Page 10 | ....to think men are, sorry, but AWFUL

TrainteaAnnie · 2023-02-15T08:03:16+00:00

Straight woman, mid thirties. Have had three 3 year relationships. Everyone one seemed like the 'nice' guy, the kind you can trust.. One caught with porn addiction, one found dm'ing other girls on social media, one outright cheated while drunk on a lads holiday. I'm dating a lovely man now, but I honestly just had this feeling like... It's inevitable, at some point, he's gonna be like all the rest. I can't trust him although he's not given me reason not to. And then there's life, every night I come on Mumsnet and read another horror story of some poor married woman, often with young DC completely blindsided by a discovery of infidelity. Or a woman married for 40 years to her best friends finding out he's used prostitutes for their entire marriage. In the news, Megan Fox being cheated on. That horrid situation with Joe Westerman. It's everywhere, endlessly. Men driven by their dicks ruining women's lives. Women who trust and love them. It makes me feel ok physically sick thinking about it all. I feel like I never want to talk to this guy I'm dating again even though, maybe 10 years ago, I'd be in love with him. I just emotionally can't do it anymore. Men are awful. Help!

SamanthaCaine · 15/02/2023 10:40

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 15/02/2023 10:39

Oh God. You lost me at “mother in law from hell.”

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Why, because it doesn't fit your narrative?

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 10:42

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:35

I got to the point now where I don't even want to make eye contact with men when I'm out. I just blank them, keeping awareness of their rough shape so I don't bump into them. Sometimes if they are staring hard at me and I accidentally look I feel disgusted. It doesn't matter how good looking or not, I just know 9/10 they are assessing my fuckability and sexual worth. I know in their eyes I'm reduced to physical appearance which is why I dress modest and androgenous even though I love frilly, feminine fitted styles. I wear dark loose, oversized clothes often without make up or just concealer for my enormous eyebags. I actually feel safer when I walk with DH or with my DC but even this doesn't stop men hitting on me, even at children's activities, even when my DH is there. If there is a need to communicate with a man I keep it to a minimum and send DH to deal with him. I physically feel repulsed when I see men flirting or hitting on women specifically middle aged men hitting on teens and twenties women. I think all the news about policemen were the last straw for me. If my DH dies or we separate I wouldn't have a relationship with a man ever again even though I'm straight.

Really?

81% of my colleagues are men. I love coming to work and don't feel scared at all.

I get on great with my Friends Husbands.

My DH is my best friend & I love my DS.

MaryMcCarthy · 15/02/2023 10:42

Yeah but regardless of whether these men are ugly or sexy, they always seem to be judging her on appearances!

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 10:46

but even this doesn't stop men hitting on me, even at children's activities, even when my DH is there

Are they really hitting on you, or is this all in your head?

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 10:48

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:35

I got to the point now where I don't even want to make eye contact with men when I'm out. I just blank them, keeping awareness of their rough shape so I don't bump into them. Sometimes if they are staring hard at me and I accidentally look I feel disgusted. It doesn't matter how good looking or not, I just know 9/10 they are assessing my fuckability and sexual worth. I know in their eyes I'm reduced to physical appearance which is why I dress modest and androgenous even though I love frilly, feminine fitted styles. I wear dark loose, oversized clothes often without make up or just concealer for my enormous eyebags. I actually feel safer when I walk with DH or with my DC but even this doesn't stop men hitting on me, even at children's activities, even when my DH is there. If there is a need to communicate with a man I keep it to a minimum and send DH to deal with him. I physically feel repulsed when I see men flirting or hitting on women specifically middle aged men hitting on teens and twenties women. I think all the news about policemen were the last straw for me. If my DH dies or we separate I wouldn't have a relationship with a man ever again even though I'm straight.

You must be either insanely attractive or insanely paranoid.

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:50

MaryMcCarthy · 15/02/2023 10:39

It doesn't matter how good looking or not, I just know 9/10 they are assessing my fuckability

When you say it doesn't matter how good looking or not you're admitting that you're assessing their fuckability too. A swingeing lack of self awareness from you.

Not really, it was in anticipation of idiotic comments I've read online that women are only repulsed if the attention is from an unattractive guy.

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:53

@PartridgeInAChair good for you. Long may it last. All in my head? I'd have thought most women recognise when a man is leering, seen as it's been happening for many of us since puberty.

@GoodChat You don't have to be either to experience this. If you're a woman, I'm happy that my and many experience's with men sound foreign to you. Hope your life continues like this.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 10:57

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:53

@PartridgeInAChair good for you. Long may it last. All in my head? I'd have thought most women recognise when a man is leering, seen as it's been happening for many of us since puberty.

@GoodChat You don't have to be either to experience this. If you're a woman, I'm happy that my and many experience's with men sound foreign to you. Hope your life continues like this.

Sorry but if you think men are regularly hitting on you with your husband present then you do.

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 10:58

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:53

@PartridgeInAChair good for you. Long may it last. All in my head? I'd have thought most women recognise when a man is leering, seen as it's been happening for many of us since puberty.

@GoodChat You don't have to be either to experience this. If you're a woman, I'm happy that my and many experience's with men sound foreign to you. Hope your life continues like this.

Thanks.

I still think a lot of the leering is in your head though.

KattyKattyKatz · 15/02/2023 11:00

2bazookas · 15/02/2023 10:22

@KattyKattyKatz Think about when marriage was created . It was only meant to last 15 -20 years tops.

