I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

This phase will pass. As I walk across the dark landing to the loo in the middle of the night, I sometimes remember how painful that could be back in the days of Lego and Sylvanians...
A selection of those nighttime evils is now boxed up in the cupboard under the stairs for our visiting grandchildren - and their parents.

But what you describe, @wastingyouthondishes , does not seem like 'cleaning' to me ('cleaning' = 'getting rid of dirt') but tidying. The key to tidying is knowing what you have, and where each item should go when it is put away.

Stop everything at 9pm tonight and sit down with your DH to watch Stacey Solomon on 'Sort Your Life Out' on BBC1. You might decide you have to invite her team into your home! Use the programme to plan together what you should do; I think I would invite the older children to watch the programme with you on catch-up, and see if you can't get them to buy into the 'less stuff is more fun approach.

Good luck!

I am a recovering slob.

What I've found it helpful is daily tasks - washing / dishwasher / make beds and this one is the most important keeping all surfaces clutter few - this is really important so you notice the mess before it gets bad. These are all done first thing and again last thing or after guests leave, clearing surfaces as soon as you see it.

The next big thing (I use mornings saturdays for this and allow three hours so you still have 13 hours to have fun!) Declutter an area at time and don't waste money on storage solutions as your probably just paying to hold on to crap. Be completely ruthless and ignore the kids bluntly you are the adult just get rid of the stuff they aren't using. Same for your stuff.

Can you give the toddler your phone to watch ceebies while you do each room might take longer initially but really you should be looking at 10 minutes a room to tidy if that.

Put everything in its home and always leave a room tidy with something to put back in its home in another room. Even straightening cushions and furniture it takes second and keeps stuff looking good.

Cleaning and bed changes I tend to blitz before we host at the weekend and I'll clean bathroom while I am showering with an extra task each time (loo/bath/floor) but sink daily after brushing teeth. Washing I put away before bed. I'd like to add to an extra daily 20 minutes for hoover dusting, oven clean, gardening for my partner to do though to make hosting less stressful.

While you are stay at home parents most will fall to you but the rest of the family need to do their bit. Great your husband is doing his bit but it's disappointing that's not seen as the norm. No new toys out until you've put away old ones, rubbish goes into the bin and dirty dishes into dishwasher.

I get people saying life too short to spend cleaning but I find a messy house is the absolute worst for my mood, mental health and how productive I am. Also I spend most of salary and time here - why not make it a nice place to be? It might sound really boring but it's made such a positive impact on my life.

Good luck op I feel your pain

Throw away most of the stuff. Use Kondo rules. I quite like putting all the stuff that's not in its place,cluttering surfaces etc in the centre of the room and then redistributing it from there.

ReadtheReviews

read recently that having had 3 children Marie Kondo has given up on tidying.🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

We used to have 2 or 3 nice wicker baskets in the front room that everything git scooped into every evening. We used to rotate the toys and put some on the loft and have regular clear outs to the charity shop.

IME good storage solves a lot of problems.

However when I had toddler we went out - got up went to toddler group or soft platy or park for several hours with walks as well they got my attention and exercise. Then come home have lunch and then it was nap or quite time in front of TV books - so I could then clean and tidy get washing up done - though I'd faff with washing before leaving house - then get older kids.

For same reason we used to try and get out the house on a Saturday - so it felt like we'd done something else.

Otherwise it feel you spent entire day cleaning and tidying with little to show for it when in reality you've been mostly pottering - constant interruptions and half done tasks.

Tidying a house with 4 kids in it including a toddler is like trying to dig a hole in the sea.
Just go out playgroups/ park etc and let them mess up other places. Or send them all out with their dad and instead of tidying just box the majority of the toys up and take them to a charity shop. My tip for Lego is to have a dustpan and brush for getting it off the floor.

I was incredibly tidy when ds was small, super organised as we lived in a flat and needed to be tidy, I'm glad you weren't my SW 🙄

Can you imagine if a Nanny said to their employer "Oh sorry the house is a shit tip, it's impossible to keep it tidy with small kids!" 🤣

Good storage at that age kids I found was big boxes like this - ottoman or big baskets things get put in quickly and kids can find again easily.

@Mischance

Of course its possible

What a load of rubbish

I get you op. I have 2, a newborn and a primary aged kid and I'm struggling. I'll add to this madness, that I also have a ft cleaner 3 days a week. yep 8-4:30 and I still am fighting against time. I have decluttered as much as I can, assigned alot for my housekeeper and I still don't have enough time. I must be really bad at managing my time.
It doesn't help that I grew up in another country and everyone has FT help, so you live in a spotless home all the time. I just cannot undo that standard.

@FourFour

'yep 8-4:30 and I still am fighting against time'

Wtf?

I absolutely agree about decluttering. Also get the children involved. We have a 22 month old and he always puts away his toys, hangs his coat up, puts shoes away, puts his clothes in his wash basket and will help unload the dishwasher. He also likes to wipe down the table. He loves helping and it's all age appropriate.

Your children should be contributing to their home. It's not just the responsibility of you and your partner.

Sounds like a nightmare. Less is more, clear out all the stuff and just leave a few bits for them. For the toddler stick the baby proofing things on all the drawers he can reach, that'll save you some time. Cleaning for that many hours per day is....crazy.

