I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

If you leave the house and take the kids to school, then go to a play centre, park etc, the house is getting NO WORSE. But currently you really are wasting your time.

Are you actually cleaning or is it non stop tidying? If it's tidying I get it, I had 4 messy kids. I got two huge storage boxes and a snow shovel. After dinner/beefier bath I literally scooped everything into the boxes and put the lid on. In every room. Fuck re-sorting games and tots so they look nice, it's a thankless task.

This was what my childhood was a bit like at one point, immaculate skirting boards and not a spec of dust, the smell of pledge furniture polish! not a toy in site it seemed like now I look back.

In a similar position op. I usually set myself a timer and do ten minutes in each room trying to do as much as humanly possible but I’ve been sick since last week and everything has got totally out of hand. My husband is not very understanding either and it all feels really overwhelming.

How old are the older children? Are you using powerful enough bribes to make them clear up their own toys?

I really like the podcast/blog A Slob Comes Clean and her approach to cleaning/decluttering. It really helped me. She also has two books: How To Clean Your House Without Losing your Mind / Decluttering at the Speed of Life.

Most helpful tips for me:

Declutter straight into the bin (for rubbish), for donatable stuff, a small-ish box/bag that you can take directly to a donation point. Take it there as soon as it is full. Don't hold onto stuff for weeks and "do a big trip" - lots of little trips or a day where you take a load of bags at once is key. Pick a place where you can donate everything without sorting it into endless categories. Don't save stuff to sell, unless you're going to give yourself a deadline by booking a table at a car boot (etc). Saving stuff to sell or donate "later" just ends up with it being snuck back in. Keeping loads and loads of stuff in your house to sell or donate "later" means it is still clutter. Get it gone.

Separate daily tasks (she uses 4 habits) from "project" cleaning. Her 4 tasks are these:

Dishes (wash and put away once per day, also wipe down kitchen counters)
Sweep kitchen floor (do not actually have to sweep daily, but clear of obstacles as though ready to sweep)
Remove clutter from bathrooms (I was sceptical, but makes a big difference)
5 minute tidy up starting with the most visible area. (Instructions in book/on podcast).

I add laundry to the daily tasks. I prefer that to doing it all in one day like she describes - I don't have a utility room.

Daily tasks are like "pre-cleaning". It is more difficult to clean or declutter or "project clean" when those things are not done, so they must be done first. Everything will also look shitty if they are not done, even if everything else is pristine. They need doing every single day, always. They don't take long if you've kept up with it. If you haven't kept up with it, it doesn't matter, still start there - it makes everything else much easier.

Lastly she reckons everybody has a "clutter threshold" - which is the amount of stuff that you can handle without getting overwhelmed. It's not necessarily related to whether you're minimalist or maximalist or a hoarder or collect things or are ruthless in throwing away. It's just if you have more than this amount of stuff, you'll find yourself drowning all the time. She doesn't really offer any way of working out what your clutter threshold is except for her decluttering method and the container rule, and a statement that "you'll know when you find it". I definitely haven't found mine yet, if this is true! But I think she is probably right - there are now small areas of the house where a limited amount of things live, and they never stray far from that area and are easy to put away even if they do. Whether that could apply to a whole house? I am not sure. But I'm going to keep going and try to find out.

oh gosh yes we haven't long moved and I've still not got into the routine of this house. although it's been over a year, just about.

this is my life too, just going from one job to another never finishing and having to deal with life in-between.
I'm applying for jobs too, for a bit of extra cash to get us through this rough period if everything going up and up in price so I'm getting extra stressed about the mess. If it's never done now when I've got all day to do it, how will it ever be done when i have to work ontop of it.

@Suzi888

Why do you allow her to behave like that?

Have you watched Sort your life out on BBC 1…. If not watch it and get rid of a load of stuff. I expect you have way too much stuff. Can you get grandparents to have kids say for 2/3/4 days and overnight and you and DH or a good friend go through your house and either get a skip or do a mega mega declutter. The kids don’t need a million toys. I’d get drawer clips so your drawers don’t get opened and emptied! If you did a mega declutter in one go and then got a cleaning company to come for a day you can start afresh. The declutter is key. The Good luck xxx

If you are spending 6 hours a day cleaning then you have a problem. My mum spent most of our childhood cleaning and as kids we never remember her playing with us or being present in the room. Don't waste precious time with your kids trying to keep your house immaculate.

