....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

[TrainteaAnnie]

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

Perhaps all the women who know so many good men, the standards aren’t the best

Really? Men are human too.

I know a young man who has cancer and he is one of the sweetest human beings I know. Yes, I have a few sad stories. This is because I have a full life where I meet lots of people.

Don't right off all the males, there are some great ones out there.

I find that really strange that you think not many women have experience harassment and assault.

Because all my female friends have also experienced so much sexual harassment and ill treatment from men we genuinely need several hands to count every incident. It’s not rare. It’s a really big problem in society.

I really don’t care if you think my username is weird. Please get over it. It isn’t that deep it’s a play on words.

I never said you were a horrible person. I just think it’s really naive to throw around “not all men are awful” like it’s something to be proud of and believe it’s a statement that will help the issues that women currently face in society.

Mostly how casual they are about their hatred (which they don’t even recognize as hatred) towards women.

Have you read the whole of this thread? The irony-meter has just exploded.

I have no idea what your last paragraph is meant to be saying?

Because as @JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain points out this isn't a man hating thread is it?

The irony!

There's abuse, yes, and then there's abuse, rape and murder, let's not minimise and excuse things here. Read the news.

👆

What do you want me to do to help?

It is hard when the men you have in your life are great.

Men in my life are also great (at least I would like to think so), however, I am also aware that statistically, I am very likely to know at least one who raped someone. Since most men I know seem like lovely guys on the surface, I think it is safe to say that some of them are hiding some darker stuff that we just don't know about.

Again, I am pretty sure about my closest family members, but in a slightly wider circle, god knows...

To speak to the great men in your life about the current issues that women face in society.

To encourage them to talk amongst their male peers and family members.

To encourage them to challenge harassment and misogyny from their male peers.

To stop believing posts like “My DH is great” “I know lots of great men” is something positive.

To really understand that it’s not about hating all men. We know not all men are awful, we honestly truly know that. We just don’t know who the awful ones are. That’s it!

Sarah Everard didn’t know Wayne Couzens was awful. She trusted him. She trusted his position of power.

Bobbi-Anne McLeod didn’t know Cody Ackland was awful. She was simply waiting for a bus when that monster attacked her with a hammer.

Zara Aleena didn’t know Jordan McSweeny was awful. She was walking home mining her own business when this complete stranger murdered her.

These are only 3 cases that stick out to me in the recent couple of years but it’s not hard to find more.

I can’t think of any recent case where a woman has completely by random, murdered an unknown man. Do you?

I know I’m not even going to get through to a lot of you. You find it funny to laugh at my grammar and choice of username. I’m out.

@DoomedForLoneliness i know loads of lovely men!!

Any thoughts on these women killed by their partners or ex partners in 2020?

Abida Karim
Amy-Leanne Stringfellow Aneta Zdun
Ann Mowbray
Aya Hachem
Balvinder Gahir
Bea Walker
Bhavini Pravin
Bibaa Henry
Caroline Kayll
Caroline Walker
Cherith Van Der Ploeg
Claire Parry
Clare Nash
Dawn Bennett
Dawn Fletcher
Debbie Zurick
Deborah Jones/Hendrick Denise Keane Barnett Simmons Elsie Smith
Emma McParland
Esther Egbon
Gemma Marjoram
Gian Kaur Bhandal
Gwendoline Bound
Helen Almey
Helen Bannister
Hyacinth Morris
Jackie (Jacqueline) Hoadley Jadwiga Szczygielsk
Janice Child
Janice Woolford
Jasbir Kaur
Judith Rhead
Karolina Zinkeviciene
Kate (Katherine) Bevan Katie Walker
Kelly Fitzgibbons
Kelly Price
Kelly Stewart
Kimberly Deakin
Li Qing-Wang
Lorraine Cox
Louise Aitchison
Louise Smith
Lynda Cooper
Magdalena Pacult
Mandy Houghton
Margaret Johnson
Maria Howarth
Marie Gladders
Marta Vento
Mary Haley
Maryan Ismail
Maureen Kidd Melissa Belshaw Najeeba Al-Ariqy Stella Frew
Nelly Mustafa
Nicole Smallman
Nikoleta Zdun
Paula Leather
Poorna Kaameshwari-Sivaraj Rhonda Humphreys Rosemary Hill
Ruth Brown
Ruth Williams
Saman Mir Sacharvi
Sarah Smith
Shelly Clark
Silke Hartshorne Jones
Suzanne Winnister
Tracey Kidd
Valerie Jozunas
Vian Mangrio
Victoria Woodhall
Wendy Morse
Yvonne 'Vonnie' Lawson McCann
Zahida Bi

