....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

[TrainteaAnnie]

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

Read the post I was responding to. It didn't say men did these things more often it said, The misdeeds women are guilty of are just incomparable to the awfulness of men My point was those things are just as awful and I've given three examples of women doing things that very much are comparable to things that evil men do.

in summary, women will fuck up your head, but at least they’ll put the vacuum round

I probably shouldn't have found that so funny

Indeed.

Although I think @GCAcademic needs a namechange.

33% have convictions <huge extrapolation> but most are 😂

Oh poor Vanessa, it wasn't her fault was it. Would you let a man pull your strings so you abused babies in your care and sent him photos. She has responsibility for what she did.

What experiences have you suffered at the hands of men? I'm guessing even worse/more frequent.

Unless you work on a womens-only ward in which case your view will be very skewed? (If there's even such a thing nowadays)

I used to work in the nhs and was verbally abused regularly by men and dealt with some very anti-social behaviours. Can't recall any incidents from women.

Also, just out of interest - how did a female patient manage to piss on you?

It is right to be cautious around men. Girls and women have always been in danger from men. Even the 'good' ones. Trust your instincts.

What a load of stereotypical nonsense.

No wonder some men think they can get away with misogynistic attitudes when there's this sort of rubbish posted on a primarily female website. Similarly for Saraclara and BabyonBoard who always seem to post the poor men can't help themselves perspective and the nasty mean women that aren't understanding enough.

Yes there are asbolute scum men, however 4 of my male friend wifes wandered, so it is not an exclusive club.

I forgot to add do you seriously think no one would blink an eye at a 15 year old boy committing murder, a gay man and his partner torturing and killing a toddler or a male nursery worker abusing a baby and photographing it.

I don't know anyone who would react like that. I find that idea really troubling.

@Bleakhouser

I wasn’t referring to cheating, I was talking about war, sexual violence, aggression, abuse, murder.

But the majority of casualties of war are innocent men (I don’t mean soldiers on the other side, I mean innocent civilian men - this fact is often overlooked given that it is of course true that women suffer much more from rape and sexual assault during wars).

Also, the majority of victims of violent assault are other usually innocent men. Virtually every one of my male friends had to deal with a violent attack on at least one occasion while in their teens/early twenties by some scumbag group of young males looking for trouble.

Similarly the victims of murder are usually other men.

Anyway - the answer is better funded schools, better communities with less deprivation, better policing, and better parenting (also of course linked to parental education and income). All stuff that will take a long time, require massive effort, and huge investment - as it’s all been allowed to rot for many decades. Unfortunately the UK now throws up useless politicians who are either intellectually incapable of solving it, sleezy populist showmen who couldn’t give a shit as they just want fame and money, or puppets of the elite who couldn’t give a shit as their wealth protects them from reality.

My Dh is a good man , he has had to put up with some crap from my family too. However he has road rage and gets angry and we row but it's a good relationship where we support each other equally & talk things over eventually and apologise and mean it . I don't ever see my 2Dds ever having what we have though.

@Basecampzero If everyone agreed with each other on here that men are all awful, no one would even look at these boards, just because many of us disagree with your view isn't horrendous it's just the way we think, you need to accept that other people have different views to yours.

The thing I find most depressing is that so many of us had hope that the world was getting better for women in the 90s (I am not saying it was perfect then - far from it - but we had some reasons to be optimistic) and now there seems to be such misogyny
and vile hatred of women.

And more violence such as “family annihilation” otherwise known as brutal murder.

That is certainly the impression we get through the news anyway and the incidence of domestic abuse seems worse than ever as does the treatment of rape by the judiciary.

There was a piece this morning on ITV about women MPs receiving much more on-line hate than their male counterparts. If we just analyse that single fact … why is this happening? It presumably points to a resentment of women gaining increasing power and influence? Most but not all of the hatred is on-line and it makes you wonder whether men felt resentment all along and the Internet has just made it easier to express, or whether it is a more recent phenomenon along with the incel movement?

Either way, as a mother of teen and young adult daughters, I am worried for them. They do have good male role models in their lives who work hard and do specific tasks at home, but even within the realm of what we consider a good husband or father or to be, there are almost without exception women behind the scenes carrying the mental load and making it all work.

I think to some extent the problem is that people are trying to fit into boxes that perhaps don't really make sense - most people are looking for "til death do us part monogamy", but there isn't any evidence that this is a natural, healthy, nor especially enjoyable thing for humans to endure. And most people seem pretty crap at it, so maybe it isn't the right thing to strive for in the first place.

I think incidents like these involving women are much more likely to make the news and be remembered in public consciousness.

Men's abuse of women and children generally doesn't get reported in the press as it would take up the whole newspaper.

Yeeees some woman are like this also, but.. she’s not in an intimate relationship with a woman.. 🙄

@FellPuck precisely

😆

Perhaps you should read my post again and note the mention the fact that most rapists and sexual abusers are not convicted.

<insert inane emjoi here>

Same here

Many people are dreadful but that's men and woman.

I Must be very lucky. I have only personally found lovely people men and women.

I don't associate with dick heads

@Basecampzero

What a load of stereotypical nonsense

If course it isn’t. Studies have shown that men, on average, masturbate about three times as frequently as women. That’s not a small difference, it’s a huge difference. To dispute that men in general naturally think about sex more than women is absurd. The evidence is absolutely overwhelming.

This is an absolutely BS argument that essentially denies that women have agency and choice at all. Poor Myra Huntley, just an innocent puppet of Ian Brady etc. Are women just puppets for men to pull the strings of?

I lived overseas in a completely different culture, which has changed my attitude to marriage. I am also married to someone whose mother is from another culture, unrelated to where we lived, and she seems to have a similar mindset.

It is just my observation that Western women seem to go for looks and lust, whereas other cultures put more emphasis on other traits. So, for example, in one place I lived young women openly talked of finding a man who can provide them with the 5 Cs of Cash, Car, Condo, Club and Credit. I used to think this was awful, but they seem to know something we didn't, that most men are ultimately selfish and can't be trusted, so make sure you find one that gives you a return on your investment. I heard it being described as a contact, you give me this, and I'll give you that. This didn't mean that people married men they didn't love, or find attractive, it was just that these practicalities were taken heavily into consideration. You don't see that here.

My MIL has often said that you should marry someone who is rich, it doesn't matter what they look like. I used to be shocked by this, but as I got older I can see that she too thinks men are generally a nasty bunch and if you have to put up with it, you may as well get compensated for it.

Not saying it is a good thing, just a different take on relationships.

@RadioactiveWear I think that's common where women can't earn as much as men. Once you can earn your own stuff, why put up with crap from some bloke? Hence why it's important women can't be independent hey ... or else the men might have to behave better.

There are worse things than being single and well-off with your own income