What makes you think that?

Because people didn't live long as they didn't have the medicine and nutrition we have now

ButterflyOil · 15/02/2023 11:01

In my experience a good deal of people are shit generally. The difference is, when men have been shitty to me it’s been almost entirely sexually related (gross comments on OLD, pushing for sex too soon, assault, being so dick led it has impacted their decision making). When women have been shitty to me it’s been for various reasons - jealous, competitive, general bitchiness etc. I’ve had plenty of shit behaviour from women as well as men but have never felt physically or sexually threatened or attacked by a woman.

LizzieW1969 · 15/02/2023 11:05

I can understand why the OP feels that way. A lot of men are like that. My F sexually abused my DSis and me. (He died 25 years ago, thankfully.) My DM had no idea and it was a horrible shock when we told her a few years ago, as she’d really believed that he was a loving husband and father. (Although he was very controlling towards her, looking back.)

My DSis’s first husband was abusive towards her. I've also known a few friends with bad relationships.

So I've voted YANBU, because she is talking about her own experience of men.

And yet, my DSis and I are both happily married now, with families, and the majority of my friends appear to have found decent men, too.

So it really isn't the case that there aren’t decent men out there. But that doesn't mean that there aren’t far too many men who are not.

MaryMcCarthy · 15/02/2023 11:06

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:50

Not really, it was in anticipation of idiotic comments I've read online that women are only repulsed if the attention is from an unattractive guy.

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Not really what? She's actively judging them on appearances and she came on here admitting that she judges them on appearances. It's fairly unambiguous.

Barney60 · 15/02/2023 11:07

Agree with a lot of comments previous, had a really bad marriage with a total twat, said im done with men, bought my own home worked 3 jobs while daughter went through uni, met 11 years later a wonderful man, THE best! sadly hes passed away now ,but, he taught me there are some good ones out there.
Just all mums, if you have sons, bring them up to respect woman, to be kind and caring and to help around the home.

MaryMcCarthy · 15/02/2023 11:09

How can a woman who is repulsed by eye contact with ANY man raise a boy to be a decent, well adjusted man? Surely her neuroticism will brush off in some way?

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 11:19

@MaryMcCarthy I don't think you've read my comment closely enough to understand what I was saying.
I've always thought it's not much of an argument if you base it on misquotations. Anyway, if you are a woman, I'm ecstatic though sceptical that your life experience is so different. On the other hand, if you are a man, then that explains a lot.

TrishM80 · 15/02/2023 11:23

Just become a nun or a lesbian, then.

MissMaple82 · 15/02/2023 11:23

Dinkeigh · 15/02/2023 08:07

Women are also like this!

Yes, yes, women are like it too, but let's face facts shall we, the majority of adulterers, are male!

MissMaple82 · 15/02/2023 11:24

Women commit crimes, but the majority if crimes are committed by MALES!!!!

MissMaple82 · 15/02/2023 11:25

plumduck · 15/02/2023 08:35

A quick Google brings up many articles saying actually women have started many wars

Are you for real 🤣🤣

pd339 · 15/02/2023 11:25

Women cheat just as much

theadultsaretalking · 15/02/2023 11:26

I think if we could read the inner thoughts of even the good ones, we would be horrified at what we might find. They are just better at keeping the impulses in check. I don't think the same level of depravity will be found inside a female brain.

I do have a hope for the latest generation of boys though, there is definitely a shift that I can see in my son's thinking.

ButterBastardBeans · 15/02/2023 11:26

WizardOfAus · 15/02/2023 10:28

I would recommend all mothers of boys read this book. It's really helped me think about the ways in which I'm raising my boys.

www.amazon.co.uk/Boys-Will-Be-Patriarchy-Masculinity/dp/1786076632

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This was what my post upthread was meant to address.

Women, in the large part, have far more influence on kids than the father. Maybe something needs to change in the way kids are raised.

I agree with the OP and others. There are far more awful men out there than awful women. I love my DH but if I am ever single, nothing would get me back into a relationship with another man.

x2boys · 15/02/2023 11:28

Sometimeslwonder · 15/02/2023 10:35

I got to the point now where I don't even want to make eye contact with men when I'm out. I just blank them, keeping awareness of their rough shape so I don't bump into them. Sometimes if they are staring hard at me and I accidentally look I feel disgusted. It doesn't matter how good looking or not, I just know 9/10 they are assessing my fuckability and sexual worth. I know in their eyes I'm reduced to physical appearance which is why I dress modest and androgenous even though I love frilly, feminine fitted styles. I wear dark loose, oversized clothes often without make up or just concealer for my enormous eyebags. I actually feel safer when I walk with DH or with my DC but even this doesn't stop men hitting on me, even at children's activities, even when my DH is there. If there is a need to communicate with a man I keep it to a minimum and send DH to deal with him. I physically feel repulsed when I see men flirting or hitting on women specifically middle aged men hitting on teens and twenties women. I think all the news about policemen were the last straw for me. If my DH dies or we separate I wouldn't have a relationship with a man ever again even though I'm straight.

You sound incredibly arrogant .

PartridgeInAChair · 15/02/2023 11:28

@TrainteaAnnie If this is how you feel I'd end it. It's not fair on the guy you are dating. It's not all about you. He could be a lovely bloke. Not ALL men are awful.