I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

Can you post some pics OP? It may be your standards are too high, it might be clutter, it might be something else, but it needs to be looked at objectively to decide which. It does sound like an insane amount of cleaning.

Personally, I would get the toddler out of the house every day for a few hours. That way your guilt of neglecting them is eased, there is less opportunity to make additional mess, and the DC will be happy to be a little more sedentary for the rest of the day.
I would be going a bit Sargent Major with the older DCs until they start doing 'their bit' and it comes naturally to them. It doesn't have to be loads, and I would start small and add in the extra jobs. If they are much older DCs then it's worth sitting them down first and explaining what is going to change and why it needs to. My DCs are 6 and 8yo, and they are expected to put all their dirty laundry in the basket, set the table, put their dirty cups and plates by the sink after a meal, and have a weekly tidy up of the playroom and their bedrooms. Yes, they moan about the tidying, but I tell them me and DH are responsible for our own stuff plus all of the communal stuff, so managing their own spaces is fair. They grumpily accept this. I also tell them anything left on the floor when I hoover post-tidy will be sucked up and lost forever, and anything too big for the hoover will be assumed 'unwanted' and binned/charity shopped as appropriate. Before I hoover I tend to give the rooms a check and point out anything missed with an 'Oh, OK so you don't want the cuddly octopus any more? No worries, I'll pop it in the charity bag' - that usually gets them scurrying to put away the last few random objects! They do find room tidying overwhelming though, and struggle to know where to start. I usually break it down for them and set a challenge eg "first up: books! Collect up any scattered around your room, return them to your bookcase, then make your bookcase look as nice as the library's! You have 10 mins... ready? GOGOGO!"
I love the idea of just paying them for their stuff then deciding yourself whether it's best to charity or marketplace it. That way you can get rid of quite a lot in one go. I often have a clear out of outgrown/broken stuff when they're at school. I try not to do so much in one day that it's noticeable (to them!), but just so it looks like I've tidied a little. I currently pop any outgrown stuff into the loft for a month to check it isn't 'missed' (this has only happened once).

I had this with both Dd and Ds (quite close age gap)

Ds would empty every cupboard he could get into.
Childlocks meant nothing. This is a child who at 12 weeks old you could give a bottle to and he would take it and feed himself.

In the end I used to go out. It was easier than running around after 2 dc who I always thought were lively children just like I was. But now realise we all have ADHD

We would take ddog for a walk then spend days wandering around the localish theme parks, shopping malls, museums IKEA or just on a very long walk with ddog
By the time we got home it was all about keeping dc up until I knew they were getting tired and then it was bath, tucked into bed and story time and then I could rattle round the house doing everything in peace.
I could never tidy and clean with dc around because as fast as I could tidy one room they could destroy 2

I understand where you are coming from.

You can spend your time fighting against the mess or just leave the house as it is, go out and enjoy yourself. The mess won’t get worse if you are out all day.
Then when you are back and dc are in bed you can tackle the mess and make inroads without dc destroying your progress.

Chore charts, de clutter,storage boxes and more time outside the home

older kids should be tidying and a requirement that their floors are clean before bed. 2 - 6 hours daily cleaning is insane.

stop, engage your DP to help and accept a bit of mess. enjoy your life and your kids.

do you simply let them have too many toys?!

oh yes I had a banging headache last week and just left the dishes till the morning. bloody hell you'd think I'd not cleaned for 3 weeks, the state of the place.

I'm laughing my head off at the ocd and gp comments. Next I'll be told to ring 111 on the kids causing tripping hazards on the stairs 😀

I'm not going to jinx it by saying we are getting there but the kitchens done. most of the clothes put away and it's nap time now. Cuddle in and scrolling for a bit before I can sneak out and get some more done.

don't usually mind the kids rooms being a mess but they've migrated their things into my room and I like my room!

I can completely empathise. Apologies if this has already been mentioned (I haven't read all of the replies), are you on Facebook? If so, search for The Organised Mum Method and the corresponding page The Organised Mum Community. The community page is a friendly, non-judgemental group of people who are all willing to share experiences and ideas on how to manage your home when it all feels overwhelming. You can post photos and people will make suggestions etc. And you can do it anonymously.
All the resources are free, unless you want to purchase the app or buy the books. I highly recommend you have a look. I'm not connected to the page at all other than it's helped me.
The Kon-Marie method of folding, storing & decluttering has also helped me (there are various FB groups dedicated to it). I just pick & choose bits that work for me.
Our homes can feel utterly overwhelming and affect our mental health. Good luck.

Some people don’t mind the mess they embrace it but I found it stressful too, I just can’t relax if everything is a huge mess. Our solution was to only have a small amount of toys in the lounge which we rotated. Our toy cupboard is locked this contains all the paint play dough Lego ect my kids play with this stuff every single day (they’ve just had kinetic sand out) but this way I can get one messy activity out at a time. Also stair gates are your friend, people judged me for having stair gates when dc were small but it meant I could clean a room and keep it clean. Being a happy and relaxed mum and having time to spend plying with your children not just cleaning up after them is so important. Do what you need to do for your own piece of mind.