Oh man OP, that's tough. 4 kids!!

I'll offer some advice of life with a toddler in a very tiny flat. But it can't compare to dealing with 4 children I'm sure. Hopefully there's something useful here.

I think the problem comes down to far too many toys, as others have already said. You need a massive cull. Time to be brutal.
Too many toys is also the reason your toddler is chucking toys. Young children throw toys when there are too many and they don't know what to do with them.

Have a look at Montessori units and do you rotations. So for a fortnight set up some toys and activities at child level where the toddler can get what they want and things are laid out in such a way to hopefully guide them to play. Everything else (and this is also after a massive cull!) is stored by category or set in boxes and hidden away somewhere. After a fortnight do a swap and put different toys and activities out. This works well for the different seasons as you can put out themed toys/activities/objects for easter/autumn/Christmas or whatever.

The right storage is important but not as important as having a big declutter and then remaining mindful of what new things enter your house. Maybe implement a strict "one in one out" rule once you've pared everything back to your ideal amount.

Have a look on YouTube at Dana K White ("a slob comes clean"). She's really good. You shouldn't be spending 6 hours cleaning and some of this must be down to owning too many things. Time to look at what you own in general and not just at the children's toys.

If washing the dishes is taking too long maybe you have way too many dishes. For example, if the kids all have their own cereal bowl and spoon (maybe in different colours) then the older kids can wash their own after they have breakfast every morning. We are a family of 3 but we only own 4 plates, 4 bowls, 4 mugs, 4 glasses and a couple of toddler cups/sippy cups. Recently we saw a gorgeous teapot we wanted. We decided it was beautiful enough to buy and so we donated our old one to charity. We do not need two teapots.

You sound like you're on a mission and I think you'll feel a weight off when you do a massive declutter. Try this video first and see if it helps inform your decluttering. Enjoy! It's so cathartic!

I made a conscious decision when my eldest two were both toddlers that we couldn't keep the whole house tidy and clean. So I chose my priorities, mentally split the house in half and focused only on downstairs.

It felt like a revelation. Downstairs was lovely and clean and tidy so I never had to worry about unnanounced visitors. Upstairs was like a tip, covered in dust and toys and our bedroom and the landing became a total dumping ground for the crap I didn't want cluttering up our lovely living spaces. Either DH or I would give upstairs an hour on a weekend so bathroom was clean etc but that was it.

It worked for us at the time!

Lower your standards and play with your kids!!!

Completely wrong to say this as some people are naturally very tidy/organised (I am). I would also sacrifice my evenings to clean/tidy/sort washing etc to make sure the kids never missed out on anything (park trips, playing with them, days out etc). Its clear this lady is struggling with staying on top of it and theres some great suggestions on here, but that doesn’t mean theres anything wrong with people who do have a tidy/clean house. We all manage things differently and to some it comes easier than others.

Yes it is.

@Eranzer we should be best friends. I don't know anyone who doesn't claim they live in a show home and it's always like this on a prearranged visit

😂who has 6 hours a day to solely devote to cleaning! I don’t think I have 6 hours a week

This is a nightmare for you & trust me, my kids are grown, you will look back & regret not having spent quality time with your kids so… My advice-
1- Have hubby or someone else you trust, take your kids for a weekend.
2- Buy 3x large storage boxes
3- Label each box with each child’s name. Put a selection of each child’s toys into each box.
4- Put the rest of the children’s toys into the loft, garage or somewhere they can’t access, donate any they don’t play with & throw the crap.
5- Clean rest of home.
6- Put each box into each child room
7- Buy healthy treats- Keep out of children’s reach
8- When Hubby & children return set new rules, to be along the lines of- All except 1 Toy to be kept in their rooms, they can play with any 1 toy in the living room at a time. If they break this rule they won’t get a daily treat & if they don’t keep their room tidy, they don’t get to go to the park (make this a once a week thing).
9- Rotate the toys from the other stash every couple of days so they don’t get so bored.
10- Be consistent, don’t give in, don’t make false “threats”, follow through with the no treat even if one child is left out because they’ve broken the rules, they’ll soon learn.
11- Be the parent & maybe even get the children to help with the housework.
12- Once they get the hang of it, maybe introduce a messy play session once a week with things like water, mud kitchens, play dough, paints… Once things are in place you’ll ask be able to enjoy your time together.
Good luck.

OP, I’m not trying to be rude but are you sure it’s 6-10 hours of cleaning per day (6 hours alone during day, estimated 2 hours each with DH in evening)

For one thing, this post has a lot of updates, and most of them are quite long.

Maybe it’s 4.5 hours of trying to clean and 1.5 hours of actual activity.

If this sounds like you (sounds like me to) sack off the 4.5 hours of wishing you were better / quicker / cleaner / toddler free. Have a cuppa and then go to the park. Free yourself.

Nb: no judgement from me. I’m actually a terrible wife, mother and employee. I phone it all in, in all aspects of my life, all of the time. And I can’t make a chicken last a week to save my life so I’m a shit MNer too.

You can choose any two of the following, but not all three:

A clean house
Happy kids
Your sanity