I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

Please google TEAM TOMM, the organised mum method. It will help you.

Youre hyper anxious and you need to lower your standards. See your doctor about your anxiety.

It's shit and it never ends. I feel your pain and am still going with a 10 & 12 year old. This morning I spent about 5 hours cleaning/ tidying to get on top of 2 bedrooms and a bathroom that I never use. It's fucking tragic. I don't know the answer but I think it's probably decluttering related. I am ruthless about chucking stuff but I'm only one quarter of the family - the other three quarters are hoarders. My neurodiverse daughter particularly. All the craft beads and hair bobbles and lego bits and nail varnish and stationary and barbie stuff and baking shit is ENDLESS. Don't beat yourself up. You are not alone. It's common - way more common than insta homes.

Don’t worry about it, you have babies just chill xx

Do you all have yard sales? Have a yard sale, give it to charity. Give it all away. I don't fold anything but underwear. And that goes in a box with a lid. Have the kids go through stuff with you and tell them they can have some yard sale money or teach them how nice it is to give stuff away to people who will actually use it. Some people get bins and if their kids don't pick up their things, the parent puts the item in the bin. If the item is still in the bin at the end of the week, then it goes in the trash/charity. I would bet my life that you have clothes that don't fit anyone, toys that no one plays with and stuff no one uses because I do too. And we have just started tossing it. When the kids complain, I tell them I only get rid of the things that no one was taking care of.
Also get them involved in household chores and if they don't do them, then they are grounded. Take away whatever it is they like and make it appropriate for each kid. A chore chart with clear expectations and instructions would be helpful too, possibly.

give toddler a duster and a wee trolley with a dustpan n brush?...pick a weekly tidy up tune.anythin left when its ended\by choice..lay around goes in the your not get it tomo box.(1day ban)stick to your guns.
Pretend its your fave thing to do...and you hate getting help? //they auto set to defy maybe.
pintrest chores charts.My ds 4 said "Stars n stickers is my life ma,please can i have one mo-ahhhhhhh"(before outgrew doing anything was askt again,comes in waves)Praise the positive.Hugely!
manipulate things like Yay-You get EXTRA bubbles in the bath cos youre a super luxury child...
Rememberthrough gritted teeth in swear bubbles above your headThey dont stay wee forever.ENJOY your children,being children..
pairing sox-whos clothes drawer is this for...group tasks.
set timers....//use music//whatever works....
draw sticks see who does what.........
cover yourself in stars n stickers...being the adult in charge isnt always as fun as you think.put more bubbles in your bath.......
have "Easy days" beds made\easy teas/paper plates\house picnic

Wow. 8 hours a day cleaning? Get a hobby or a job, anything that gets you out of the house and some perspective. This isn’t healthy, being so unhappy all the time. I probably do 20 mins a day putting stuff away, and 2/3 hours a week on kitchen/ bathroom, dust and hoover. I’m not sure what would take that long 🤷‍♀️

A house is to live in you need to relax. I clean the kitchen sides down and hoover every day. But apart from that the rest gets done once a week. And by the rest I mean the minimum! Hoover and mop the whole house, clean bathroom and dust everywhere. It’s takes me 2 hours. I’m not wasting my life cleaning.

YANBU at all. I could have written this post when my DC were younger. But I didn’t address it and I do feel that I wasted so much precious time clearing up stuff that only gets trashed again. Honestly, do the MINIMUM and get out to story groups and museums and craft and bake and enjoy because you will never never get in top of all the mess until they leave home and then you’ll just have a tidy home and less joyous memories than you should have. Focus on the stuff that’s important. I didn’t with DC 1&2 and I regretted it, I had the next 2 after a big gap and have been much better at focussing on good times.

Store the toys and only get some out gradually. Maybe rotate weekly. x

You seem to mention YOU don't have time to clean everything your children are bringing out. Why are YOU doing it? How old are your children?

My 2 and 4 year olds generally don't bring out toys without putting others away first. And even if they do bring a few things out in one go they know they have to put them away afterwards.

If they have friends over or go up to their room to play on their own (which is when things can get messy) they know can't do anything else until their room is tidy (no TV, etc...).

They tidy their own rooms. There are some exceptions but on the whole their room is their responsibility. They keep it tidy. They also tidy up the living room if they play with any toys in there. I will help sometimes, other times I won't. It really depends. But they know they have to do it.

We've been doing "tidy up time" from day one. My youngest actually loves tidying up (most of the time!) and it just comes as second nature now.

I felt I never spent enough time with mine as I worked full time. Seems it's just life. They are with you, in your presence. That is a blessing.

Kids don’t need loads of stuff. Buy large storage boxes/baskets. Rotate toys - keeping clean is not the same as keeping tidy.
can you get a cleaner? Or just do basic cleaning/tidy as you go and big tidy up every eve ? Does DP help you?
you must get out with little one- walk, park any open space will do you both good xxx

Declutter (I know easier said than done)
make yourself a cleaning schedule for the week. Mon-fri only. Weekends just do basic daily stuff. I was getting overwhelmed & this really helped.
If kids are old enough, jobs for them? Set firm expectations. Again, I know easier said than done.

Phos · Yesterday 08:15

Perhaps a better storage solution for toys and an expectation that toys are tidied away and not taken from the room en masse. We got fed up of our living room being toys r us, invested in some kallaxes and set ground rules. They get bent from time to time, there’s a box of toys in my study right now from when DD came in whilst I was finishing something off but it’s generally contained.

