Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 16:14

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 15:56

From someone who uses the term aloud instead of allowed, I believe I have a point!

I'll explain for you though....

I never said you were lying, I merely said that someone insinuated that I was lying, so therefore it negates my points. I said so can I suggest that @FlissyPaps is lying?

I used the term *

suggest*

verb
1 1. 
put forward for consideration."I suggest that we wait a day or two"

If you scroll back on the posts, the person saying that those saying it's not my Nigel is saying it's a pointless waste of time, ie don't bother coming on saying that good men exist.

Thank you for trawling four pages of posts to find that quote of mine, you have an immense amount of time on your hands.

You have no point. Sadly. This isn’t a quiz or an opportunity to pull up peoples spelling. What is the point in that?

Anyway, you still haven’t given an example when someone ANYONE on this thread has tried to silence women. Have you?

So I will suggest you are talking complete nonsense when you say posters are trying to silence women.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 16:15

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 15:57

@FlissyPaps and the discussion is no longer about the OPs posts it's gone past that, totally!

Thanks for pointing that out to all of us who have selective reading and comprehension issues 😘

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:28

@FlissyPaps

I think when posters are telling women that they do not know their Husbands after many years and they shouldn't trust them makes my opinions feel silenced.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 16:30

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:28

@FlissyPaps

I think when posters are telling women that they do not know their Husbands after many years and they shouldn't trust them makes my opinions feel silenced.

Exactly, I have been asked to explain how my husband is good also am I sure? I mean bloody hell, women do know their own mind and yes, I am sure.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 16:34

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:28

@FlissyPaps

I think when posters are telling women that they do not know their Husbands after many years and they shouldn't trust them makes my opinions feel silenced.

Who has said that women don’t know their own husbands and shouldn’t trust them?

I’m intrigued to know.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:35

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 16:30

Exactly, I have been asked to explain how my husband is good also am I sure? I mean bloody hell, women do know their own mind and yes, I am sure.

Show quote history

Talking to us like we are stupid and are being manipulated by owe Husbands. The person who if I'm sad about something is the first person I think to talk to.

When all we were doing was telling the OP that not all men are awful.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:39

I haven't got time to look but one of the posts a poster did say something like that the woman who have such good men in their lives must have low expectations.

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 16:40

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 16:14

You have no point. Sadly. This isn’t a quiz or an opportunity to pull up peoples spelling. What is the point in that?

Anyway, you still haven’t given an example when someone ANYONE on this thread has tried to silence women. Have you?

So I will suggest you are talking complete nonsense when you say posters are trying to silence women.

Show quote history

It's not a spelling error, it's grammatical, two completely and totally different meanings.

Yes I have.

Ok, if you say so.

HTH

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:42

The whole not my Nigel just distracts from important conversation and adds nothing, so it's pointless waste of time.

Another one.

So don't mention the good ones, we just want a thread slagging the bad ones.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:43

Also, women twisting other women's words because they don't agree with them.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 16:48

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 16:40

It's not a spelling error, it's grammatical, two completely and totally different meanings.

Yes I have.

Ok, if you say so.

HTH

Show quote history

From someone who uses the term aloud instead of allowed, I believe I have a point!

Seems like a spelling one to me, but okay😂

There really is not point in trying to insult posters by their spelling/grammar. It’s just childish and enforces your complete hysteria.

5128gap · 17/02/2023 16:53

Pointing out that saying 'not my Nigel' isn't relevant or helpful isn't trying to silence anyone though is it? It's simply a comment on the percieved value of the comment.
If I were to go on to a thread about the cost of living crisis where the OP made the statement 'Times are really hard for people', for example, and posted 'Well not for me! I have more than enough money to pay my bills and have a couple of holidays lined up, so I disagree' Then I'm fairly certain I'd swiftly be told that my contribution added little of value to a discussion about financial hardship. But I wouldn't be being silenced unless I was reported and deleted.
Not seeing the value in a contribution is not the same as preventing a person from making it.

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 16:54

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:42

The whole not my Nigel just distracts from important conversation and adds nothing, so it's pointless waste of time.

Another one.

So don't mention the good ones, we just want a thread slagging the bad ones.

No one is saying we want a whole thread slagging off the bad ones.

Posters are saying that posts such as “My Nigel is one the good ones” or the similar ones - really don’t help. It adds absolutely nothing to the discussion.

I’ve said countless times before. People know not all men are awful. We 100% know that. The issue is, we don’t know which men are the awful ones.

Posters getting defensive and worked up by posting “Oh well my DH is lovely” “The men in my life are all great” “women are equally as bad” doesn’t help.

Now this isn’t me or anyone else trying to silence you. Or any woman.

We are just simply stating that posts like “not all men are awful” adds absolutely no value to the discussion and does not encourage women to give guys a chance when they have been treated so poorly in the past.

How many more times do I need to spell this out?

