Mum gone ballistic!

[Pandermonium]

So my daughter just had her 11th birthday, she asked to have her hair cut (was down to her bum, but getting dry and ratty).
In town so decided to let her do it, she chose a style and had it cut below her shoulder. It looks beautiful and she's really happy with it.
Her grandmother saw it (my mum) and blew her top. Saying she didn't want it cut and made my daughter cry.
I told her she was out of order, it's not her hair and not her decision.
She has now blocked me.
So who's being unreasonable?

YABU: you went against the grandmothers wishes, shouldn't have allowed her to cut her hair.
YANBU: your daughter, your choice.

your dm is being ridiculous and utterly childish. You ur dd is by far old enough to make the decision about her hair herself. She asked for it to be cut. You are her parent and allowed it. Grandma gets no say.

The grandmother sounds unhinged. Arguably if her hair was dry, ratty and that long it should have been cut months ago. Have confidence that you made the right choice in supporting your daughter.

Your daughter probably felt special and grown up with having her hair cut in a lovely style she was happy with. Her grandmother's comments will, unfortunately, stay with her forever. She has ruined a nice moment for your daughter and possibly damaged their relationship irreparably. I know from experience of something similar.

Is your mother a controlling narcissist?

my mum used to pull stunts like this, she once didn’t talk to me for six months because I bought a car without running it past her first. I lived by myself and was totally independent. Lots of controlling behaviour and tantrums. It’s not normal

That's your Dad's choice to make OP. He could come to visit at your house without your Mum.

If she wouldn't allow that more fool him. Don't back down this time, enough is enough.

Such people deliberately ruin happy moments. It is one really obvious way to find out someone's narcissistic behaviour. If the focus is not on them, they make on them by any means.

Emotional vampires.

That's crazy op. Yanbu.
I went bum.length to chin length at 12. Instantly more me. Loved it.

Your mother sounds truly venomous. Who the actual fuck does the crazy twat think she is? Glad you’re going to protect your children from her viciousness.

OP, you must have had a very bad time as a child to be entertaining your mother's point of view for even a single second. She is a toxic granny as well as a toxic mother, and I wouldn't necessarily stop contact with her, but I'd keep it to a minimum and 'grey rock' her so you can still see your dad (though he has enabled her behaviour). I can't imagine any universe in which family members "block" one another, so I can only think she is unhinged.

Your mum needs to but out.

Very long hair is very hard work! It takes a lot of time to wash and condition, it is a nightmare and often painful to brush out, and it takes forever to dry. Unless it's third back or plaited all of the time, it gets tangled and knotted at the slightest breeze or energetic activity. It can get in the way when you are doing things.

AND - at 11 she is old enough to decide if she wants a neat, more sophisticated hairstyle (and it's not as though she's demanded a crew-cut).

I'll bet she looks gorgeous, and feels much freer without her very long hair.

I feel VERY sympathetic to your daughter right now! She’s had all the warm, wonderful, happy and exciting feelings of todays events just ripped away by a batty old woman 😡 I understand why previous posters suggest you encourage/ask your mum to apologise to your DD but I’m not sure I’d waste the energy, save it for your lovely daughter and future wonderful days together! 🥳💐

Obviously YANBU but I doubt a thread of strangers on MN will have any impact on your DM. It would make more sense to enlist a relative to tell her how out of order she was.

Next time she texts you tell her to get fucked and then block her.

Don't bother showing her this. She will never admit to being wrong. Go NC and enjoy the peace.

I had a controlling mother, so she missed the first 3years of my twins life.
So sad really, but you’re an adult and your DD is 11 and not her daughter,
These decisions are not hers to make. In fact at age 11 it’s more your DD choice, less even yours, about what her hair should look like,
If your mum has blocked you that’s very sad
I hope she doesn't miss out on sharing your lives like my parents did and that she realises soon how unreasonable she has been.

The good news is your Mum has blocked you so you don't have to listen to her weird, self-entitled rants.

Also, it is less likely she controls your Dad and much more likely they share the same views.

Keep them both blocked. Life's too short.

Firstly, I hope your daughter loves her new hair! I bet she looks beautiful whether she has shorter or long hair. My DD had hers cut from butt to bob when she was about 12, she too looked fabulous (and still does 14 years later, she grows from bob to bum, donates it, then does it all over again 😂).

Your mother sounds controlling & frankly, unhinged. My MIL was like that (and utterly sadistic, things like telling our joint dentist I was a heroin addict with track marks, which yes, I do have scarring & marks on my inner arm, like many of us regular blood donors 🙄) and I’ll be very honest, in the times she’d flounce I’d breathe a sigh of relief as I’d feel so much safer without having to dance around her possessive jealousy regarding my DH & DD.

I hope (even knowing there’s more chance of hell freezing over if she’s anything like my Mum & MIL) that she apologises to you both. There’s no need for histrionics over a bloody haircut! So what if it isn’t what she likes? It wasn’t her hair that was being cut!

I suppose every deserves another chance. Maybe she just needs a bit longer to realise she is not a little girl to spend time plaiting her hair. The first time my young Niece had a first haircut it was a bit of a shock.

Just read your OP to DH, got halfway through before he said it’s not the grandmother’s business.

YANBU at all. Your DM is being outrageous. Hope your DD enjoys her haircut and your DM calms down and grows up.

My daughter (12) has hair to her shins. Its gorgeous. She's had 1 hair cut with a few inches taken off and a lot of trims to keep the ends looking nice.

She is FOREVER being questioned about when she's getting it cut and told she should donate it. I also get questioned why I haven't had it all cut off. My reposonse is that it's not my hair so it's not my business.

The hair on another person's head has fuck all to do with another person. My daughter started responding that as soon as they donate all their hair to a charity, maybe she will think about it, but until then they shouldn't be suggesting it to her.

Your kid is old enough to decide what length that she wants her hair to be. It's got nothing to do with your mum, or even you if I'm honest.

Give your daughter a huge hug and tell her she is beautiful. I'm sure her hair I lovely.

How strange! My daughter asked for her hair to be cut and has had it done, aged 5. I wouldn't dream of holding an opinion on how someone else's hair should look.

Why on earth do some grandparents act as if they own their dgc? I really don’t get it. I’m a granny but I’d never expect to have any say in their lives. It’s very, very bizarre.

100% her daughter's choice & totally irrelevant whether it grows back or not!

Bad enough that your DD had to get through you to ok her haircut, let alone your mum. Poor kid.

😂😂😂
you have got to be joking??