I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

6 hours cleaning everyday, plus 2 hours in the afternoon, plus DH cleaning at evenings?
Do you live in a castle? 😂

Also you have a toddler, be realistic. They are messy and experts at undoing everything you do 🙄. That's their reason to exist when at home. I suggest you get your toddler out of the house more because a bored toddler can cause havoc in seconds!

Look up the team tomm (the organised mum method). It has a seven day messy bootcamp to follow, then it breaks jobs down into sections. She's also on patreon and the instructions are very helpful - I struggle to declutter but she talks you through having an exit route etc which was part of my problem! It can feel overwhelming - but little and often is best. Good luck!

If you are seriously spending 6 hours a day cleaning you have a problem and need to speak to your GP.

I remember thinking this when my older kids were at school and I just spent all day doing housework with the toddler. It is possible to waste everyone’s time clearing up the constant mess.

the key is to declutter as much as possible so there’s less to tidy up. This really does work.

and make sure you go out and do things with your children.

I have assumed your issue is mess, though you say cleaning. Although you do have 4 kids so I assume your house must be pretty massive, multiple bathrooms etc, cleaning per se shouldn't be taking so long. Lower your standards right down. Sweep/vacuum, mop, quick wipe of all the flat surfaces and handles, proper clean of the kitchens/bathrooms once a week/fortnight and I'd say you're done bar knocking down the larger cobwebs as and when :P I may be a slattern but I CBA to worry my life away cleaning to perfection. I grew up in a dusty house with crumbs and coffee-cup rings on the kitchen table and it doesn't appear to have done me significant harm.

I think if you can only do 2 rooms in 6 hours you are being too thorough or your storage is an issue. When mine were smaller we used IKEA Kallax and boxes. Each box had different things in e.g toy card, lego, trains, dolls, play food etc. It would take 30 mins max to throw it all back into the correct boxes at the end of the day. So firstly sort your storage out. Secondly, when you get home play with them and then they won't all be throwing toys down the stairs etc. Our getting home routine used to be, snack, play at the park, come home play for a but, watch a bit of TV while I cook tea, bath and bed. We used our conservatory as a playroom though so they were all downstairs together not upstairs making a mess in each room. Maybe if you get boxes of different toys they could bring one down at a time to play in the lounge?

This isn’t normal. 6 hours cleaning a day??????

Also how old are the other 3 DCs? Of course toddlers are little hurricanes, you can only expect chaos from them 😅 but bigger kids they MUST put away toys.

Our rule is that if toys are left outside the designates storage after we asked to tidy up, they disappear in the basement for 1 month. They learned pretty quickly.

4 kid are going to have a lot of toys. Depending on the size of your house yes it could feel overwhelming. Depends on their ages also. 2 isn't too young to understand we don't throw things down the stairs. My 17 month old had a bout of trying this, she got told no every time and removed/distracted from doing so. She doesn't do it anymore. Mine are 5 , 6 and the 17 month old. The bigger two have to put all their toys away before bedtime. I help but they do the majority. We keep toys in their bedroom so my living room stays clean. I only have larger toys in the living room eg a little tikes car.

Do you have a garage or loft? I'd do a sort out, anything they don't play with goes to charity and if space in their bedrooms is limited keep minimal toys out and rotate every few weeks.Get good storage solutions, we have kallax fixed to the wall to save on floor space, beds with storage, bookshelves attached to the wall etc.

I'd also look at your parenting, even at reception kids do tidy up time so no reason why they can't do it at home. I'd also look at your mindset you shouldn't need to do so much tidying daily. Are you procrastinating, what is taking so long?

I'd also recommend a chat with your GP....

I used to aim to do one/two jobs a day, ie ironing/clean bathroom one, weeding/cleaning kitchen floor another. That way it.

If you're cleaning all day, you're toddler isn't spending much time with you. Taking them out to park, town, mother and toddler or to see a friend will stimulate and be good for both of you.

It might be worth spending a quick 15 mins in each room, and having a mini clear out of old toys. Don't throw them out immediately, just in case DC ask for something. This could be done every month until there's more space.

