Page 15 | ....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

TrainteaAnnie · 2023-02-15T08:03:16+00:00

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust.. One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday. I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to. And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage. In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman. It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful. Help!

DelilahBucket · 15/02/2023 19:46

Some are, some aren't. I had three awful relationships before marrying. One drug and gambling addict, one seeing me while still with his pregnant girlfriend (unbeknown to me and even asked me to move in with him) and one abusive, coercive, gaslighting little shit.
My now DH isn't any of those things. We've been together for nearly 12 years.

Knight900 · 15/02/2023 19:49

saraclara · 15/02/2023 14:31

Even the good ones really aren’t

Seriously @PorpoiseWithPurpose , if you were male you'd be on incel boards with that kind of attitude.

You've written off 50% of the population there. No wonder mumsnet is seen as a man hating site when this misandrist garbage is accepted and cheered on.

Well said saraclara 🙌

Cailleachian · 15/02/2023 19:51

Heteropessimism

Its a thing.

thenewinquiry.com/on-heteropessimism/

Knight900 · 15/02/2023 19:53

Elsiebear90 · 15/02/2023 15:34

Honestly, I’m so glad I’m a lesbian, because men as a group are awful. There are a few truly decent men out there, but imo they are few and far between. Even the men you think are good often hold misogynistic views that are surprising.

My dad recently disclosed that he thinks deep down all women don’t want to work and want to just stay at home and be taken care of by men. He also thinks it’s okay for men to sleep around, but not women, because it’s in a “man’s nature”, but not a woman’s. He’s retired and has fallen down the Ben Shapiro YouTube rabbit hole. My dad has always done 50:50 of the housework and was very hands on childcare, is a gentleman, treats my mum with respect, has been so supportive of my career, so I never would have thought he would hold such views.

My brother recently told me how he thinks his friend who now has a double barrelled name is a “wet blanket” “under the thumb” “not a real man”for taking his wife’s name, apparently a real man would never double barrel his name and he wouldn’t have married my SIL if she didn’t drop her name and take his, again I was totally shocked as was my SIL, his wife.

Found out my FIL, who I previously thought was a very good guy cheated on his ex wife with prostitutes.

My best friend’s husband turned out to be a useless waste of space alcoholic, we all thought he was a lovely guy, he doted on her and would do anything she asked, as soon as their child was born he changed completely and is now emotionally abusive and does absolutely nothing around the house or with their child.

I don’t know if I’ve ever even known a guy that didn’t hold some kind of sexist or misogynistic view and/or wasn’t lazy with housework or childcare, it’s really depressing.

I know so many amazing women now who have decided to stay single because they are fed up with men.

You really need to get a life and stop generalising not to mention projecting outright prejudice towards half the population.

You just sound thoroughly stupid and poorly educated.

Maybe try and enlighten yourself?

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 15/02/2023 20:00

Knight900 · 15/02/2023 19:53

You really need to get a life and stop generalising not to mention projecting outright prejudice towards half the population.

You just sound thoroughly stupid and poorly educated.

Maybe try and enlighten yourself?

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Absolutely spot on. 👏

Schleep · 15/02/2023 20:03

"Women are like this too"

20% of men, on average, cheat on their spouse, compared to 13% of women

73% of crime is committed by male offenders

93% of murderers are men

96% of child molestors are men

Men are 3 times more likely to be in a road traffic accident than women

For every female character in a film, there are on average 2.24 men

90% of domestic abuse cases have the man as the abuser

91% of sexual assault victims are women

99% of sexual assault convicts are men

Fentylipgloss · 15/02/2023 20:04

I had one who I adored. He promised me all the things I wanted/needed to hear. He broke my heart. I am still struggling after nearly 2 years to get over him. He to me, was the man I wanted forever, however he lied and never wanted the same. (Throw in infidelity, a few lies and some gaslighting).

TheCatsMakethTheHome · 15/02/2023 20:24

Maybe the problem is that monogamy is not natural for human beings. Marriage especially. Its function is outdated. The original purpose of marriage was an economic one. Biologically men are programmed to stay with a women through childbirth and up until the child is two years of age to ensure a good chance of the child surviving. Think back to Stone Age times.

Moser85 · 15/02/2023 20:25

Pyewhacket · 15/02/2023 09:11

TrainteaAnnie, I know quite a few men who hold exactly the same opinion of women, and with good reason.

I know a few men who hold this opinion about women, even though the men themselves are scumbags who treated women awfully, which is why the women left them.

My ex (who treats women appallingly) told my son the only and most important advice he would give him about women is to never trust them!

He did this after his ex was caught talking to another man, however she had been totally devoted to him and obsessed with him until he put her through a lot of trauma.

Weirdly my ex actually told me he said that to my son, he has a serious lack of self awareness or even common sense awareness 😂he thought I'd be happy or something that he was saving my son from ever being hurt by a woman.

Luckily I could then speak to my son about what had happened and correct the disgusting and harmful misogyny.

My ex is a fantastic liar also and everyone believes everything he says, no doubt everyone thinks he's been unlucky with women even though he's abusive and an absolute nightmare!

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:32

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 15/02/2023 16:12

Fella here. I'm currently single by choice and, frankly, I'm happy to stay that way for the rest of my life as I've had enough of doing my best to be the perfect partner. My previous partner was a covert narcissist and previous partners prior to her had psycho issues too.

This might come as a massive shock to some on here but a lot of women aren't perfect either.

Do I think all women are awful? No, of course I don't. Neither are all men.

Classic mansplaining.

