I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

You’ve got 4 children, why would anyone expect the house to be tidy? I have 1 and we’re all out all day every week day and even then her shit seems to take over the place sometimes.

@ProfessionalWeirdo

I manage all 3

🤷

You are not unnreasonable, but you need to teach your kids how to help (or at least pick up after themselves.)

Its just constant isn't it, the best thing I've done recently is a massive decultter, I found i was tidying the same few bits constantly, or moving around 'bits' that don't have a home. Tons of books, unloved toys & teddies, bedding, clothes have been sent to charity shop or binned.

One thing I did when my DS was little was have several of those big plastic toy boxes and had one out at a time, the others were in a cupboard upstairs, after a day or two another one would come out and I would keep his toys on rotation like that, he had a few that he played with all the time out but most of them was on rotation, saved him tipping everything out constantly then not playing with any of it.

I also think there's a big difference between mess and dirt, as long as the house is generally clean then who cares if its messy, I bet the kids don't.

You have too much stuff
get rid of excess clothes , children don’t need mountains of jumpers jeans and tops , we buy too much , find some good bits you can wash and wear for them all and charity shop the rest
that goes for shoes books furniture bedding ornaments and bric a brac
I used to feel like you too when someone pointed out my daughter had 15 pairs of shoes including trainers ect and she was only 7
So now I make sure that she has no more than 7 of each item
saves cash too
watch Stacey Solomons “ Sort your life out” she goes round to different peoples houses with her teams and helps them clear out excess of everything
you will be surprised at what you don’t miss

after school kids should help tidy before dinner and homework, they should put their uniform away neatly , help wash up after dinner , help fold laundry , polish the mirror or something- do a rota , say 20 mins each then they can have leisure time
Try to teach toddler by playing a game of tidy , ie throwing toys into a box
for drawers you can put those child lock things on them so they don’t open

I’m just astonished that anyone with four children has a liveable house! I have one fairly good 9y/o and my domesticity level can best be described as ‘is anyone actually likely to get sick?’ Beyond that, meh!

In my house I have 11 rooms, most quite big. Once a fortnight cleaner comes for 3.5 hours. BeForehand I tidy for about an hour. I have two messy kids, they have a playroom and bedroom each so mess is contained. No mess or clutter anywhere else in the house. In the week in between the cleaner I tidy and hoover and wipe loos and sinks. My house is fine and always looks nice and isn’t stressful. It sounds like you have a clutter problem. 6 hours plus cleaning is very excessive unless you have 20 rooms that are quite dirty.

Yeah, nah, mines a shit hole even though I too spend hours per day trying to make it not that way! 😂

De clutter
Cupboards and drawer locks.
Stair gates to maybe block off a room or 2?

What size of house do you live in that you clean that much and it's still a mess?

This is a really good idea

Get rid of the stuff.
Drop your standards.
Remember that if your kids are clean, safe, fed and loved sometimes that’s enough.

Don’t be a martyr everyday it’s truly soul destroying 😊

I know how you feel OP. I have a toddler and I feel like I'm constantly chasing my tail.

That said I think alot of it comes down to your expectations. They're too high. Your toddler is in the exploration stage and cleaning with a toddler around is always going to be frustrating.
I've started lowering my expectations and just expecting mess to always be there. Not dangerously so, (I'd definitely take the advice of others to limit the amount of toys/stuff available), but mess is inevitable with a toddler.

Just do bits here and there when you can (think essentials - keeping the laundry going, little and often, washing/up dishwasher mostly kept on top of, hoover when you can, keep the toilets cleaned. Everything else isn't a matter of life and death. I try and do all this at convenient times when my DD doesn't undo it all. For example I never leave piles of laundry about - I get it put away asap or do it after bedtime. Laundry and dishwasher I sort while my DD is watching Peppa or something on TV first thing on a morning.
General cleaning I've got a cleaner now but before I'd do it while hubby is playing with her.