You need to come up with a plan to take control. DC shouldn't be sneeking stuff back into house, they should be asking if they can keep it. Do you have a car? Some of it could be kept in boot for a week or two. Hopefully if you're toddler is more stimulated, there's less chance of emptying drawers/swipping things onto the floor. How old are they?

Cleaning with a toddler in tow makes everything take 6 times longer though. Just hanging up a load of washing which would normally take under 10 minutes takes ages when the toddler is throwing all the socks down the stairs, pulling items you’ve just hung up off the rack, “helping” by dumping screwed up items on top of other items, needs a poo half way through, starts hitting the mirror with a toy car, and then you think you’ve finally distracted them and finish hanging up the laundry only to walk into the other room and they’ve emptied out all four boxes of toys including a box of beads that was supposed to be out of reach in their sister’s room 😬

I used to childmind and foster, and the best advice I can give you is to divide the toys into three, and put two lots away (I used to put two boxes in the loft) For a start, you will have less to clear up every day. Every so often spend an evening boxing up the current toys and swopping for one of the other boxes of toys. The children will be excited at having "New" toys and are likely to [lay rather than just making a mess with them.

So what is your todder doing while you clean for six hours?
Maybe if you actually played with him, interacted with him, read to him, or took him out, he wouldn't need to entertain himself by getting all the toys out.

Six hours is insane, and you've only done two rooms? And you think social services would have an issue if they turned up?

Genuinely, you need to see your GP. This isn't good for you and your toddler is being neglected.

You need to lower your standards. If the toddler makes a mess all the time, tidy once after they have gone to bed. Time bound all the rest of the stuff like washing, floors, baths, windows to an hour a day or a specific day a week and go snd do something else more fun.

This has nothing to do with decluttering so I disagree with the pp. This sounds like you have ocd or similar and I think you need to see a gp.
even the most cluttered home would be organised and clean in 42 hours a week tidying and sorting!

Does it have to be every day?

can family take the kids say for a weekend so you blast it and then you can relax?

it shouldn’t be this hard.

either give up cleaning or just get it done if it’s driving you mad.

Is this meant to be lighthearted ?

I think you need some help with your mental health. This is not right.

Is your house actually messy on this amount of cleaning time? (And messy isn’t just a few toys on the floor that can be tidied away to appropriate storage in 10 mins). In which case you need less stuff and better storage.

Or is this about your expectations being unrealistic? In which case it sounds like you need to speak to a doctor and get some support for how you are feeling, especially as you say this is a cycle that has repeated itself for each child.

What would happen if you took your toddler out straight after the school run instead?

You have too much crap. Your children sound like they’re hoarders (retrieving stuff from the bin). You need to clear everything out and have it gone from the house before they get home from school.

I am shocked by the amount of stuff my sister and friends have in their homes. Multiple rooms filled with kids toys. I’ve seen my sister and her husband clean up toys for hours. They once took an entire day - the two of them cleaning up.

I’m already looking at stuff to get rid of. This Christmas my son got a lot of plastic crap and I can’t wait to get rid of it.

I say that while I can’t get rid of my skinny clothes and my high heel collection because I envisage a day when I can fit back into them.

Too many toys.
The older kids should put their toys away before bedtime.

I've been where you are and it's really self inflicted - only to the degree that we can all choose how much we do and what our parameters are.

In the end what I did differently that made a difference when I had 2 year olds was picking 2 tidy up times - before lunch and after dinner. Aside from that I just waded through the chaos. I did try and encourage them to tidy up as we went along to some degree, which increased over time. I'd sit with them and pass them things to get them in the habit. For cleaning I followed the TOMM religiously, meaning only 45 mins of cleaning a day.

We have an IKEA kallax which helps and I've got very good at decluttering to reduce potential mess.

If your 2yo is repeatedly emptying drawers then they may have a trajectory schema and you could find other activities for them that create less mess. I'd give a firm repeated no every time they try to empty a drawer or touch something they shouldn't.

I don't spend six hours a month cleaning. Six hours a day is batshit.

Gosh, if this isn’t lighthearted/an exaggeration and truly how you spend your days I think you might need some help OP. DH and I both work full time hours with DC and we probably do more like 6 hours of cleaning a week. Our house isn’t going to win any awards but it’s safe and generally tidy. What does your toddler do all day while you are cleaning?