DoomedForLoneliness · 15/02/2023 20:34

Men are truly blessed, that’s all I have to say.
I hope that for every one of these women defending and telling how wonderful the men in their lives are, there is a counterpart man telling how wonderful women are.
Personally, never seen that. And I hope one of the women at least will come and say that their husband/son defend women all the time. Please let me see that 🤞🏼
I want a little proof decent one’s can be real!

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 20:39

DoomedForLoneliness · 15/02/2023 20:34

Men are truly blessed, that’s all I have to say.
I hope that for every one of these women defending and telling how wonderful the men in their lives are, there is a counterpart man telling how wonderful women are.
Personally, never seen that. And I hope one of the women at least will come and say that their husband/son defend women all the time. Please let me see that 🤞🏼
I want a little proof decent one’s can be real!

I only defend the ones who I have a relationship with because I know them. I also know they would defend me. DH, DS, DF other DB and my friends.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:41

DoomedForLoneliness · 15/02/2023 20:34

Men are truly blessed, that’s all I have to say.
I hope that for every one of these women defending and telling how wonderful the men in their lives are, there is a counterpart man telling how wonderful women are.
Personally, never seen that. And I hope one of the women at least will come and say that their husband/son defend women all the time. Please let me see that 🤞🏼
I want a little proof decent one’s can be real!

Well you wouldn't find it on MN, do you frequent male forums?

I've only defended my DH and DSs, I would never dream of coming on here (as I said in my first post) to just say they were great, the vipers would kill me.

I do know my DH talks about me positively in his work place, that's always been apparent from the few meetings I have had with his colleagues.

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 15/02/2023 20:45

Luckydip1 · 15/02/2023 08:09

Maybe we all need to lower our expectations, men think with their dicks so it's no surprise that they are unfaithful, maybe that's what we need to accept to avoid unnecessary suffering.

I hope this is sarcastic!

CTRALTDEL · 15/02/2023 20:45

I thank the dear Lord every day that I’m a lesbian! I seriously don’t know how straight women put up with some of this shit.
as friends men are much easier to deal with, I love my male friends, but there’s no way I’d want to be in a romantic relationship with them. They’re clueless half the time.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 15/02/2023 20:46

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:32

Classic mansplaining.

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BOOM! You don't like me expressing facts that don't fit your agenda?

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:46

To all the posters who are clearly oblivious, stating unhelpful comments like: “My DH is lovely” “My male friends are great” “The men in my life would never cheat” “I am raising my sons to be great men”

Do you truly believe these men talk to their fellow men about male on women violence? Do you truly believe these men call out their friends when they are harassing and catcalling women? Do you truly believe that? Do you believe they are making a difference in society???

Because if they don’t have these important discussions and call out their fellow men on their bullshit and misogynistic behaviour then they are part of the problem.

The “Not All Men” narrative is so tiring.

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:48

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 15/02/2023 20:46

BOOM! You don't like me expressing facts that don't fit your agenda?

Show quote history

BOOM! I think your “facts” are classic mansplaining and really unhelpful and unproductive.

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:49

@FlissyPaps BOOM I think he has a point! But it doesn't fit with the MN agenda of all men are bastards!

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:50

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:49

@FlissyPaps BOOM I think he has a point! But it doesn't fit with the MN agenda of all men are bastards!

And what point is that please?

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:53

@FlissyPaps sorry I didn't realise you had comprehension issues.

That he has a point that women can be vile, that he was not mansplaining.

Maybe if he womansplained it would make it easier to you?

Could you womansplain to me what the issue was with his post?

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 15/02/2023 20:53

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:48

BOOM! I think your “facts” are classic mansplaining and really unhelpful and unproductive.

Show quote history

Really? Of course my FACTS are really unhelpful and unproductive to you because they go directly against your agenda. "You have a penis therefore you're a bastard!!"

Good grief. 🙄

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 20:58

FlissyPaps · 15/02/2023 20:46

To all the posters who are clearly oblivious, stating unhelpful comments like: “My DH is lovely” “My male friends are great” “The men in my life would never cheat” “I am raising my sons to be great men”

Do you truly believe these men talk to their fellow men about male on women violence? Do you truly believe these men call out their friends when they are harassing and catcalling women? Do you truly believe that? Do you believe they are making a difference in society???

Because if they don’t have these important discussions and call out their fellow men on their bullshit and misogynistic behaviour then they are part of the problem.

The “Not All Men” narrative is so tiring.

We will never agree.

The men in my life wouldn't be friends with another male if they were mistreating a woman. Infact only tonight my DH and our male friend were saying that a woman we know deserved better than her partner. They have said if to him too.

I actually think some women love the man hating gangs.

Don't take the piss out of us who have good men in our lives.

As for the "I'm so glad I'm a lesbian" women. Good for you. I'm never going down that road.

I'm sorry if some of you haven't found decent men. Perhaps you hung around the bad ones too long. Be strong and get rid of the shit ones and stop dwelling on it.

WilsonMilson · 15/02/2023 20:58

My DH is bloody lovely.
My ex DH was also a decent guy, but we just grew apart - no skeletons in his closet or any bad behaviour. Still friends now.

Not all men are shit.

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 15/02/2023 20:58

IndiaDreamer · 15/02/2023 20:53

@FlissyPaps sorry I didn't realise you had comprehension issues.

That he has a point that women can be vile, that he was not mansplaining.

Maybe if he womansplained it would make it easier to you?

Could you womansplain to me what the issue was with his post?

She clearly does have comprehension issues. The fact that she replied to me with blatant sexism seems to have gone over her head.