THIS

I use to, sort through my sons toys, when he went to grandma's. Then donate them to the charity shop.
If I asked him to help, he couldn't part with anything.
So maybe when the older ones are at school, take toys you want to get rid of, to the charity shop, before you pick them up, then they cannot get them out of black bags,
My mum, always made the grand kids to tidy up before bed.
I did too, but I only have one child, so it didn't take long.

Please stop cleaning. There is more to life than this.

Very well put

It sounds as if you’re on a self loathing, self destruct cycle and I totally understand that from my own experience. I bought the Mrs Hinch book and she made me realise that I was trying to hard and needed to allocate certain jobs a day. I also taught my children that they can play with one toy and then put it away before playing with something else. It sounds as if you are missing out on “you” time. Even if it’s a 10 min podcast a day, you just need to find yourself again. 😊

Oh love! I remember these days. That’s one of the reasons why I stopped at two kids. What helped with me was getting out of the house as early as possible, leaving everything as it is and just going out for a few hours from 9 until lunchtime or longer then when I got home the dog and kids were all tired. I could then potter at home without the pressure weighing down of needing to get the kids out and the dog exercised on top of the cleaning. I’d chase my tail otherwise. I used to phone my mum and say cleaning with the kids at home is like climbing a feather mountain. The best thing about doing it this way is the house is tidier as you’ll have been out most of the day. Try it today. Also, less telly and more music will make you happier. We also asked for no more stuff for the kids fro
family and friends. Presents are more experiences these days. Start bringing less stuff into the house from now. Make it a real plan.

P.S. When you’re in your 70s you’ll look at your perfectly tidy house with your cushions all lined up in a row. It’ll be so silent you’ll hear the clock ticking and you’ll wish with all your heart you could go back to that time when you had a messy house full of gorgeous babies, even just for a day.

Wow.
listen. If you were going to die tomorrow - would you wish your house had been tidier or that you had spent more time with your kids? I think you need to dial this way back to what do you want from life? What makes you happy? How about “scuse the mess, my kids are busy making memories?” Get on the floor with them and play! I am not on social media at all. Huge blessing.
I cannot see your house so I imagine the declutter thing is a great idea. I do that as and when I can. I have five kids, all home schooled, including a neurodiverse hoarder and a baby. I find the daily chores can be a burden, but then I have a word with myself, remind myself of what matters, and ditch the stupid expectations. Your kitchen sides and toilets need to be clean. That’s it. Mess can be dumped into boxes (not labelled neat tidy boxes - just general “toy boxes” that any toy can be dumped into!), and kids don’t need a ton of stuff. Mine play with basically the same things all the time - Lego (always put it on a mat for easy tidying), imaginary play (wooden food and dollies!), books - kids love books, paper and crayons, and dress up type toys. Oh and all those tiny figurine things that become whole cities! 🤣). All kids are different. Find out what they like, play with them, tidy away with them and get rid of the rest. Your kids want you, and your attention. And two year olds love emptying drawers - join in! Enjoy! Then pop it back - should take two minutes to dump stuff in a drawer. If you have four kids I presume you love kids. Lower your standards! But raise your expectations of connection with your children! Be with them more, chill about the mess, pick up for a quarter hour - you should be able to blitz any mess considerably in that time. Once you are doing more WITH your kids, they won’t make so much random mess. I think they want you.
they will be grown before you know it, don’t miss it. You will regret it. X

The older 3 are old enough to work on the rule that they put away what they are playing with before they get other stuff out. If they all do this and tidy up after themselves - use star reward charts to encourage this - it would just be the toddler you're cleaning up after. This should considerably reduce the time you spend. For actual cleaning, just clean up what is necessary - spillages, after meals etc and tackle the cleaning as and when you can. One/ two rooms per day. Get the kids involved in things like dusting, the older one can have a job like the bins or drying the dishes, and you and your husband can just focus on the rooms that need to be properly cleaned, like the bathroom and kitchen. Being part of a big family, everyone has to muck in, either that or you have to lower your standards.

I had this revelation about a week ago while reading ‘How to keep House while Drowning’ and I’ve been so much easier on myself. Try to think if the space is still functional for your family it doesn’t need to be cleaned to perfection. No one is judging you but you need to come to terms with your own reasons for feeling you need to be a perfectionist at cleaning. I used to Hoover after every meal pick up every bit of mess and was so exhausted. Now I just do the tasks that having the biggest impact on my mental health :)

We’ve all been there, Op. I remember that frustration. The only solution is to pare way back on the 4 kids’ stuff. They can’t make a mess if there’s not much to make a mess with. Choose 10 things or if they’re old enough let them choose, whatever number you pick, and get rid of the rest. You can do this. Do the whole house declutter. Right now you’re just wasting your life you could be spending with your children arranging their stuff over and over every day.

Sounds like you've got too much stuff OP
Have a good clear out of all the old toys - be brutal and just do it.
I've been decluttering the last 6 months after having 3 kids (now adults) 2 still at home and I've just gone for it and life is so much less stressful
It's just stuff
My mother and father both passed away in December and I am in the process of clearing a home full of stuff. It's not rubbish and it heartbreaking the things I am getting rid of but I'm never going to leave a houseful of clutter for my own children to clear out after me, it's been so stressful!
Sorry probably gone completely off topic- bit just het rid of all the crap, it makes life so much easier xx