To try to conceive second when DD is four months old ?

[bluelollipop99]

I'm 30, DP is 29. We have one DD , who is four months old. I will turn 31 in the summer .

Ideally we'd like 3 kids, although of course I know nothing is gaurunteed and we may not be lucky enough to have any more.

I have been lucky with DD.

I didn't really know anything about babies so was expecting the worst but she has slept pretty well since 10 weeks, ( she is bottle fed).

For the last six weeks or so, she's generally been doing 11-7 .30ish in one stretch, (just sheer luck, not down to anything we've done).

I'm aware that as I'm getting older, TTC has less chance of success and could take longer, and that as we ideally want 3, we can't have really long gaps.

I understand a 2 year age gap is normally traditional/ expected , but part of me thinks in some ways , a 1 year old and a baby could be less hard work than a 2 year old and a baby , ( terrible 2's and a newborn sounds very difficult).

That if we decide to stop at 2, then we will have got all the baby stage done in one go, rather than stopping and starting. That just getting it all done in one go may be easier career wise .

On the other hand the reasons for leaving it longer include:

1)I did find the initial six weeks or so very tiring , imagine how difficult that would be with a 1 year old on top ?

2 ) No guarantee the next baby might be a lot more difficult, colic, non sleeper, allergies , SCBU stay - how difficult would that be with a 1 year old on top ?!

3. Neither DP or I have family living locally so although our families are nice, wouldn't have family being able to offer practical support on tap .

4. If something went wrong with the birth and I needed an EMCS ( think about 1/4 births ends in an EMCS) , be hard to recover with a 1 year old .

The pregnancy with DD was physically very easy , ( no nausea etc ) but emotionally very traumatic, ( my mum died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was five months pregnant); and I was sent a lot of extremely abusive messages over her funeral by an ex school "friend" of mine, ( now blocked); so part of me thinks it would be nice to enjoy a pregnancy in less emotionally traumatic times.

So I'm very conflicted. My partner says he would normally have thought two years was the standard age gap but happy to TTC now or to wait a year or two so easy going on it.

You haven’t taken into account giving your body time to recover from the birth. Ideally you should let your body have at least 18 months to recover and to prevent any pre term labour (a friend lost her baby due to this) so it’s something I’ve always really seen as important.

personally, I would say wait until the baby is 18 months old for health reasons only which are priority.

Ynbu your downright fucking crazy, go to the dr & get yourself sectioned you crazy woman; 🤦‍♀️ god imagine if you had quads woman you’d have 5 babies under 5. 🙈Wow do you really want another baby so soon we’ll if you do get that man working 😂😂😂

I fell pregnant accidentally when 1st DC was 6months old.
I felt like I'd been unfaithful to her!
Anyway pregnancy and childbirth all fine. DC were very close, absolutely no jealousy from DD She completely accepted her brother.
They liked the same things at the same times so easy to go out as they both wanted to do the same things.
They were very close growing up but sadly have drifted apart a bit now they are in early twenties.
The only thing I felt bad about was when DD needed me and had to wait , for example at gym club ,DS wanted feeding, DD needed help walking along a beam etc so had to sit and wait at side whilst I fed DD, conversely DS throw mother of all tantrums at music group, we had to leave although DD was really enjoying it. So sometimes did feel torn as they both were at the age where they really needed 1:1 time.
But generally it worked well but if I'm honest I wouldn't try and conceive when your baby is only 4 months! At 30 theres no rush could understand it more if you were early 40s

There is 16 months between my oldest 2 and it was honestly the easiest transition for me. I think nap times, bed times, meal times were easier with the smaller gap. I found it much harder to have a little one in nursery and be looking after a new baby If you feel ready then do what feels right for you.

I have a 1 year age gap between my youngest, and whilst it was extremely hard to start with it gets a lot easier. Getting all the sleepless nights over in one is whats driving me through 🤣 they are now 3 & 2 and they are so cute together (most of the time)

Really its what works for you as family. It sounds like you have been VERY lucky with your first please be mindfull of that! Mine is 15 months old still will not sleep longer that 3h at the time… i am exhausted and broke as nursery is £75/day (with discount from work) …

I was seriously considering TTC baby 2 when my first born was 5 months old, and thank goodness my friend talked me out of it! She accidentally has two children almost exactly 1 year apart and the early years were so hard for her - it broke her marriage and the children although close in age actually don't get on particularly well now they are older as they are two totally different characters. Career-wise it's a big problem too as essentially you would be going back to work pregnant after maternity leave and having to immediately tell your work that you are going to be taking another mat leave really soon! Plus childcare costs are humongous and having two in childcare before you qualify for the free hours the term after the eldest one turns 3 will be crippling financially. Ours are actually 2 years 2 months apart and because the eldest is summer born and youngest autumn-born we only had one term of both being full time in childcare before the eldest got his 15 hrs free and could go to preschool and that term was SO hard financially! Our children are so close despite being 2 years apart, they share all the same interests and spend hours and hours playing together which is lovely (of course they bicker too but not very often). By luck rather than design we also have 3 school years between the two of them instead of 2 school years, as the eldest is the youngest in his school year and the youngest is the oldest in his, which is much better in terms of GCSEs & A levels when they get to that age (eldest is only in year 7). So, personally I would wait a bit, let your body heal and enjoy your firstborn :-)

I would also say, if you do go for it, the little one waits. I think this might have been easy for me (15month gap), but I decided if there was a clash of who needed feeding/nappy changed, the one who was more likely to remember it and feel resentment about it got sorted first. That did mean ds (the younger one) might cry for longer than I would have liked. I was lucky though, because DS was a very content baby for the most part.

