....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

[TrainteaAnnie]

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

Some men are awful, some are not.

May you be selecting / attracting unsuitable men?

Either way, the most important thing to ensure is that you throw them back quickly.

I don't believe you. I bet he's a nervous wreck.

By the way what is your Husband like?

Is he is as lovely as my Nigel? (Obviously he's not called Nigel really).

It’s worrying that you think a woman being outspoken and informed about abuse means her husband is controlled and voiceless.
Why do you think this?

It's not worrying. Nigel knows perfectly well that I'm outspoken and informed about abuse.

I have experience.

Why do you think this?

I'm not paying you to be my therapist.

Also, you can twist anything a person says - anything!

I bet he is treading on eggshells. He's scared!

Why is your initial response to women speaking about abuse and pointing out potentially troubling language used by a man to be angry at that woman and to denigrate her?

It is unusual I think for someone to move from a suspicious stance to a trusting stance in 24 hours on the basis of one conversation, as op has done.

I also worry a bit about some of the things she said:
It's my responsibility to manage my anxieties in relation to my past experiences with men.
I don't think it's fair to be with someone while not trusting them, that risks a toxic situation.
I know the onus is on me to get past these insecurities but that I wanted to be honest with him incase I stumble along the way.
I do want to be in a loving, trusting relationship. So I've got to work on myself

She's taking on an awful lot of responsibility for making the relationship work when it's quite early days and she doesn't know him yet.

Certainly at this point feeling the need to "work on oneself" would be a sign the relationship wasn't entirely healthy, to me.

You've no idea, the OP has written 3 posts!

I'm not angry.

You can not see me.

I think you have a wonderful job.

Your job is not to stalk women on the internet to tell them after they have decided to give the guy a go that they are making the wrong decision.

I don’t know why you’re so angry and venomous towards women speaking about male on female abuse but I won’t take your verbal attacks or insinuations personally.

I think you are angry though.

So - I have been in a abusive relationship 2.5 years - now in a very loving one 20 years. In between I had good relationships.

You spouting off that most men are awful is not what I've experienced.

The only person who is annoying me is you!

Not the other women who are talking about their bad experiences.

Ok ☺️

Verbal attacks ????

You have called me smug, revolting and a few other things that I can't remember.

Yes I did. Your replies were smug and revolting. You stated that “some women just aren’t as strong” as you, implying women in abusive relationships are just not doing enough.
I stand by it.

I didn't mean that. You were twisting what I meant. People don't always say things exactly how you would say it.

I meant after 2.5 years I found the strength to get rid of him. I wasn't saying other people weren't strong. I was only young, had no children and had a place to go.

I'm not going to let you upset me like you did yesterday.

I have bad memories. I also have a loving relationship with a good man who saved me from deep depression when I lost my Brother.

I don't think you as nice as you think you are.

I didn't mean your Mum wasn't strong. How is she by the way?

You help women but are nasty to others because they don't agree with you.

@IndiaDreamer

Can I suggest, for example @FlissyPaps is lying? Intimate that I doubt her with a, is that really true?

Lying about what?

Please quote where I, or any other poster has tried to “silence” women?

Another on me with selective reading abs comprehension issues, I never said you tried to silence me?

And for those you want to know who did, go back through the post, you find the time to do that, I'm not going too.

Anyway OP has updated, so decision has been made.

That is really sad and I realise not all women are as strong as some.

Honestly, I'm done with this thread however I want to clear this up.

I meant - some women have been in such a bad relationship and they may have children, nowhere to go, very frightened might not feel they can leave their abusive partner. Meaning their strength has been knocked out of them and they feel helpless.

I didn't mean anything superior about this. I wasn't being revolting or smug.

I was lucky (again not being smug) that I was young, childless and my parents house to go to. I was stalked after which was frightening. I'm not to give away anything else.

I think the poster who called me these names should have realise that not everyone can type 100% correctly when they are talking about an emotional subject.

I apologise to anyone I offended.

Just glad OP is feeling better.

You keep attempting to insult posters by saying we have selective reading and comprehension issues, but you fail to answer simple questions.

What am I lying about?

Because you posted: Can I suggest, for example @FlissyPaps is lying? Intimate that I doubt her with a, is that really true?

You have continuously said posters are trying to silence women. 1 Example:

You posted yesterday at 16:05: Stop trying to silence other women.

So please, quote where I OR anyone else has tried to silence women?

Because I am failing to see where any poster has tried to silence women. And that’s not because of comprehension issues, unfortunately for you.

Anyway OP has updated, so decision has been made.

Ok so let’s shut the whole discussion down then? How very mature.

From someone who uses the term aloud instead of allowed, I believe I have a point!

I'll explain for you though....

I never said you were lying, I merely said that someone insinuated that I was lying, so therefore it negates my points. I said so can I suggest that @FlissyPaps is lying?

I used the term *

suggest*

verb
1 1. 
put forward for consideration."I suggest that we wait a day or two"

If you scroll back on the posts, the person saying that those saying it's not my Nigel is saying it's a pointless waste of time, ie don't bother coming on saying that good men exist.

Thank you for trawling four pages of posts to find that quote of mine, you have an immense amount of time on your hands.

@FlissyPaps and the discussion is no longer about the OPs posts it's gone past that, totally!

OP, I don't think all men are like this. It's just that it takes a long time to get to know someone, and then you get to know the real them 4 months in, good or bad or in-between. Their actions, not their words.

There are decent men and women out there, too🙂