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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about not being able to join this class at the gym?

146 replies

Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 09:31

I'm mid fifties, and in January I joined a 6 week women's weight lifting class. I really enjoyed it, improved hugely and can now do back squats, deadlines and bench presses. Last night was the last one, and the instructor had been talking about an intermediate class. He came to me at the end and said I wasn't quite ready to join the new intermediate class. There was another beginners class about to run but new joiners would be given priority. I said oh, OK, is there any way of me continuing in a class setting, and he just looked awkward and said no not at the moment.

I feel ridiculously sad about it! I'd finally found some exercise that I really enjoyed. I was lifting similar weights to the other women and he'd always said my form was excellent. I'm prepared to accept perhaps I wasn't as 'good' as the others although I didn't feel like that at the time.

AIBU to feel like a sad middle aged woman this morning?

Dh says I should just go to the gym on my own and do it myself, but I enjoyed the company of the other women and the instructor being on hand.

OP posts:
SignOnTheWindow · 15/02/2023 14:22

@Sadlifter, not sure where you are, but I (mid 40s) go to ShredQuarters, which does communal weightlifting and 'crossfit' style classes. It's truly mixed ability, mixed sex and mixed age, and I've never felt anything less than encouraged there. All sorts of body types ho. Definitely worth having a look to see if there's one in your area.

SignOnTheWindow · 15/02/2023 14:23

'ho'?? sorry, not sure where that came from or what word it was supposed to be!

Newnamenewme23 · 15/02/2023 15:03

SignOnTheWindow · 15/02/2023 14:22

@Sadlifter, not sure where you are, but I (mid 40s) go to ShredQuarters, which does communal weightlifting and 'crossfit' style classes. It's truly mixed ability, mixed sex and mixed age, and I've never felt anything less than encouraged there. All sorts of body types ho. Definitely worth having a look to see if there's one in your area.

thanks for this, I’ll have a look :)

as I said I do love CrossFit, but am never going to be anything more than the worst in the class. The boxes near me are full of very dedicated go every day types who’ve been going for years and I can only go two or three times a week.

I need the same sort of classes, but with more mixed ability.

with more handstands :). Irony is as an ex gymnast I am way way better than most in the class even at my age and unfit. But they’re usually only done in the classes the superfit regulars attend.

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 15:07

Handstands? Super fit regulars? Crossfit is definitely not for me!

OP posts:
OntarioBagnet · 15/02/2023 15:13

I used to do bodypump which sounds similar and there would be people of all abilities in the same class. Like you say what does it matter if you’re lifting 15kg and they’re lifting 20kg? Doesn’t at all. It’s not as if it’s a running class and you’ll get left behind. If you enjoy it please sign up for the intermediate class and fuck him. I’d also complain to the gym and I’d be looking for a new gym, one with BodyPump classes.

PumpkinDart · 15/02/2023 15:18

Others have mentioned Body Pump, I would agree great class. I don't like cardio and found that with a good instructor this class is great. My instructor focusses on form and you go at your own pace with whatever weight you can work with, some have light weights others have pretty full bars. Exercises can be modified for different abilities too.

It's a bit crap that this instructor has basically said you can't progress but can't redo the beginner one especially with you enjoying it.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 15:22

Get back into the gym - even an email if you don't want to talk directly and explain you were doing the beginners course, your not ready for intermediate group but you would really like to continue in a group weights session as you don't have the confidence yet, is there anything they can suggest.
Pop ball back into their court

Grapewrath · 15/02/2023 15:36

It lmight be that you’re doing well and he’s told you that because you genuinely are, but you are not quite up there with the others yet. I can’t see any reason for deliberately excluding you tbh and you’re only 6 weeks in

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 15:40

OK, so I've popped into the gym. Now none of the new classes are definite and my instructor is leaving! I'm just going to go on my own until they sort or don't sort classes. I casually mentioned the Intermediate class and they said yes as you've completed the 6 week introductory! So now none the wiser!!

OP posts:
Sartre · 15/02/2023 15:44

Sounds ageist to me too. If he’s a younger guy, he might just fancy the other women closer to his age and it could be as simple as that.

I’d look at other classes in the area or just train alone as your DH suggested. Don’t give up on it though, lifting is great!

TheOrigRights · 15/02/2023 15:45

Sartre · 15/02/2023 15:44

Sounds ageist to me too. If he’s a younger guy, he might just fancy the other women closer to his age and it could be as simple as that.

I’d look at other classes in the area or just train alone as your DH suggested. Don’t give up on it though, lifting is great!

You don't have a very high opinion of young male fitness instructors, do you?
What has the OP said to indicate the coach is being ageist?

Cosyblankets · 15/02/2023 15:45

HundredMilesAnHour · 15/02/2023 10:49

So many people, including the OP, are jumping to conclusions about the instructor's motives. Yet the OP doesn't appear to have asked why he didn't think she's ready for the intermediate class nor did she ask what steps she needs to take to be ready for it. Surely doing that first would be the sensible approach?

