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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about not being able to join this class at the gym?

146 replies

Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 09:31

I'm mid fifties, and in January I joined a 6 week women's weight lifting class. I really enjoyed it, improved hugely and can now do back squats, deadlines and bench presses. Last night was the last one, and the instructor had been talking about an intermediate class. He came to me at the end and said I wasn't quite ready to join the new intermediate class. There was another beginners class about to run but new joiners would be given priority. I said oh, OK, is there any way of me continuing in a class setting, and he just looked awkward and said no not at the moment.

I feel ridiculously sad about it! I'd finally found some exercise that I really enjoyed. I was lifting similar weights to the other women and he'd always said my form was excellent. I'm prepared to accept perhaps I wasn't as 'good' as the others although I didn't feel like that at the time.

AIBU to feel like a sad middle aged woman this morning?

Dh says I should just go to the gym on my own and do it myself, but I enjoyed the company of the other women and the instructor being on hand.

OP posts:
PacificallyRequested · 15/02/2023 09:55

This is awful. What's the process for signing up to the intermediate class? If you're enjoying it, have OK form and are generally keeping up with the others, I'd be so tempted to sign up anyway, say a cheery hello to Mr Twat at the first session and just crack on as if your conversation had never happened. I am very petty and stubborn though!

cstaff · 15/02/2023 09:56

That would really piss me off - these instructors are supposed to encourage you, not put you off.

I would definitely check with someone else and get a reason as to why you have been excluded from the next class.

Mamette · 15/02/2023 09:57

If you have been doing the same as the others then why can’t you go to the intermediate class?

What a load of crap, I’d be furious OP. I’d also be crushed.

Does he just expect you to go quietly? 😡

Nevermind31 · 15/02/2023 09:58

I’d speak to the manager of the gym and ask why there wasn’t a way to continue - whether it was to do with your age as you were not given any pointers on how you could improve - usually these are for all abilities - and I wonder if the trainer is being ageist.

MajesticWhine · 15/02/2023 10:02

Ii think this is out of order. If you are not ready for the intermediate class then you should be prioritised for continuing in the beginners class.
I think I would speak to a manager at the gym. Also keep going with the weight training if you enjoy it.

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 10:03

PacificallyRequested · 15/02/2023 09:55

This is awful. What's the process for signing up to the intermediate class? If you're enjoying it, have OK form and are generally keeping up with the others, I'd be so tempted to sign up anyway, say a cheery hello to Mr Twat at the first session and just crack on as if your conversation had never happened. I am very petty and stubborn though!

I actually might do this

OP posts:
Lemonyfuckit · 15/02/2023 10:09

This is really really poor of the gym - ageist or whatever else is going on. I would definitely speak to the manager and ask for clarity on what is actually going on here, and what they suggest for you to continue progressing in a class setting. They can't exclude you from one class without allowing you to continue in another, as that would be effectively shutting you out, and yes, as everyone knows and has said here weightlifting exercises are so so beneficial and important for women to continue doing most especially as we age. Do not just go quietly OP!

Lemonyfuckit · 15/02/2023 10:10

PacificallyRequested · 15/02/2023 09:55

This is awful. What's the process for signing up to the intermediate class? If you're enjoying it, have OK form and are generally keeping up with the others, I'd be so tempted to sign up anyway, say a cheery hello to Mr Twat at the first session and just crack on as if your conversation had never happened. I am very petty and stubborn though!

This is an excellent suggestion.

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 10:12

I can sign up online. It opens on Monday and I'm going to do it!

OP posts:
HedwigIsMyDemon · 15/02/2023 10:14

Good for you! Come back and tell us how you got on 😄

ItsCalledAConversation · 15/02/2023 10:14

The trainer sounds ridiculous and obviously doesn’t understand motivation.

Escalate to the manager/owner of the gym.

MisgenderedSwan · 15/02/2023 10:14

I would just sign up for the next class and pretend I'd never spoken to him. If he mentions a problem ask him to specifically tell you what it is so you can work on it alongside attending the class. Put him on the spot and don't accept any woolly 'not quite ready' - specifics only.

He sounds like he has his favourites.

MissMaple82 · 15/02/2023 10:14

Hmm... im suspicious of his motives

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 10:15

I can't believe they'd then bother to call me and say no, so looks like I'm progressing to the Intermediate class after all!!

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 15/02/2023 10:15

Lemonyfuckit · 15/02/2023 10:10

This is an excellent suggestion.

Show quote history

Agreed. If you are keeping up with others who are going on to the intermediate class, I’d just sign up and go to it.

cstaff · 15/02/2023 10:16

Definitely go for it OP. I would love to know his reasoning behind this especially if there is no obvious difference between you and the other attendees.

HermioneWeasley · 15/02/2023 10:16

Good for you. I’d also complain to the manager

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 10:17

MisgenderedSwan · 15/02/2023 10:14

I would just sign up for the next class and pretend I'd never spoken to him. If he mentions a problem ask him to specifically tell you what it is so you can work on it alongside attending the class. Put him on the spot and don't accept any woolly 'not quite ready' - specifics only.

He sounds like he has his favourites.

Yes this is what it feels like. He was always really encouraging though, I do feel a bit crushed if I'm honest. Also my dd was so impressed with me for doing it I'd feel really bad telling her I'd basically been kicked off

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 10:17

I'd just bought new kit and everything!

OP posts:
Versailles2023 · 15/02/2023 10:19

Download Les mills on demand and do their body pump in the gym listening or watching all their instructors are lovely and make you feel like your not on your own.

MelaniesFlowers · 15/02/2023 10:20

He didn’t say the other class was full, just that new starters would take priority. So you might still be able to go on it. Why not apply and see?

cstaff · 15/02/2023 10:21

TBH if you are more interested in doing the class and enjoying it rather than causing conflict in the gym just sign up and hopefully you will be able to enjoy it as you did last time.

If he has a problem then that is him causing the problem and not you. Then talk to management or whoever about his ageism or whatever issue he says he has with you in his class. But have no doubt - he is the issue and not you.

Original poster
Sadlifter · 15/02/2023 10:21

What is body pump? I liked lifting as it wasn't particularly cardio heavy

OP posts:
BYOFARTSdotCOdotUK · 15/02/2023 10:26

He's got a new group already lined up that all know each other IMO. I'd complain now and say you intend to sign up on Monday and being an existing member you'd want continued support
He can upload the new group members the minute it opens if it's anything like my gym

Forestwalks · 15/02/2023 10:26

If you was keeping up with the others like you say then I would be tempted just to sign up anyway like someone else has already said. Then when you turn up for the 1st lesson you can just say I thought I would give it a try and see myself if I am at this stage. He can hardly say no in front of others, some of the others might also wonder why you haven’t moved up as well and pull him up over it.

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