I felt exactly the same as you and fell pregnant again when first child was 5months old. 14 months between them and coping well! Personally I'm glad I wasn't running around after a 2 year old in the later stages of pregnancy and was still enjoying long daytime naps!

I think it is entirely a personal choice which has some pros and cons. I was 32 when I had my first one and partly also due to work circumstances we decided to have the second one as soon as possible. The gap is 14 months and in many ways I found it much easier than the 2.5 years between the second and third. Good luck!

I think you should absolutely go for it if you feel ready. I had good sleepers too and would have had our second quite quickly after (we waited a year) had I not had a difficult C-section. It’s lovely having little ones close in age. There is less than 18 months between me and one of my siblings and we are so close 💕 Go for it and enjoy every moment xx

Oh and although I never mentioned it at the time, both of my babies were equally as easy as each other - slept through 7pm-8am from 9/10 weeks old and we're chilled contented little babies. We still would have found it hard having them any closer together than 2 ish years. My eldest never did terrible 2s and was super helpful with the new baby. He was a whingy threenager though 🤣

You’re still young give your body a rest! I worried at 36 about ttc and I fell pregnant my second try with twins! You’ve got plenty of time. And trust me if you do fall pregnant with twins, you’ll have your hands very full with 3 under 2!

I think you should be asking your doctor. They'll probably tell you to wait as you need to give your body a chance to heal. Also you would be spending all your time with your newborn with no time to concentrate on your first in their formative years.

My 2DDs are 14 months apart exactly. There's big age gaps between my and my siblings (although not through choice), and I just always wanted mine close together. It's lovely watching them play together and I think in the long run it's easier as they have similar interests/developmental stage. FWIW my first pregnancy and delivery were hell; second the complete opposite.

Give your body a chance! I appreciate that you do not have the extra demands that breastfeeding places on your body, but don't underestimate what you have been through to grow a human, what needs to happen for your pelvic floor to be ok, the toll that round the clock caring takes, the fact that your lovely DC can turn into a sleepless demon at any point.

It is so great that you feel able to, but I really would say go easy on yourself, you are young, you have loads of time and you don't want to put yourself in a position where you realise it is too much, too late. Plus, your babies need you not spread too thinly.

Enjoy DD, listen to medical advice so you don't damage yourself! There is a reason women popping out babies pre birth control had low life expectancy, no teeth and incontinence!

I think you'd be absolutely bonkers to do this and I say that as someone who did it.

I was pregnant at my six week checkup.

Had my first child July 06, second child June 07 and my third child September 08.

They're 14, 15 and 16 now and honestly if I could do it again I wouldn't hav any. Only messing 😁 I would have spread them out a bit.

My first was just 2 years and 6 weeks when I had my third.

I honestly can't remember about ten years of my life.....or perhaps I'm trying to forget!

In all honesty I’d wait. I’ve just had my second and I have absolutely no time at all.

Im constantly juggling the needs of both of them and I always feel like one/both is loosing out.

Take a bit of time to enjoy your baby and have that special bonding time. When baby no 2 comes life is chaos 😂

You have time on you side, I would enjoy your baby, you might have morning sickness this time and that will be tough with a little one. I’m so sorry for your loss, have you considered talking the sudden loss of your mum through with someone? It might help relieve your fears about losing DD and give you support at what must be a very difficult time.

I fell pregnant accidentally when first baby was five months old. It took us two years and multiple rounds of fertility treatment for baby one so we were a bit lax.

The last few weeks of pregnancy were hard as a I had SPD and was in a lot of pain. Labour was much easier.

I felt really guilty for elder DS, like we had stolen his babyhood from him. The first few months were hard but we settled into a routine.

Within a few years we agreed it was the best thing that could have happened to us. Our kids are best friends at 7 and 8.

12 months between dc1 & dc2. Dc1 was a Velcro baby, awful reflux, CMPA and didn’t sleep through until just shy of 3 years. They’re 8 & 7 now and it’s brilliant and was from day 1. Dc2 was not the same and I found going from 1 to 2 and the age gap lovely. So much so I went on to have 4 under 4.

Sorry to hear about your mum OP 💐

Pop them babies out! Much better to have them close together, they entertain each other and if you’re lucky, like me, the younger one catches up to the older (both potty trained at the same time.

and I wouldn’t worry about a c section recovery, much better than the 53 hours of vag destroying, excruciating, terrifying, out of control hours of my vaginal birth!

I was pregnant 8 weeks after my C, 9 and a half months between my two

I had 3 under 4 and I look back now and wonder what I was thinking!

pro's though!: 1)You are in the nappy /sleepless night phase in one go 2) they are interested in the same things- toys , tv shows , stories , park trips 3) they become playmates very quickly
4) eldest is 10 now and holidays are brilliant- all travel well and we don't have a pram, nappies etc which we'd have if we had bigger gaps

cons: 1) my body took a hit and I had very sore hips with pregnancy 2&3
2) its really busy and my memory of no 2 as a baby is a bit of a blur- I wish I had a bit more time to enjoy him more without a 18 month old keeping me on toes

Im grateful we did it quickly now and I love seeing how close my children are but it was definitely heavy lifting until the youngest was 3.

There’s 13 months between my two boys. My youngest has just turned 1 and it’s been a wonderful year having both of them at home with me!

I highly recommend having two close together. We’ve done the sleepless nights all in one go, we’ll soon be free from nappies, and they both now run around together and love each other so much. I’ll also be back into work with no more interruptions in my career.

Dont worry about your body either, we’re made to withstand having lots of babies! My second pregnancy was absolutely fine despite falling pregnant 4 months after my first. The second birth was completely textbook; it was quick, no complications and I was home after a few hours!

I’ve also managed to EBF, so if that’s what you’d like to do it’s perfectly possible. Equally bottle feeding would be totally fine too!

Go for it, you’ll be fine!