My overriding memory of my mum from when I was a kid was her obsessive cleaning, she never played or had fun with us, we weren't allowed to make any mess. It was pretty miserable.

She's still the same, walks into MY house and starts cleaning. I ask to leave now when she does it. I have a cleaner FFS, it doesnt need to be cleaned.

When DTs were small I just tidied when they napped and after they went to bed, didnt take long.

Might it help if you played with dc and focused on one toy which is put away before getting out another.

Mine had a toybox in each of their bedrooms and there was a toy box in the sitting room. We tidied up before bathtime every evening (took about 10 minutes) and they were allowed books after bathtime - not toys.

Also we went out to the park every day when possible to run off their energy.

Sounds like expectations are too high-there’s a difference between dirty and lived in.
I’ve roughly followed TOMM and it does work if you’re looking to get the balance right. There are must do’s daily like empty any bins needed, wash on in evening ready for morning out or in dryer and make beds and clean only one thing in a bathroom. Then focus on one room for 30 min-most rooms take 15-20 min top.
Let go of childrens bedrooms, by all means clean it but their stuff they put away. It may not be how I would do it but hey it is their space. Every so often I will tidy one or two shelves or boxes to their right place.
With our two eldest 4 and 6 we let them chose one song every night before bath and for that time they tidy away what is theirs. If they scatter things all over the house they go into a big basket for them to sort-they easily tidy it when they want a certain lego piece!
I’ve found it easier to do things when one of us is focused on the kids and the other on the jobs-makes it less chaotic!

I find mess stressful as well and it is hard when the DC are small.

As long as you have some storage I wouldn't buy more because that will mean that you keep more.

If you could get rid of some of the stuff that would help.

Sorry if this has been addressed but haven't had time to read whole thread yet.

We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags

How does this keep happening? Put the stuff in bags in the boot of the car or somewhere where the kids can't get to it until you are able to take it to charity/tip.

I was a SW and t houses with children in that were immaculate rang alarm bells. It is not possible to have an immaculate house with children present.

@Mischance

Thats a load of rubbish

Of course its possible

It's maybe not desirable but it's obviously possible

As if a Tudy house rings alarm bells with sw

🙄

Wait, wait. From a lady who was a nanny live in with 4 boys under the age of 7, messy preteen and a mum who played on her pc while i cleaned 7 bedroom house, with 4 bathrooms and many corridors and did their ironing also plus the school run for two of the boys plus their breakfasts and many other things and still went out daily, was out most of the evenings to English language courses, church events and so on.

Get rid of massive toys, keep small toys in a toy corner or toy room, when they finish playing broom them together into a pile in the corner or in their own place, cupboard, chest etc.

Lego for toddlers is a no. Cook simple meals, iron only what needs ironing, when they are in need of ironing but too many, keep them in a basket or in a pile in a designated corner or room.

What else do you need doing?

My mum always said that dust will still be here when you’re not. Enjoy your family life with your children.

Omg stop cleaning!! Playing with your toddler is so much more important!

Either get a cleaner or just do a 3 hr clean each Saturday and let it be messy the rest of the time.

Cleaning for 2+ hrs a day is not normal you may have OCD.

What a weird post

I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole house clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning

Then

I obviously don’t spend 6 hours cleaning

I could have written this! I have 4 that trash the place too, in a house that's just way too small for all the shit we own but can't afford to move yet, I have 2 little ones at home with me during the day and still I spend it bloody cleaning and tidying... for absolutely no reason because it's all fucked again once tea time is over! And then I too feel really guilty that I didn't just play with my toddlers instead of resorting toy boxes and sweeping floors for the millionth time that week, but if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be able to actually see the floor.

Kind of glad it's not just me actually!!

Cleaning for 2+ hrs a day is not normal you may have OCD.

🙄🙄🙄🙄 I have OCD, this sentence is stupid.

It was a factor to bear in mind.

It is definitely not possible to have a tidy house with pre-school children about.

It's very hard from your posts to tell whether you are really drowning in a tide of toys or whether you have entirely unrealistic standards that are frankly not compatible with living with small children. Until that's clear (the contradictions in the posts aren't helping), I don't think it's wise for people to be preaching radical decluttering and withholding/restricting access to most of the children's things. I agree with a PP that that level of control and denial is a good way to raise a hoarder.

I agree. I was surprised by this. Make your children put things away after they've used them (yes toddlers can do this) and maybe try not to be over critical of your own efforts.

the toddler is the bi ggets issue as that can mean it is hard to get anything done. He tips things out of drawers. What about doing what we did in the twins' room and some kitchen cupboards - putting things on the draws and doors so the toddler cannot open them? Now my twin toddlers have graduated we still have some of those lots at top of a door, bolt on a cupboard upstairs etc. from those difficult days.