I'm wasting my children's lives by cleaning

[wastingyouthondishes]

And I go through the same routine every day.
I wake up, think this is the day I get the whole hpuse clean before they get back from school, spend the next 6 hours cleaning, sigh because I've not even finished 2 rooms, pick them up from school and try to finish while they scratch eachothers eyes out or feign diarrhea so they camt possibly pick up a barbie. I have a toddler at home all day who constantly swipes every fucking item onto the floor. He's recently discovered how to empty a drawer and this week I've not had a clear floor in any room for longer than 2 minutes.

It comes in ebsand flows, I always find myself posting this stuff when I reach toddler stage, but now I'm old enough and I've had enough kids (4) to realise that I'm wasting my toddlers last days at home with me before school starts and my children's lives after school.

I'm not a pig (all the time) and I don't live in a bomb site always but if the police or an ambulance had to enter my home for an emergency today I'd be contacted by social services for potential death via lego induced fall! Oh and throwing toys down the stairs! Toddler is 2 and still learning but I can't keep up with the mess.
DH works full time and he's spending every day after work helping me clean and then making dinner and tidying up after too and I'm still not making a dent because my kids keep bringing everything out before I've even put it all away.
considering locks on every door and just locking each room when I've finished and the kids can live in the bath!

I go to bed every night upset its not done and I've not gone to the park but I can't live like this. We are decluttering but it's slow and they sneak stuff back in the house from the bags.

Its not always this bad but its been over a week and the kids keep taking toys into my room because their floor is full! despite me tidying all day!
I need it all out don't I? Aghhh!!!!!

-pure rant-

We do the basics and just live around the rest, none of us wants to spend our whole lives on housework

In 20 years I am not going to look back and say I wished I mopped more

I know this sounds like very trite but I think systems really would help you, if your mess is so never-ending. I like to follow the mess rather than make the mess follow me.

Eg if a certain item keeps piling up mainly in a certain area, place a dumping receptacle there - hooks, basket with very large mouth, transparent box, etc. Whatever is most convenient for dumping, and won't make a mess if rifled through to get things out again as well (transparent is good for this).

It doesn't matter if the laundry basket or coat hanging tree would normally be in a certain spot. Place it where it is most needed. Heck, place multiple laundry baskets (you can make them aesthetic if get to the stage of caring how it looks) all around.

You might say "but the mess is EVERYWHERE" which is v true but often there's a starting point/area for each specific type of mess before it spreads.

Hi
Cleaning is a good thing ,but more importantly what is your reason behind it.
We all like our homes clean and spend cleaning 1/3 of our lifes...and this is good as we want to live happy in a beautiful environment
A lot of people clean because are angry or happy ,others because they have to ,others because love to clean and fill satisfied of their work. Fill house proud.
Having children make the household a lot different in any way. Some people feel frustrated .other just except it as a faze .
In your message I can fill that you need more purpose in this stage of your life.
Ones you figured out what you actually want to do ,then your life will change completely ,and cleaning will be just a tick on the list.
I personally miss playing lego with my kids...they grow up so quickly

Also to emphasise, pick the most suitable receptacle for mess type - one that is good both for instant dumping (eg wide open mouth) but that also keeps things in a suitably organised way (eg mail rack with widely spaced slots, keeping mail upright even if diagonally and haphazardly so!) so it won't make a further mess when you're rifling through it looking for 1 thing

How old are your kids OP?

6 hours…This is way too much time spent tidying and cleaning!

You need to declutter and also have things that are out of access to the kids. Tell them they are not to take things out of a particular cupboard.
-Get kids in the habit of tidying up after taking out something particularly messy.
-If they want to play something, they need to make the space for it in their designated place e.g. bedroom, lounge, wherever. Not just take it to another room.
-Get kids to do a final tidy up of toys/books/puzzles before bed.

There's a difference between cleaning (essential) and tidying (important up to a point). It sounds as though you're tidying rather than cleaning.

