/history etc. Unfortunately in general terms children of teenage parents have worse outcomes. Does that mean all teenage parents are bad? Of course not, but the NHS would be doing teen parents a disservice if they just ignored huge amounts of research that says there is a risk here, provide more support. This HV here sounds like she is not communicating what’s going on very well.

@Notaboutyouthistime yep agree with all you said.

Without any reason to have concerns (which they don't unless they've lied) there's not a thing they can do. SS need evidence. They don't have it as they were happy to sign her off. HV isn't saying she has any concerns either. They won't suddenly be able to manufacture concerns reaching a threshold just because she's withdrawn from the service. Lessons should be learned here.