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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 20:21

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:13

@Spiderboy not all women have been harassed

I genuinely don’t know 1 female (friend, family member, colleague) who has has never been sexually harassed or made to feel uncomfortable by a man.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:22

@FlissyPaps I genuinely know loads that haven't.

But I have a wide circle of friends over a lot of years.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:24

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:19

AdamRyan

What is bollocks is you twisting what I have posted.

I didn't say that women don't work nights, I said that those that come up with bat shit solutions like curfews don't want to work nights (etc.) and come up exceptions so that they wouldn't have to.

Even with these hypothetical solutions they are not thinking things through.

Not many people want to work nights. Are you suggesting men are more selfless in taking on night shifts?
Because I think the facts are women work more nights, if you include looking after children as a job.
Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 20:25

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:12

I do feel for you and realise that not everyone's lives have mapped out the same. I have just had drinks with Husband and friend couples and had a really nice time.

Then again I will be accused of being smug.

I have had other things to deal with which I can't go into detail because I already think I've gave too away and don't want to be recognised.

Even though I've disagreed with posters I know everyone has different feelings.

I do dislike one poster who I hope I never come across again.

Show quote history

Then hopefully you now realise how comments like “I’ve met a great man. You just need to persevere” & “All the men in my life are great” are not helpful or encouraging.

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:26

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:24

Not many people want to work nights. Are you suggesting men are more selfless in taking on night shifts?
Because I think the facts are women work more nights, if you include looking after children as a job.
Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

Show quote history

Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

More sexism from you. the hypocrisy is astounding.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:26

@AdamRyan if women BF then it kinda bad goes with the territory to "work" nights, because it's women's work?

But that is and always will be a choice.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:28

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:26

Although I'm guessing you only mean manly work

More sexism from you. the hypocrisy is astounding.

Show quote history

I'm.not being sexist. I'm being anti-MRA

This idea that men do all the dirty/difficult/dangerous/antisocial work is an MRA trope designed to sound reasonable when actually it's demonstrably factually incorrect.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:30

@AdamRyan if a man called women "Karen's"
Would you think them sexist? (I would and would call them out on it BTW!)

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 20:30

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:15

@GrinAndVomit

I have had more abuse of you than anyone since 29 years ago

Give over 😂😂😂

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:32

@GrinAndVomit are you calling @PartridgeInAChair a liar? Really?

You don't think a women knows her own mind?

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:33

While you are frantically MRA typing, I'm going to post counters and we'll cross over

  1. women are overrepresented in nursing and care work: shifts, often involving clearing up bodily fluids
  2. prostitution is the most dangerous occupation- considered a job when you are talking about penis wants but not a job when you are talking about danger
  3. when you include caring women work much longer hours than men.
  4. many armies round the world have women in front line service and we haven't had conscription in the UK since the 50s
  5. MRAs don't understand how to analyse data and just think that gobbledegook stats sound clever, not realising that gasp there are plenty of intelligent women out there who can spot their bullshit from a mile off
PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:34

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 20:30

Give over 😂😂😂

Show quote history

You are not a nice person.

God help the women you are trying to help.

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:34

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:28

I'm.not being sexist. I'm being anti-MRA

This idea that men do all the dirty/difficult/dangerous/antisocial work is an MRA trope designed to sound reasonable when actually it's demonstrably factually incorrect.

Show quote history

You are certainly reading more (making shit up) from what I wrote.
But then you are very good at that.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:34

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:30

@AdamRyan if a man called women "Karen's"
Would you think them sexist? (I would and would call them out on it BTW!)

Eh? What are you talking about?

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 20:35

of course I am not being entirely serious about tagging men and enforcing curfews but if some of you here think women are not the underdog in a war with men everyday, you’re wrong. We know it’s not look ALL men. But almost ALL women are victims of men in some way. That includes the men that remain “respectful” but turn a blind eye to their friends abusive or misogynistic behaviour like it’s some kind of harmless boys club.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:36

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 20:30

Give over 😂😂😂

Show quote history

Why do you not get that since my abusive relationship I have been treated amazingly?

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:36

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:33

While you are frantically MRA typing, I'm going to post counters and we'll cross over

  1. women are overrepresented in nursing and care work: shifts, often involving clearing up bodily fluids
  2. prostitution is the most dangerous occupation- considered a job when you are talking about penis wants but not a job when you are talking about danger
  3. when you include caring women work much longer hours than men.
  4. many armies round the world have women in front line service and we haven't had conscription in the UK since the 50s
  5. MRAs don't understand how to analyse data and just think that gobbledegook stats sound clever, not realising that gasp there are plenty of intelligent women out there who can spot their bullshit from a mile off

What's the male to female ratio in the army? Do we still have national service?

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:38

Awww. I thought someone would have posted about how many men get conscripted and killed on oil rigs
Obviously MRA rhetoric has moved on.....

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:40

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 20:35

of course I am not being entirely serious about tagging men and enforcing curfews but if some of you here think women are not the underdog in a war with men everyday, you’re wrong. We know it’s not look ALL men. But almost ALL women are victims of men in some way. That includes the men that remain “respectful” but turn a blind eye to their friends abusive or misogynistic behaviour like it’s some kind of harmless boys club.

Is your not being entirely serious, what parts do you actually mean?

This is a discussion on a forum and it's hard to distinguish between crazy and totally bat shot crazy!

My DH (lovely he is) does the late night dog walk, should I Amazon prime a tag for him to arrive tomorrow or not?

Liz1tummypain · 17/02/2023 20:40

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 19:49

And of course women can rape and assault men
Actually in the UK women can't rape men. It is a crime that requires a penis.

According to the law only a biological man can commit rape, yes. A woman can still force or compel a man to have penetrative sex, to whatever extent that may be though. The relative strengths of each person would clearly play a factor. You can call it sexual assault if you like but it's actually on a par with rape.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:44

Is it liz? I'm not really sure it actually is. There is a power/,strength imbalance plus risk of physical damage from penetration which is very different between men and women

Do you think a man raping a man is as bad as a woman forcing him to have penetrative sex?

FrippEnos · 17/02/2023 20:44

AdamRyan

So you are not only arguing points that I haven't made but are name calling as well.

That is very grown up of you.

CBA

Have fun.

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:45

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 20:40

Is your not being entirely serious, what parts do you actually mean?

This is a discussion on a forum and it's hard to distinguish between crazy and totally bat shot crazy!

My DH (lovely he is) does the late night dog walk, should I Amazon prime a tag for him to arrive tomorrow or not?

Show quote history

As he is lovely he would have no problem getting and keeping a penis license. And would be able to walk the dog whenever he liked.

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 20:45

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:34

You are not a nice person.

God help the women you are trying to help.

Show quote history

I think I’ve actually been very restrained.

Here is a few highlights of what you’ve been directing at me

“not all women are as strong as some.”
which I commented was a smug and revolting attitude to have toward women who suffer domestic abuse.

“You have some serious issues.”
“You have an attitude problem”
“sorry that I have found good men and you haven't”
“I think you are deranged.”

Accusations of me being the perpetrator of domestic abuse multiple times

As well as one comment which was deleted by mumsnet (not reported by me)

I’ve not responded in any way at your level.
You need to grow up.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 20:46

@GrinAndVomit

If you have such a professional job helping abused women should you really be on the Internet arguing with women?

You obviously feel like some of us are deranged and are calling us out.

Professionally you shouldn't be nasty to these woman.

Mental health etc.

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