Its just hard to say to my DH that he needs to speak to every man he know about this.

He is living his life being a kind, funny and hard working human.

I don't know the answer but I'm still going to big him up because he is the person that puts me first and I'm happy with.

My DH and both my DS are good men, sorry you've not got them in your life but I'm certainly glad they're all in mine!

this is so revoltingly patronising.

I have good men in my life, a father who has been a solid source of support and encouragement my entire life, a DH who adores me and has allowed me to thrive and two sons who are growing into fine young men.

But the situation is clear. Men as a class are grim. Most of my friends have been treated badly by men at some point.

This ranges from those who have been raped to those who are subjected to disgusting sexist banter and misogyny at work.

when I see posts from people like @PartridgeInAChair smugly pronouncing how lucky they are to be surrounded by only good men, as if that speaks to their minds own superior character, I can’t help but wonder if you’re one of the women married to the myriad men I have known in my career who shag their pupils (bar not school) and/or associates; occasionally hooking up with clients and other colleagues whilst maintaining a facade of decent-ness outside of work.

How sad. What an incredibly patronising slap in the face to all women who have experienced abuse, harassment and assault from men.

Men turning a blind eye to their peers because they themselves are kind, funny and hard working humans.

What a sad sad state of this utterly grim society.

The time will come one day when this rage about men will stop. Probably because the key expectation that women should be in a relationship with a man will stop being a thing that is expected.

40 per cent of women in the UK are not having long term relationships under the age of 50. This is a choice being made, it's not "you didn't meet the right man" it's called not looking.

Young women can afford to be choosier than ever. Good for them. You won't cure bad men. But you can make choices now that our mothers and grandmothers could only have dreamed of.

So fucking funny.

You couldn't be more far off from the truth.

You sound bit jealous how amazing our marriage is. He is the most down to earth, unpretentious hunan being.

I don't even know what myriad means- going to Google.

You sound jealous.

Who are the pupils?

This thread is definitely proof that all men benefit from the abusive men in society because so many women lauding men in their proximity for doing the bare minimum, being a decent human being and not being violent as if that deserves a Nobel peace prize. Because being a half decent human being as a man means you can get away with saying at least I'm not one of those guys and you are so lucky to have me and that's exactly what people are doing here.

Yeah, he doesn't do his share in the household or get a lot of things right, but he isn't out cheating, or abusive to me so he's the world's best husband/friend whatever, when the bar for the women in your life is so much higher.

The bar for men is literally in hell.

I cannot stand men. Honestly they make me feel sick 99.5% of the time.

When women say "my DH is different" I can't help but laugh. Yes... of course he is. 🤣

It must be completely exhausting living with so much hatred inside you.

when I see posts from people like @PartridgeInAChair smugly pronouncing how lucky they are to be surrounded by only good men, as if that speaks to their minds own superior character, I can’t help but wonder if you’re one of the women married to the myriad men I have known in my career who shag their pupils (bar not school) and/or associates; occasionally hooking up with clients and other colleagues whilst maintaining a facade of decent-ness outside of work.

My DH works on a building site with men. Not many pupils, clients etc to shag but I'll let him know I'm on his case incase he accidently finds himself sexually assaulting someone on his lunch break.

So, you know their DHs better than them, do you? Yes, of course you do. 🙄