As others have said, get a few big boxes, and sort toys into them - we have one for Lego (or one of those Lego drawstring nat things is good), one for train tracks, and one for random bits. The "random" one gets everything else shoved into it and then gets tidied out every now and then.

Make the kids tidy up whatever they've been playing with before getting out something new and before going to bed/school.

Likewise, if the toddler empties out a drawer, fine - they tidy it up before any toys come out.

Don't have stuff sitting on surfaces - the stuff will get knocked off onto the floor constantly, and also makes it harder to clean as you're constantly moving things around.

Declutter as much as you can. Find toys that haven't been played with for ages and put them in a box in the loft. If no one asks for them 6 months, sell them, donate to charity, give them away or whatever. Then do another box, and so on.

If you're genuinely spending 6+ hours a day cleaning (not tidying) then it sounds like there's a deeper issue there. It can't take 6 hours to do 2 rooms if you're doing it every day. To me, 6 hours is a deep clean, which happens about once every 6 months - that's a proper "move all the furniture, vacuum everything, scrub skirting boards with a toothbrush" type clean (even then I'd be hard-pressed to spend 6 hours on 2 rooms). You need to have a serious think about whether your standards are too high, and think about speaking to your GP if it's a compulsion.

100% this.

And /or your storage solutions are all wrong.

Also keep to one room / fet out of the house for a couple of walks.

I need a tidy house we do an after breakfast / after dinner clean up.

I'm actually surprised this all happened again, the older kids are 10, 8 and 5 so old enough, and the 2 eldest ones usually keep their room tidy but me and DH had the bright idea of painting the down stairs last week while he was off work, and the house just hasn't recovered.

We bought some bookshelves and 2 big toy boxes, one for each bedroom (3 bed house so 2 kids sharing a room, toddler still with us atm) and it's been very easy to manage but Christmas and 2 birthdays at the start of the year, family went mad and I made the mistake of not doing a declutter before Xmas (as we have recently moved house, and decluttered in the process I didn't think we'd need to do it again so soon!)

I have to stress this isn't a normal occurance it's been over a week though and it's just getting worse! I can't bloody get ontop of it.

We have those plastic boxes, one for toy food, one for trains, one for whatever else set, and the the little one has just started emptying the box, I had to move them to my room!

The worst part is, this is my 4th child, so I know what I'm doing. BUT THIS ONE IS A NIGHTMARE!

Loads of replies and I don't blame everyone jumping on, but I'm sat here on mumset because I just put the clothes into piles to put away, came downstairs to them all over the floor with the sofa cushions on top. I was only 2 minutes. So that's why it's not getting done but I don't think you're allowed to tie toddlers to a chair (should have kept the highchair) and its the only solution for a clean house!

Poor DH, I promised him I'd get it done the last few days and he's come home and sighed and got stuck in.

Black bags are coming out right now. Fuck the Toys! ! !

Wish me luck and thank you for replying. I'm too ashamed to show my friends and family! I should do before and after photos shouldn't I?

I’m very unsure if this is light hearted/exaggerated? If not it sounds like a bigger concern with ocd or mental health.

I found myself falling into that trap. Honestly I just lowered expectations, I have small dc and they make mess. They won't remember the Lego on the floor but they'll remember parents not having time for them.

A couple of things we did to try and reduce mess were getting toy boxes (actually they're storage ottomans, double as seating)- good size and hold a lot of toys. Kallax shelves with the box drawers, labelled with what's in them and all reachable by dc.
Storage in their bedrooms, labelled for the older dc and just big enough for bedroom crap for non-reader.
Regular clear outs, as they grow out of toys or loose interest they are given away or donated.
Also taught the dc to put toys away when they're finished with them, I still have to remind them of course but it's a good habit to get into. Obviously the toddler is less inclined, my 3yo has just started doing it with a lot of prompting. My expectations of 'good enough' adjusted with dc, if I can walk on the floor and it's not filthy that's fine, I'll hoover/dust when I have time.