Why bother. Aim for 1 single room in the house to be tidy at any one time. Seriously no one with young kids has every single room in the house tidy at once, what an insane ambition!

I honestly don't understand how people spend so much time and effort

Even if I was to gut my house top to bottom it would take 6 hours and I certainly wouldn't need to do it all again the next day!

@Summerfun54321

What a load of nonsense

Ask your kids and ask yourself what are the most important things you like to do with your time and focus on them and sack off the rest.

I don’t really understand this either, it’s I spend six hours a day cleaning. I obviously don’t spend so hours a day cleaning, you understand op we don’t know you? We are not your mate or your mum. This is just an anonymous forum.

Why!? I don't want a show home and never have done. I have a nice full life with work and kids and have a messy house. A tidy house is a sign of a wasted life.

But she isn't spending 6 hours a day cleaning even though that is literally what her OP says

Her update says "well obviously I don't spend 6 hours cleaning".

Wish people would just say what they mean.

@Summerfun54321

I dont have a show home either but is clean and tidy

I have a nice life too with work and kids and plenty of time sat on my arse.

It's not hard to keep it reasonable. Nor is it just my job.

This doesn't make any sense OP - it would be physically impossible to spend 3 hours cleaning one room, when you clean it every day. Most people on MN have had toddlers, and didn't spend anywhere near this amount of time cleaning. When my DCs were toddlers I probably spent a couple of hours a week cleaning. I think there must be something very wrong - maybe OCD?

Put down a couple of fleece blankets for them to play on and when you get fed-up with the mess simply gather up the blankets with all the toys in the middle and shove the bundle in a spare room or cupboard and close the door. You're welcome.

I also have 4 kids and the housework is immense- so much just to keep things ticking on at an ok level (nowhere near Instagram-worthy 😆)

I agree about going out. It’s stressful to look at the mess all day, and feels better to come home after being out. Maybe try to get out first thing after school run so you don’t feel dragged down by the mess and chaos (im speaking for myself!)

You need to have catches on the drawers fir your child's safety as well as to prevent him ransacking them

I can sympathise OP as a mum to four as well.
What we did was had them share bedrooms and the 4th bedroom became a play room. This contained the toy strewn bomb site to one room. We then got all sorts of toy storage: the Kallax units with baskets, a few storage benches (set either side of a child height play table), a hanging mesh thing to toss stuffed toys into.

So this meant that the rest of the house was largely toy free. Yes, they could decide to bring down a puzzle or Lego castle to do on the kitchen table while DH or I made dinner. Yes, they could build a pillow fort in the living room and have a teddy bear tea party.

But, from walking age we also implemented tidy up times where the children would be tidying away toys with one of us at the end of each day across the whole house. Either before or after dinner depending on how late I was at work. We also trained them to put away a toy as soon as they were done, before pulling out another toy. It helped that we had a play room where the toys all had a place to “live”.

If they say had their Thomas Tank Engine track set up on the floor of the play room and were playing trains and it’s a lovely sunny day, we’d say right let’s go to the park and we would let them leave that set up if they thought they’d want to play with it some more when they got back.

Even if you don’t have a spare bedroom to make a play room, you can do the same set up in your living room. Put in toy storage and have them mostly play there. Bedrooms should be book shelves, beds and clothes with a few stuffed toys on the beds.

We also put all play doh, paints, colouring, crafts in a kitchen cabinet and restricted that activity to the kitchen table.

Something is wrong if you need to clean that much every day. Yes there are daily chores (tidying, washing, ironing etc) but most houses need one big clean a week. Make a list of all the jobs you need to do once a week and the daily jobs and tick them off when done.

Toddlers need to burn off steam or they will release that energy around the house. Get the washing on and out, run the hoover round then if possible, get the kids out to the park/for a walk to burn as much energy as possible. You need this for your own mental health too, its not healthy to feel trapped in the house cleaning day in day out. When you come back and theres a chance (kids watching a movie, playing lego), then maybe do a few jobs if possible.

The toddler years are hard and monotonous with the toys being thrown everywhere day after day, but you dont want to resent your child getting their toys out. Have you got good storage? Lots of tubs and storage baskets to throw the toys back into at the end of the day?

My house would look sensational if I cleaned for two hours evry day

This. Go easy on yourself OP x