To feel sad about not being able to join this class at the gym?

[Sadlifter]

I'm mid fifties, and in January I joined a 6 week women's weight lifting class. I really enjoyed it, improved hugely and can now do back squats, deadlines and bench presses. Last night was the last one, and the instructor had been talking about an intermediate class. He came to me at the end and said I wasn't quite ready to join the new intermediate class. There was another beginners class about to run but new joiners would be given priority. I said oh, OK, is there any way of me continuing in a class setting, and he just looked awkward and said no not at the moment.

I feel ridiculously sad about it! I'd finally found some exercise that I really enjoyed. I was lifting similar weights to the other women and he'd always said my form was excellent. I'm prepared to accept perhaps I wasn't as 'good' as the others although I didn't feel like that at the time.

AIBU to feel like a sad middle aged woman this morning?

Dh says I should just go to the gym on my own and do it myself, but I enjoyed the company of the other women and the instructor being on hand.

*deadlifts!

Aww that's crap! Did he say what the problem was/what you need to work on?

Weightlifting is brilliant and so good for middle aged women. I didn't realise how sporty I was until I started lifting!

Are there any other gyms in the area?

That’s rubbish. Look around and see if you can find a class some where else.

That’s rubbish! Maybe take a look around elsewhere. I used to go to CrossFit which was friendly, good mix of ages and all abilities were welcome.

No he didn't say what the problem was. Im the oldest though! He also put us in small groups and I was the only one who's name he couldn't remember! Clearly made no impression on him whatsoever. Honestly it's hard enough being an older woman in the gym without being made to feel a bit crap.

Yes I will do. This gym is really nice and local though. Maybe I'll secretly train and get amazing at it.

I would complain the gym. Why should new members get priority to the class level you are at over you?

Mmmm. I've done weightlifting and this really surprises me. Did he say why - I assume something to do with your form? I'm struggling to see what an intermediate class could be doing that you couldn't if you have decent form for those lifts? If you are smaller, or older, yes you may lift lighter weights but that doesn't matter - it is the progression you are making and the speed you learn at that matters. I do an intermediate calisthenics class (so bodyweight strength training) which is mixed - so of course often the men can get more or harder reps out than the women - but we all know the basic form and can learn at the same pace, which is what matters, if that makes sense?

Anyway, please don't give up! Weightlifting is brilliant for women. Can you speak to the instructor again and ask for more specifics? Do you trust him - if so would a couple of private lessons help you join the intermediate class? Is there another class you could join, even if not women-only, if you'd feel OK with that (all my strength training has been mixed and I've had nothing but encouragement and support).

You might get some other ideas if you repost in the exercise or weights room section with weightlifting class in the title?

I'd have been really annoyed at that and asked him what the issue is. It sounds a bit ageist. I've never seen that happen at a gym and the oldest guy in my pump class was well into his 70's and in amazing shape. I'd find another gym. He sounds like a dick.

Kind of surprising at the moment that there isn't space on another beginner course, given a lot of people giving up or not starting gym memberships due to cost of living.

Weight lifting can of course be risky if not done properly and if the instructor feels you are not ready then he is right to exclude you.

But if the beginner course has not equipped you to go on to the more advanced course then that's a failure in his instruction, not likely in your part. It's weightlifting, not rocket science.

I suspect you may be being excluded for some other reason.

Actually thinking about it, three of the other women who are going through to the next class work in the gym or the cafe at the gym. I'm annoyed now. He'd been banging on about this intermediate class for weeks.

Find your nearest crossfit gym, you'll get to do plenty of weights there in a mixed age/ability class. There is a lady in her 60s in my crossfit class who was smashing out pullups and handstand pressups the other day she's an inspiration!

Seen your update - that's really poor.

I suspect you may be being excluded for some other reason

What though?? I'm perfectly pleasant, always arrive on time, always say thanks, have been so obviously pleased with my progress.

Is there someone else at the gym you can speak to, a manager or something? This sounds really unfair, and like others said above I can’t understand what the reason would be. Is he just wanting a smaller class with his friends? Don’t take it lying down if this is something you really enjoy.

It sounds ageist to me. I can think of no reason you couldn’t carry on if your form was OK. He’s probably worried you might injure yourself and blame him which you won’t if you use correct form and don’t lift weights that are too heavy too soon.

How about finding a Body Pump class? Uses weights, group setting, loads of places offer the class (It’s a Les Mills branded class). Some places do ‘imitation’ classes which will be called something similar or can be found by looking for strength based classes.

I think it is ageist. I really do.

It doesn’t make sense that new people would be given priority but those who physically can’t advance are turfed out, as it’s losing them custom not just on a beginner course but progressing thorough the stages. Definitely speak to a customer service / manager and ask them to clarify the process.

Sounds to me like something else going on here. Sadly to say if you’re the oldest one in the class he could be a massive douche and just want it filled with younger women to lear at.

Oh no, that's really sad!

My DH has moved to a PT with their own facilities, it's expensive but brilliant, so he does two sessions a month to keep on track and sessions at home with kettlebells in between.

I was literally the only person who never had a single twinge either! Everyone else had knee pain/back pain/wrist pain.

I'm getting crosser and crosser 😅

Sorry, sent to early. I'm thinking of doing the same as he gets a lot more out of it than the gym classes.

I'd be asking specifically why you are the only one out of the class he doesn't want in the intermediate class. Is your money different to the younger women's? The gym is a business after all, or is it just about his entertainment.

I really hate it when companies (any companies - gyms, phone companies, Sky) prioritise new members over existing. Why?? You've been paying money all along, a loyal customer - how about giving priority for that?! Should be illegal

have a look for bodypump classes. i used to go to one that was ongoing and for all levels

Yeah it's really annoying. I mean, tbh I don't really want to repeat the beginners course. I'm now not a beginner ffs! Posting this has just made me crosser😅