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Original poster

....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

855 replies

TrainteaAnnie · 15/02/2023 08:03

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust..
One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday.
I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to.
And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage.
In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman.
It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful.

Help!

OP posts:
IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:58

WilsonMilson · 15/02/2023 20:58

My DH is bloody lovely.
My ex DH was also a decent guy, but we just grew apart - no skeletons in his closet or any bad behaviour. Still friends now.

Not all men are shit.

👏 👏

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:00

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:53

@FlissyPaps sorry I didn't realise you had comprehension issues.

That he has a point that women can be vile, that he was not mansplaining.

Maybe if he womansplained it would make it easier to you?

Could you womansplain to me what the issue was with his post?

Comprehension issues give over 😂😂😂

This “fellas” comment was 100% mansplaining. It wasn’t at all helpful or productive.

This isn’t about “all men are bastards”. We know not all men are bastards. We know that! The fact is, we don’t know which ones are bastards. We don’t know which ones are going to go on to abuse us. To harass us. To be unfaithful.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain’s comment “This might come as a massive shock to some on here but a lot of women aren't perfect either” is typical mansplaining, condescending.

Like that’s useful to the discussion on how statistically it’s mostly men who harass women. It’s mostly men who financially abuse women. It’s men who inflict coercion, physical and sexual violence on women.

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:03

DH just said "You fancy a night away?". I looked at him and said "Don't be so fucking horrible, you fucking low life penis person".

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:05

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 20:58

We will never agree.

The men in my life wouldn't be friends with another male if they were mistreating a woman. Infact only tonight my DH and our male friend were saying that a woman we know deserved better than her partner. They have said if to him too.

I actually think some women love the man hating gangs.

Don't take the piss out of us who have good men in our lives.

As for the "I'm so glad I'm a lesbian" women. Good for you. I'm never going down that road.

I'm sorry if some of you haven't found decent men. Perhaps you hung around the bad ones too long. Be strong and get rid of the shit ones and stop dwelling on it.

Show quote history

How am I taking the piss out of people who have good men in their lives?

I also have good men in my life. But I don’t go round crying oh my DH would never do that, don’t tar all men with the same brush, I know some lovely men. Wah wah waaaah.

The point is, yes not all men are bastards
, it’s the fact that we don’t know which ones are bastards.

So yes, we will never agree because the measly comment of ”The men in my life wouldn't be friends with another male if they were mistreating a woman.”. Because you do not know that for certain! You don’t.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:05

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:03

DH just said "You fancy a night away?". I looked at him and said "Don't be so fucking horrible, you fucking low life penis person".

Total bastard..... are you ok?

Mine bloody made dinner tonight, walked the dog and cleared up.... I'd had a shite day at work... he is a bastard though!

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:06

@FlissyPaps the whole post is about saying all men are awful....... it's kinda in the title?

Is that womansplaining?

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:08

I also have good men in my life. But I don’t go round crying oh my DH would never do that, don’t tar all men with the same brush, I know some lovely men. Wah wah waaaah.*

So because we state something positive we are crying oh my DH would never do that?

We honestly are not allowed to say a word....

Women silencing women......

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 21:09

Any thoughts on Taylor Schabusiness who decapitated her boyfriend last year?

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:10

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:05

How am I taking the piss out of people who have good men in their lives?

I also have good men in my life. But I don’t go round crying oh my DH would never do that, don’t tar all men with the same brush, I know some lovely men. Wah wah waaaah.

The point is, yes not all men are bastards
, it’s the fact that we don’t know which ones are bastards.

So yes, we will never agree because the measly comment of ”The men in my life wouldn't be friends with another male if they were mistreating a woman.”. Because you do not know that for certain! You don’t.

Show quote history

Nothing is for certain.

You have a minging username by the way.

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:10

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:08

I also have good men in my life. But I don’t go round crying oh my DH would never do that, don’t tar all men with the same brush, I know some lovely men. Wah wah waaaah.*

So because we state something positive we are crying oh my DH would never do that?

We honestly are not allowed to say a word....

Women silencing women......

You don’t get it.

It’s not about not being aloud to say something positive. It’s the fact that the positive statements of “my DH is lovely” “don’t tar all men with the same brush” are not helpful. Sorry but they aren’t.

I’ll repeat my point. Yes, I know not all men are awful. It’s the fact that we don’t know which ones are.

You only have to read the OP’s opening post. She explains it well.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

It's allowed not aloud!

🙄

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:11

Women silencing women.....

This.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

It's allowed not aloud!

🙄

Although you do seem to shout out a lot! K

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

It's allowed not aloud!

🙄

Although you do seem to shout out a lot!

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:12

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:10

Nothing is for certain.

You have a minging username by the way.

Show quote history

Yes nothing is for certain. So you don’t know for certain that the men in your life wouldn't be friends with another male if they were mistreating a woman.

