....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

[TrainteaAnnie]

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

I agree with this. Women pull men up, men pull women down. En masse.

1 Man - About 0.001% of men who I have known. Yes, it is too much but it is not MOST.

0.0001% of men you’ve known intimately enough to make that judgement?

Everyone thinks my step dad is the most, polite, hospitable, gentle laid back man in the world.

Spoiler… he’s not

That is very sad. What is your Mum doing about it?

Nothing.
He’s not beating her to a pulp like she saw her dad do to her mum. He’s a saint in comparison.

She’d actually be very likely to be one of the women on here spouting “not my Steve. He’s never hit me and he mops the floor every Saturday.”

Meanwhile he controls all her friendships (or lack of), what she eats, what opinions she has and on and on

That is really sad and I realise not all women are as strong as some.

I ended up punching my ex in the face. Then the very last time he was horrible to me my dad ended up punching him and that was it - gone! We don't usually behave like this by the way.

I suppose when you have had nearly all men being protective over you like my Dad, my two Brothers, Granddad and now my DH it is hard to hate men. Even I broke up with the first man I lived with we parted as friends.

So yes, I have learnt from this thread that I'm lucky in some ways.

I'm going to carry on trusting my DH though and if it all goes tits up then I will have to deal with it.

I think one of the big things is there are far more women who are relatively content with a nice home, a family and enough to be ok , without needing a constant sexual buzz or scheming (in not good ways) to make more money , rather than just working hard and moving up. I think there are large swathes of men who are naturally restless, always looking for a sexual hit , or booze or a money hit (gambling, crypto etc). They don't get that the majority of women don't want this in their lives. That's why hard working and loyal men without a ton of major vices stand out

You didn’t get rid of him because you were strong.
You got rid of him because he didn’t decide to punch you back and because you had the back up of another male.
This wasn’t a test of “strength”

I meant I got rid of him because I told him to fuck off out of my life and he begged me for ages to go back and I moved on with my life. I didn't put up his shit. I got rid. I have never been treated bad since.

You have some serious issues.

You have an attitude problem. I was trying to be nice. So sorry that I have found good men and you haven't.

Your last two posts made me laugh out loud.
Thank you

I think you are deranged.

So all the women who get murdered AFTER they leave their partners are just not strong enough?
Jesus. You’re so clueless

Why on earth have you mentioned Megan Fox? Because she's very beautiful? So beautiful people shouldn't have relationship problems? Maybe Megan and MGK are both bad for each other, maybe their personalities aren't suited? Maybe they have realised that sexual attraction alone doesn't make a great relationship.

My sibling is incredibly beautiful, has had relationships with many celebrities and very handsome men and even has Hollywood Actors in her contacts. But she is a perpetual dater - unlucky in love with men who constantly cheat on her and treat her like shit - because she allows them to. She goes for good-lucking guys who like having power over her, who love the attention of other women. They have all had awful personalities. Her priorities/traits in a man are not great IMO. Until she changes that she's going to keep falling for the same awful type of partner.

There are great men out there, there are great women out there. They just haven't found each other yet.

I didn't mean that.

If you are angry that your Mum is being treated badly but she puts up with it I can understand. I don't mean she is not strong but why does she stay with him?

I'm probably going to get a load of abuse now.

That’s exactly what you’re saying in a very arrogant and very ignorant and very passive aggressive, smug manner.

I'm really not. If you are worried about her why don't you help her leave him?

That is really sad and I realise not all women are as strong as some.

So sorry that I have found good men and you haven't

A couple of your highlights from just this one page

I work in domestic violence. I’m really not the person to be lecturing on this.
Even in a faux ignorant/ concerned voice.

I thought you might.

So you work in domestic violence and you believe that there are no humans with a penis that are actually good people?

In your mid thirties all the decent ones are spoken for / gay or are truly awful and therefore single
by the time you get to mid forties / early 50’s the divorced but decent ones start to emerge

I’ve got a decent late 40’s chap. They are out there ( kissed a few frogs tho)

No I know there are good ones. I also know that you don’t know which ones are good. Sometimes you don’t find out for a really long time. Sometimes you don’t find out until you’re pregnant or married to them.

What I do know is, women speaking about how amazing the men in their life are as if it’s reflection on other women because they’re making poor decisions or not being strong enough or being paranoid is very unhelpful (I’m being polite here).

You’re dismissing the undeniable imbalance of power males have over females. You’re equating your good fortune with being strong and “being lucky I guess” smug grin and shrug of shoulders

As someone who sees, on a daily basis, the sometimes fatal outcome of male on female violence, I find your dismissive and smug attitude to be revolting.

(I’m being polite here).

Thanks.

I don't think it matters what I say now as you are very angry.

I think if anyone who is unsure about getting into a relationship with a man then you are the right person to put them off of ever speaking to a man again never mind dating them.

There is no point in any other posters saying there are good men out there.

The ones I seem to meet, well it always goes the same way. Despite trying to safeguard my feelings somehow they managed to find a way in. I beat myself up for exercising caution because it doesn't seem fair to them when they have done nothing to deserve it, I let my guard down just a little then bam they get what they want from me ( or they don't and maybe that's the issue) and the messages /phone calls dry up. Suddenly they are physically and emotionally unavailable leaving me trying to work out what I've done wrong. Am I misreading the the situation/being unfair. And despite my best efforts the pull back usually makes me realise just how strong my feelings for them were and I'm left feeling like I lost something/someone I never really had.

The one time I tried to pick a more sensible stable choice which took 15 years of my life I didnt realise til It ended just how much of myself I'd shut off just to get through it. I should have remained shut off I guess though because I think i just repeated the first scenario

I don't think it's necessarily men in modern times. I think all of this kind of stuff has likely been going on decades, but the rise of social media has meant that its a lot more visible these days. And also just to say, women can behave like this too.