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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:07

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:06

It's like saying that all of any particular race, colour, creed are evil, they're not, some are, some are not.

No it isn't.
Race is about skin melanin and is an entirely arbitrary human construct.

Sex is about biology and is found in all sexually reproducing animals.

You actually sound quite racist now.

Oh give over... that's such a fucking reach you r really made yourself look stupid Grin

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 21:08

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:03

It's a moot point seeing as 98% of reported rapes result in precisely nothing for the alleged rapist.
Once that's sorted I'll start being bothered about the tiny fraction of women who have sex with men without consent.

Show quote history

If it was moot we wouldn't be debating it. I'd like to see evidence of the 98% statistic you give. We don't know if it is a tiny fraction or a large number of women who do this. Your views on the subject are not really the point here.

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:09

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 21:06

Don’t worry at least they’re not coming at you with “YoUrE uSeRnAmE iS dIsGuStInG” like they did to me yesterday 🙄😂

Show quote history

I worked in a bars all through uni.
There was a man who used to switch to gin and tonics at a certain point of the night and would suddenly get a manic grin before running outside to vomit in the bushes.
I used to think “Ah Paul is here for his grin and vomit with lemon”

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:09

Hmm. Did I or did you?

It's hard to tell isn't it, one argument being based on statistics and evidence, one being based on anecdata and random assertions.

Anyway it's been ages since I had a deranged row with a misogynist on here. I feel strangely nostalgic.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:09

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:09

I worked in a bars all through uni.
There was a man who used to switch to gin and tonics at a certain point of the night and would suddenly get a manic grin before running outside to vomit in the bushes.
I used to think “Ah Paul is here for his grin and vomit with lemon”

Show quote history

😂

5128gap · 17/02/2023 21:10

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:58

@AdamRyan I don't want my DH, DSs, male friends and relatives hounded because of the deeds of other men.

It's like saying that all of any particular race, colour, creed are evil, they're not, some are, some are not.

I'll never educate you as you hate men, because of some. .....

We've even had a recent post on MN saying "men smell" I mean FFS!

Who would be hounding them? Seriously?
I can't imagine the good men in your life are going to be reading a bunch of posts on MN, and if they were, surely (being good men) they'd be reacting with sympathy for what women have suffered, not taking it as a personal insult.
If men are not cheats, rapists, abusers, why on earth would they have anything to fear from women talking about men who are?

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:11

I really haven't kept up properly as been with my non abusive friends. What is happening with Pissy Flaps and Vomit?

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:13

@5128gap I was referring to PPs requests for men

To be tagged

To be not allowed out after dark

To be curfewed three days a week

Not about reading MN.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:13

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 21:08

If it was moot we wouldn't be debating it. I'd like to see evidence of the 98% statistic you give. We don't know if it is a tiny fraction or a large number of women who do this. Your views on the subject are not really the point here.

Show quote history

There you go
Actually I was being generous - 1% of reported rapes resulted in charge, less than that in conviction

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/#:~:text=Only%201%20in%20100%20rapes,the%20lowest%20since%20records%20began.

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:14

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:11

I really haven't kept up properly as been with my non abusive friends. What is happening with Pissy Flaps and Vomit?

It’s been 11 minutes since your last post…

5128gap · 17/02/2023 21:14

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:13

@5128gap I was referring to PPs requests for men

To be tagged

To be not allowed out after dark

To be curfewed three days a week

Not about reading MN.

Ah, I see!

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:14

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:14

It’s been 11 minutes since your last post…

Show quote history

😂

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 21:15

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:09

Hmm. Did I or did you?

It's hard to tell isn't it, one argument being based on statistics and evidence, one being based on anecdata and random assertions.

Anyway it's been ages since I had a deranged row with a misogynist on here. I feel strangely nostalgic.

Who are you addressing here?

If you use the @ it helps.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:16

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:14

😂

Show quote history

11 minutes is a long time on these sort of threads.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 21:17

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:11

I really haven't kept up properly as been with my non abusive friends. What is happening with Pissy Flaps and Vomit?

You can …. Maybe read the thread???

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:18

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:14

It’s been 11 minutes since your last post…

Show quote history

Seriously though. If you have such a professional job, are you allowed to just be dominant of these sort of threads?

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:18

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:18

Seriously though. If you have such a professional job, are you allowed to just be dominant of these sort of threads?

Show quote history

Pardon?

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:19

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 21:17

You can …. Maybe read the thread???

Show quote history

OK Pissy Flaps

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:20

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:18

Seriously though. If you have such a professional job, are you allowed to just be dominant of these sort of threads?

Show quote history

Sorry, do you mean you think only people in “non-professional” (whatever that means) jobs should be allowed on mumsnet?

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:21

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:18

Pardon?

Show quote history

Either answer or don't. Why parden,?

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 21:22

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 21:13

There you go
Actually I was being generous - 1% of reported rapes resulted in charge, less than that in conviction

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/#:~:text=Only%201%20in%20100%20rapes,the%20lowest%20since%20records%20began.

Show quote history

Well done with that. It's actually the number of rapes that get a conviction within a year but yes, it looks like a pretty good source. I agree there. I won't go into the issue of false accusations but I think most people would admit the conviction rate is terrible.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:25

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 21:20

Sorry, do you mean you think only people in “non-professional” (whatever that means) jobs should be allowed on mumsnet?

Show quote history

I think if I was a professional therapist I would do my job but not get carried away on Mumsnet.

I would think I have not met these people and assessed them.

So are you a professional or not?

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 21:27

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:19

OK Pissy Flaps

Show quote history

Well done on figuring out my play on words😂

But seriously, why do angry and defensive? I thought you were having a lovely evening with your amazing husband and all your non-abusive friends?

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:31

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 21:27

Well done on figuring out my play on words😂

But seriously, why do angry and defensive? I thought you were having a lovely evening with your amazing husband and all your non-abusive friends?

Show quote history

We've left our friends at we do early doors after work. Do you want to know the the movements of me & DH? We are just doing stuff.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 21:33

I've just hugged the dogs. Put TV on. Etc