Older dc (8) does a few chores, feeds the cat, washes their own breakfast bowl, puts their laundry away, makes the bed type of thing in exchange for pocket money. It's maybe 5-10 minutes a day but a bargain for £5 a week!

you are a genius! I never thought about buying the toys! Our old man sent our clothes to a cash for clothes shop and I got rid of 2 black bags for about a fiver and I was well chuffed. I can't believe I didn't think about that

We do need bigger wardrobes. We still have toddler size ones with small drawers but I did read on line that it's better to get rid of stuff before you bring in any more, including storage solutions.

My house is usually a mess but I can always get it back on track in the night before I've gone to bed ready for morning. I've been waking up to chaos all week now and I'm still sat on mumsent.
5 more minutes 😆

Maybe the toddler is emptying drawers onto the floor because he's bored?

This is what I'd do. Forget everything but the bare minimum during the daytime and spend that time with your child. If you go out or do specific activities with him there'll be far less mess made. Then in the evenings once all kids in bed, you and DH devote time to tidying and organising the house. Maybe that'll take a couple of weeks but you'll get it done.

Tidying/cleaning for hours a day is insane.

Take them out for most of the day and they can't make mess. Park, library, forest walk, climbing trees, whatever.

Get clear plastic boxes for toys of each type and a set of those ikea shelves. Be militant - they are allowed one box out at a time and must throw it all back in before they take out a different box.

Reduce the number of toys. Try not to buy toys that have too many "bits". If you have a garden, get a trampoline or outside toys, let them go nuts out there and it's less stressful than inside.

I am wondering if you just have incredibly high, unrealistic standards.

We never really thought of toys as mess. We sweep them all back into their boxes straight after dinner every night, and ignore them being out during the day unless we are expecting visitors.

"Buying " in other words bribing your kids to get rid of their toys sounds awful. Poor kids made to feel guilty for having their possessions that have been bought for them.
This is a good way to raise future hoarders.

I love this idea. I'm going to incorporate it in my house.

Seriously, you had 4 children - did you not anticipate the fact that your house would be a mess? We look after our 2 grandchildren one day a week and the house always looks like it's been hit by a tornado by the time they go home 😂

OP, 4 children here and we did not have this issue.

Invariably the messiest house I have been in were the ones with oceans of toys.

Most weren't played with.

Do a massive cull.

Then box up lots of the toys and bring out a box every couple of days, but ONLY when the other box is picked up.

Even children of two can be trained to tidy up.

My children from this age were taught to tidy up.

They didn't like it, but they didn't have any choice.

It really forms good habits early on.

The principle of cleaning up after yourself.

I'm not saying they do it all the time here and don't have to be reminded🙄, but they are well aware of it as a principle and I remind them of it.

Too many toys is overwhelming.

The box system means they enjoy their toys more IMO.

Cleaning for six hours each day and having nothing to show for it sounds demoralising as fuck.

I know it’s a MN thing to say, but any chance of getting a cleaner in once a week? At least floors, windows and bathrooms will be done, and you can just (get your kids to) do general day-to-day tidying?

Sounds like too many toys then if it’s constantly a mess

I know every child is different but I used to put my toys away either end of day or after is finished with them - Lego was my prized possession I still have the boxes even, and it’s quite a valuable set now as it’s discontinued so I would never have thrown it down the stairs.

also different times but I suspect I would have gotten the slipper if my dad came home to the mess you describe.

Eg aren’t the older ones tidying their own stuff? Also, it’s fine to put the 2 year old in a play pen for 2 minutes while you run upstairs if they create havoc while your back is turned

Could you have a clear out? We recently welcomed baby number 3 and I had a huge clear out, if they hadn't played with it in the last 6 to 12 months it was gone ...they can only play with so many things at a time so there's a few big boxes that can be rotated and when they're finished it all goes back in ...I'm currently cleaning up whilst the older two are at school so do feel your pain! X

Declutter, reduce the amount of toys they can access at any time, lockable toy boxes. Essentially prevent the toys being thrown around