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:56

5128gap · 17/02/2023 16:53

Pointing out that saying 'not my Nigel' isn't relevant or helpful isn't trying to silence anyone though is it? It's simply a comment on the percieved value of the comment.
If I were to go on to a thread about the cost of living crisis where the OP made the statement 'Times are really hard for people', for example, and posted 'Well not for me! I have more than enough money to pay my bills and have a couple of holidays lined up, so I disagree' Then I'm fairly certain I'd swiftly be told that my contribution added little of value to a discussion about financial hardship. But I wouldn't be being silenced unless I was reported and deleted.
Not seeing the value in a contribution is not the same as preventing a person from making it.

I don't agree at all.

The OP was saying that she had had some rubbish relationships with awful men BUT had met someone who seemed nice.

It is relevant for posters to come on and say that they have met a nice man and OP's new man might be nice too.

Some of the posters just wanted a slagging men off thread and got cross when it didn't go that way.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:57

How many more times do I need to spell this out?

How many times do I have to spell out what I was saying.

To be fair, OP listed to the ones like me so have a think about that!

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:59

@5128gap

OP decided to give him a chance.

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:59

Have a good weekend folks!

FlissyPaps · 17/02/2023 17:02

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:56

I don't agree at all.

The OP was saying that she had had some rubbish relationships with awful men BUT had met someone who seemed nice.

It is relevant for posters to come on and say that they have met a nice man and OP's new man might be nice too.

Some of the posters just wanted a slagging men off thread and got cross when it didn't go that way.

Show quote history

When women have been treated so poorly in the past by men and have been abused, assaulted and cheated on- reading posts like “I have met a nice man” isn’t really helpful or encouraging.

It implies the woman who have not yet met a nice man are doing something wrong. That they are not preserving. That they are choosing the “wrong” men.

Nobody wants a slagging men off thread. It’s incredibly childish and defensive to even suggest that.

Women are tired of being treated like shit by men. Society views women very differently to men. Statistically men are more likely to have a criminal record. Men are more likely to abuse. Men are more likely to murder.

So of course some women are going to slag off men. Sorry if that offends you and all the great men in your life.

5128gap · 17/02/2023 17:06

PartridgeInAChair · 17/02/2023 16:59

@5128gap

OP decided to give him a chance.

I know she did, I read the update...?

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 18:49

When women have been treated so poorly in the past by men and have been abused, assaulted and cheated on- reading posts like “I have met a nice man” isn’t really helpful or encouraging.

Oh course it is, it's saying that there are nice men out there, lots of them.

It implies the woman who have not yet met a nice man are doing something wrong. That they are not preserving. That they are choosing the “wrong” men.

That's your way of thinking, it's not what's meant. Nobody can think for you though.

Nobody wants a slagging men off thread. It’s incredibly childish and defensive to even suggest that.
*
This and many other threads are just that, those are the facts!*

Women are tired of being treated like shit by men. Society views women very differently to men. Statistically men are more likely to have a criminal record. Men are more likely to abuse. Men are more likely to murder.

That's true, but again a lot of men won't do any of that. Fact!

So of course some women are going to slag off men. Sorry if that offends you and all the great men in your life.

I don't really think you are, you just want every woman to feel like you do about men.

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 18:50

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 18:49

When women have been treated so poorly in the past by men and have been abused, assaulted and cheated on- reading posts like “I have met a nice man” isn’t really helpful or encouraging.

Oh course it is, it's saying that there are nice men out there, lots of them.

It implies the woman who have not yet met a nice man are doing something wrong. That they are not preserving. That they are choosing the “wrong” men.

That's your way of thinking, it's not what's meant. Nobody can think for you though.

Nobody wants a slagging men off thread. It’s incredibly childish and defensive to even suggest that.
*
This and many other threads are just that, those are the facts!*

Women are tired of being treated like shit by men. Society views women very differently to men. Statistically men are more likely to have a criminal record. Men are more likely to abuse. Men are more likely to murder.

That's true, but again a lot of men won't do any of that. Fact!

So of course some women are going to slag off men. Sorry if that offends you and all the great men in your life.

I don't really think you are, you just want every woman to feel like you do about men.

What is your problem with women discussing their mistreatment and abuse at the hands of men?

GrinAndVomit · 17/02/2023 18:57

And of course, women pointing out potential red flags?

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 18:59

Everyone I read the news I ask myself why we don’t have men on some kind of electronic tag system. It’s horrific really and men do not care

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:00

Spiderboy · 17/02/2023 18:59

Everyone I read the news I ask myself why we don’t have men on some kind of electronic tag system. It’s horrific really and men do not care

All men? Don't be ridiculous!

Tags

Days when they are curfews for them

Jesus fucking Christ!

IndiaDreamer · 17/02/2023 19:15

@GrinAndVomit nothing wrong with discussing it, but don't question my thoughts.... which is what's happened on here.

I will not be silenced!