Then the rest, forget about it. Take your toddler out for the day, get away from it all, or just chill out about it.

You don't need a perfectly clean and tidy house with kids. It also isn't possible. So lower your standards and almost enjoy the mess a bit. It's busy and fun, appreciate it for that.

Hope this helps.

The problem seems to be that there’s too much stuff around. One drawer or box for toys in each of the DC’s room is enough. Any overflow can go on shelves or bookcases so there’s nothing on the floor.
Be firm with your children that tidying up time is essential after play and if they refuse to comply then take toys away for a day until they learn.

Tbh, the way you’ve described your life in the OP sounds like madness. I have six children and never had days like this.

Can u use a more secure way to store the toys?
De clutter instead of cleaning first.
As long as the dishes are clean, clothes
I think leave it and step outside and start spending quality time together.
Perhaps make a game of sorting out clutter with the children?

You are in charge of your toddler. Of course you can stop him turning out drawers and throwing toys downstairs. You can also make a primary school child pick up a Barbie. But not for long so get on top of this now. Use your voice. It doesn't matter if you shock the toddler with a loud No! Or he is put in the highchair for five mins if he keeps doing it. Where is your hard stare? Your sharp tone? Your consequences for the school age kids?

Hahaha! What?!

It’s definately too much stuff if your spending six hours cleaning! My suggestions would be

1. take a bin bag every day and run around the house filling it with junk don’t stop till it’s full then bin straight away.
2. Each day focus on one room tsje a drawer or cupboard at a time and reorganise get rid of what you don’t need either bin donate or recycle but deep with it that day don’t put it in a garage to deal with later
3. try getting up before the children and sort out the kitchen and one room so they can come downstairs to a calm space
4. can you keep your toddler to one room during the day and kitchen that way keeping the mess in one place?
5. when my children were little I kept some toys out of reach and brought out toys each day so they were fresh to them. Keep the selection to a level you can cope with then teach them to put toys away every night before bed.

Also try to remember decluttering and cleaning are not the same. I’d focus at least an hour a day to decluttering and preparing your evening meal where possible then do a proper clean when the kids are in bed and not able to undo the progress you’ve made. When you have less the cleaning will get easier.

I won’t go into too much detail as it’s outing but I used to clean the house. A lot. Hours and hours . I also happen to have severe mental illness.
This has got a lot better ( but has manifested itself in other ways) although my house is still
cleaned daily although is by no means a show home. There is clutter and it is a comfy house that feels cosy.
Please try not to waste hours cleaning, you will not get that time back with your little ones . If your mental health is the route of this , you need to see your doctor. I would even suggest you do have a chat with your doctor.

Parental discipline is the answer here. The more you tidy up after them, the more they will let you do it. If you don't have enough storage, get it. If you're hoarding too many toys, donate them. Only buy new things for the children on special occasions like Xmas, birthday, Easter then they will get used to treasuring the things they do have.

@Kacy75

The OP isn't spending 6 hours cleaning - she has confirmed that she was exaggerating.

aww ok missed that one ahha! Although I do personally know people who do spend their entire day cleaning and actually enjoy it. But advice still stands, less in your home makes it easier to maintain! x

You’re holding all the responsibility for this. It’s not yours to hold. You are a family, you all share the family home, it should be shared. Short-term this is probably a worse nightmare as now you are responsible for getting the kids to learn and build new habits of putting their stuff away but long-term not only do you get your life and sanity back but you help your kids build good habits for life and help them respect and appreciate their possessions, home and each other. Good luck (and no I haven’t achieved it yet but I’m still trying!)

One of the things that saved my sanity is a lego bag. It's a big circular bag with a drawstring that will lay out flat. They play with the lego on that, or not far out of it and then, when they are done, you just pull the drawstring and have a mad 2 mins of who can find the most lego bits to throw in the bag. It was about £8 on eBay. LIFESAVER!