To request a new health visitor?

[Mooshmallow]

I booked the soft play for my toddler and baby last night as my toddler has the week off nursery i remebered this morning the health visitor was coming so i text to let her know and asked her to come another day it was sent on imessage and i saw she read the text any way i got in the shower and she rang but i couldnt answer 10/15 mins later i heard my door and my partner answered it was her asking to come in my partner said no and reminded her i had let her know not to come today as we are going out she said she knows and began begging too come in saying she needs to see the kids my partner kept kindly saying no as we are busy ( i needed to get the kids showered after mine and we was already rushing for our booking ) i found what she did disrespectful and im confused as to why she did this she is also always judging me and asking very personal questions about my childhood and other things she even knows my biological mums name which i have never mentioned? and when i rang up to request a new health visitor i was told all the things that she is doing is what any health visitor does is this correct what is everyones opinions on this please?

I have rang her twice since and she read my texts on iMessage and chose to not answer me I have tried to speak to her my toddler was also at the door waving at her I don’t know if I mentioned but I forgot she was coming up until this morning

You had an appointment that you cancelled last minute via text, not call, then your partner answered the door and refused entry – that kind of behaviour is what’s raising concerns.

one time she even told me she will visit me after she finishes work?

But can you not see how she can't win here ? You are not really engaging and cancelled at literally the last minute and then your partner wouldn't let her in. If she didn't follow up with this she would also be in the wrong. You need to establish what concerns she has rather than escalating this and complaining about her.

You should of just let her in

how am i not engaging when shes at my house multiple times in a month for over an hour ive asked her to raise any concerns she has and she says there is none im the one that cant win with her

If you are uncomfortable you are of course entitled to request a new HV. As with any personal or medical care.

Not sure why anyone would say otherwise.

There are concerns, and the behaviour displayed by you and your partner today confirms that.

I’ve seen my health visitor 3 times in 2 years.

This is why you need to engage formally with the HV service in your patch, find out why you are being visited so frequently, agree a frequency you are all happy with and then stick to it. You should also look into the possibility of moving from home visits to clinic visits - you may feel more at ease not having someone in your home. I never saw my HV more than monthly with my first DC, less frequently than that with DC2.

By texting her last minute to cancel an appointment.

You should call her if you're cancelling and not schedule play dates when you have appointments booked - like with any other type of appointment. You need to respect her time.

You can request a different one, OP.
You don't have to engage with one you don't like.

You could ring the health visitor main number, not sure where you live but I’m in Yorkshire and have it. You should ask them why this HV (or any ) keep visiting you. You have a right to know . Or you can just decline all together and tell them to stop sending HV now as there are no concerns. It’s all consent based , so if you inform them to no longer come they have to respect that. If they continue to send crazy lady or anyone else then make a complaint

I need to request to change mine as well as the HV I have , I have actually worked with for a long period of time before left that job and find it inappropriate she is my HV. She knows me and she shouldn’t have taken me as a patient or whatever I’m classed as. When she rang me to see me before the baby was born I said no , so she became very intimidating and saying it’s suspicious I have said no and then her tone changed to aggressive and pushy.

Op everything you are doing is a red flag to a health visitor. There was no reason for your partner not to let her in today. You messed up the appt. You refusing to allow her across the door was a mistake. You are only 19 with two young children and what seems like a troubled background. I am really glad someone is looking out for you, you should be too. Why is your partner so controlling?

Tbh I think some of the rude , nasty and negative comments on this thread are people being prejudiced cos the OP is a 19 year old teenage mum. Objectively nothing wrong with that whatsoever, but some mumsnetters like to be incredibly nasty to all teenage and young mum's on the site. I expect @Mooshmallow would have got very, very different answers if she'd typed "I'm 39, have a three year old and six month old and HV is being rude and demanding I see when I cancelled an appointment."

If there were any actual safeguarding concerns for @Mooshmallow children, they"d be under Child Protection or Child in Need plans; which is not the case as she's confirmed no current SS involvement.

Not on to say the OP should put up with nasty and intrusive questioning from the HV just because she's a younger mum.

As for asking for clinic visits instead of home visits, if there are concerns they will definitely want to see you and the children at home.
Ithink you should engage with the service. There is clearly something they're worried about.
HVs can't win. When there's a tragedy people blame them for not spotting things.

I disagree, regardless of age it is very very unusual for a HV to be visiting this often this is not normal.

The OP lives in Scotland, which fund a lot more health visitor visits than in England.

Also just because the HV service suspect IP can't cope, doesn't mean they are right. Sounds like she's doing fine.

If there's something they're concerned about they should tell OP so. If the concern is such that they feel they cannot safely tell OP, why is there no SS involvement already? HV service can't have it both ways if they want to engage OP. I'm normally very pro HV, the ones I had with my DC were good, but this lot are at the very least getting it wrong in terms of transparency and communication. Right now nobody is winning.

This. You cancelled at very short notice and sound a bit chaotic and disorganised. This may be why she has concerns

I’d be kicking off with her mangers and making a formal complaint for harassment.

Why didnt your partner let her in?

Maybe she perceived that as controlling or that he was trying to hide something? Maybe her concerns arent necessarily about you as a mum but about something else? Your partner?

Hi OP - while there may be absolutely nothing wrong and you and your partner are coping fine with baby, I think you've inadvertently and accidentally raised some red flags that HVs are obliged to follow up. The problem is that although you say it's not the case in your circumstances, HVs have seen situations where the red flags have been warning signs of bigger issues so they might be taking precautions. If they ignored the potential red flags and something awful did happen (not referring to your case but just in general), they'd get in trouble for not doing more.

However, if they have told you that there are no concerns when you asked, they should not be insisting on visiting this much. You do not have to see the HV and can call and request that the visits stop. If they have concerns, they should have notified you of these on any of the multiple occasions you asked or if they're monitoring something regarding baby or you, they should tell you what they're monitoring and why. If they don't tell you, how are you supposed to know something's wrong?! If they insist nothing is wrong, they have no reason to be visiting you this much and insisting on seeing you once you'd already cancelled.

It might be the case that as you're slightly younger, they might be offering more support than usual. Regardless though, if they have no concerns you can say that you no longer require HV visits. If you find them useful now and again but don't want to sit for hours talking about things you don't find relevant, tell them you'd be happy for a visit once a month or maybe once every 6 weeks for them to check up on you and baby, without taking up lots of your time.

The first thing to do is call them to engage with their team, explain that you have been told there are no concerns so you don't require the high frequency of visits as they're actually more disruptive than helpful. If they then list some concerns they've had, or suggestions of a plan moving forward, take whatever action makes you feel the most supported and the least harassed.

Are you on family nurse partnership program?

having concerns doesn’t necessarily mean child protection, they may just think the op needs additional support or is struggling, that wouldn’t meet the criteria for child protection but they may think she needs extra appointments/ support like early help is for parenting that are struggling but don’t meet the threshold for ss, but no it’s not standard to see the HV 10 times since august unless they are concerned about something and think the op needs extra support.

I would imagine that as a 19 year old with 2 young children then the health visitor will want to keep a bit of a closer eye on you than average. I had that when I had 2 little ones and one was disabled. At the time I found it quite intrusive at times but she was really helpful at making sure I was accessing all the support I needed. I miss her now, wish there was a health visitor for parents of teenagers!