It could be that the OP isn't ready (after one 6 week beginner's course, she's hardly equipped with the experience to know) but the instructor just doesn't have bottle to tell her. Some people are poor at delivering unpleasant messages and it's a lot easier to say "you're doing really well" and avoid the ugly truth. Or the guy could indeed be an arsehole who's ageist, got a secret masterplan, wants to lust over younger women etc etc like all the accusations on here. At least try and have a mature conversation first though before jumping to all these conclusions.

I'm 52 and have been weight lifting for 20+ years (and training in gyms for much longer than that - I use to compete internationally at a sport). The coaches I train with (several of whom are very highly respected and well known 'names' in the industry) have coaches themselves. It's a continuous learning process. So the OP saying she's not a beginner after a 6 week course is foolish and actually quite dangerous. It's great that she's excited and is enjoying it but a bit of common sense is also called for.

I agree with this.
Part of the problem is the name of the group. I would say after 6 weeks you really are still a beginner. I deadlift with a PT . I'm fully aware of the injury it can cause if the form isn't right so I choose not to when I go on my own to the gym.
The set up of 6 week sessions and then nowhere to go is a bit rubbish.
But you do need to speak to the trainer and ask him what you need to do to progress.

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 15:46

I did have a look at the bodypump class but to be honest, I like the quietness and slowness of lifting. I don't think I'd enjoy loud music and fast repetition.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 15:50

I do agree intermediate sounds more advanced than I actually am, but that's what they call it, and the instructor was telling us all about it during the last two sessions, how we'd start to have PBs. It was supposed to be similar to what we were doing in the beginners class but slightly faster paced. I was really looking forward to it!

Might look into a PT once a week although I can't really afford it.

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 15/02/2023 15:51

Are you interested in seriously working out with dumbbells? If so, try Caroline Girvan. You'll never look back!

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 15:52

FlowerArranger · 15/02/2023 15:51

Are you interested in seriously working out with dumbbells? If so, try Caroline Girvan. You'll never look back!

I will look, but I really like the bar

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 15/02/2023 15:55

burnoutbabe · 15/02/2023 09:41

I would complain the gym. Why should new members get priority to the class level you are at over you?

Same here. I’m not a complainer but I would have a quiet word to make sure he was allowed to actually exlude you like that. Seems wrong to me.

Twawmyarse2 · 15/02/2023 15:55

Complain. Who is he to exclude you from a gym class you are paying for.

I wonder if it's because he enjoys watching a certain type of woman workout? Maybe he doesn't get off on watching 50 year old arses doing squats? He sounds like a gigantic arse.

rookiemere · 15/02/2023 15:59

I was going to say Body Pump sounds quite different from what you were doing OP.

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 16:00

Thanks for all the suggestions but I really just want to carry on lifting. I'm having a look around at other gyms.

OP posts:
Hopeislost · 15/02/2023 16:09

Sorry to hear about your experience - lifting weights is great! Come and join the Lifting support thread! http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/theweightss_room/4576714-lifting-support-thread

Merangutan · 15/02/2023 16:13

I lift weights three times a week and have done for six years so I totally understand how much confidence and enjoyment it can give you once you know how to do it, not to mention the health benefits.

His labelling of classes makes no sense to me. Intermediate level, to me, would be purely about the weight you can lift. That’s an individual thing and you could have 6 people in intermediate class using varying weights!

If he’s saying you are ‘beginner’ level in terms of technique, I’d argue that you aren’t because you’re already familiar with grip / stance etc and he’s seemed fine with it and you have had the same number of familiarisation sessions as the others who are progressing.

Tbh, if you are removed from the course (saw you’ve booked online), I’d redo the beginner course and just up the weight. Even after six years, my PT still tweaks my grip etc etc here and there. The only difference I can imagine is that the beginner group might have more demo / talking but as long as you’re lifting the right weight and doing the right reps and sets for your actual level the physical results will be the same.

Endlesssummer2022 · 15/02/2023 16:15

I’d speak to the manager.

MsMartini · 15/02/2023 16:42

But three people who work for the gym are taking up places in the intermediate class.....nothing the OP has said has suggested that her form is a problem and why should she have to go back and repeat the "how to squat safely stuff" - if she can even get in to the class? . I've done weightlifting classes (which are very different from Body Pump and CG) and you learn the basic form for those three classic lifts quickly - there aren't endless variants and if the OP won't be safe doing them in a class called "intermediate" then she wasn't safe in a "beginner" class, where she was mostly ignored. The weight you lift is irrelevant - everyone can't use the same plates anyway. If you know the basic lifts, with decent, safe form, and can spot others safely (if relevant), and know how to manage yourself in the gym, then you are ready to move on surely?

Pancakeorcrepe · 15/02/2023 17:57

Wow he sounds like a rubbish instructor! Please don’t let it put you off as it is such a good thing you’re doing 🏋🏻‍♀️