I don’t give a crap if you think my username is minging, bit of a weird comment to make😂

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:13

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

It's allowed not aloud!

🙄

That's for you @FlissyPaps

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:13

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:11

Although you do seem to shout out a lot! K

Show quote history

I simply don’t care. K

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:14

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:12

Yes nothing is for certain. So you don’t know for certain that the men in your life wouldn't be friends with another male if they were mistreating a woman.

I don’t give a crap if you think my username is minging, bit of a weird comment to make😂

Show quote history

Just carry on living your paranoid life.

Yes, your username is shit. You are making stupid comments so I thought I'd join in.

DoomedForLoneliness · 15/02/2023 21:15

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:41

Well you wouldn't find it on MN, do you frequent male forums?

I've only defended my DH and DSs, I would never dream of coming on here (as I said in my first post) to just say they were great, the vipers would kill me.

I do know my DH talks about me positively in his work place, that's always been apparent from the few meetings I have had with his colleagues.

Show quote history

do you frequent male forums?

Yes, that’s why I’d like to find out if there are any men who defend or step-up to women, any woman, be it the womwn in their lives or in general.
Never seen it, it’s all awful, men tend to pile on and say the most horrendous thing one could imagine.

I don’t doubt there are very few good men, of course there has to be, maybe one day I see / hear of them.

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:16

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:05

Total bastard..... are you ok?

Mine bloody made dinner tonight, walked the dog and cleared up.... I'd had a shite day at work... he is a bastard though!

Show quote history

I'm fine. He knows not to speak to me unless I let him. He knows I know he might kill me at anytime.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 21:19

@DoomedForLoneliness no I don't frequent male forums.... I'd find them boring I'm sure.

Yeah maybe you'll find a decent man, they're really not so far and few between.

Apart from my immediate family, I've loads of friends who are happily married to lovely men, lots of make colleagues past and present.

Honestly, reading this post, I think a lot of MNs live in a totally world to me

But, I'm happy in mine.

I honestly can't say I've met many bad men in my (quite old) years.

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:21

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:14

Just carry on living your paranoid life.

Yes, your username is shit. You are making stupid comments so I thought I'd join in.

Show quote history

Paranoid life?

Paranoid because I’ve suffered multiple sexual assaults and been sexually harassed by men more times than I can count in my 30 years of life. The first time I was 11 years old. The latest was last week when I was leaving a hospital appointment by 2 workmen who decided to shout obscenities and wolf whistle.

Yes, these men are probably some poor woman’s “lovely” husband or son.

You may think my comments are stupid but it will be nowhere near as stupid as a grown ass adult attempting to insult someone over the choice of their internet forum username.

DoomedForLoneliness · 15/02/2023 21:24

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:46

To all the posters who are clearly oblivious, stating unhelpful comments like: “My DH is lovely” “My male friends are great” “The men in my life would never cheat” “I am raising my sons to be great men”

Do you truly believe these men talk to their fellow men about male on women violence? Do you truly believe these men call out their friends when they are harassing and catcalling women? Do you truly believe that? Do you believe they are making a difference in society???

Because if they don’t have these important discussions and call out their fellow men on their bullshit and misogynistic behaviour then they are part of the problem.

The “Not All Men” narrative is so tiring.

I think this is it.
I agree with your list.

(And I’d personally would add watching porn / using sex workers to pretty much number 1 criteria weather or not man is decent or not)

But I think this isin’t even that much about good men / are there any / how many, but about standards.
Perhaps all the women who know so many good men, the standards aren’t the best.

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 21:29

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 21:21

Paranoid life?

Paranoid because I’ve suffered multiple sexual assaults and been sexually harassed by men more times than I can count in my 30 years of life. The first time I was 11 years old. The latest was last week when I was leaving a hospital appointment by 2 workmen who decided to shout obscenities and wolf whistle.

Yes, these men are probably some poor woman’s “lovely” husband or son.

You may think my comments are stupid but it will be nowhere near as stupid as a grown ass adult attempting to insult someone over the choice of their internet forum username.

Show quote history

You've had a really shit time but you have to realise this is not what many women have experienced.

I hope you have have/had help to deal with your past.

Your username is weird. To me you have swapped letters around to read Pissy Flaps. I don't know anyone who would use this. Especially someone who had been sexually assaulted. I may be a bigger prude than I thought.

I'm not a horrible person. I just don't hate all men.

DoomedForLoneliness · 15/02/2023 21:30

@IndiaDreamer

no I don't frequent male forums.... I'd find them boring I'm sure.

Boring isin’t the word anyone would use.
More like terrifying.
Mostly how casual they are about their hatred (which they don’t even recognize as hatred) towards women.

But it is amazing you know so many lovely (that is a strong compliment - that goes beyond a ’good man’) men, sounds like you are a anomaly.