Page 3 | Mum gone ballistic!

Pandermonium · 2023-02-14T18:26:08+00:00

So my daughter just had her 11th birthday, she asked to have her hair cut (was down to her bum, but getting dry and ratty). In town so decided to let her do it, she chose a style and had it cut below her shoulder. It looks beautiful and she's really happy with it. Her grandmother saw it (my mum) and blew her top. Saying she didn't want it cut and made my daughter cry. I told her she was out of order, it's not her hair and not her decision. She has now blocked me. So who's being unreasonable? YABU: you went against the grandmothers wishes, shouldn't have allowed her to cut her hair. YANBU: your daughter, your choice.

user1471538283 · 14/02/2023 19:02

It was your daughter's choice and you agreed with her. Your daughter is exercising bodily autonomy. I'm sure she looks gorgeous. There is nothing better than having your hair styled.

It has nothing to do with your DM. Ignore her back.

LookingOldTheseDays · 14/02/2023 19:04

It's not "your daughter your choice". At eleven years old she can choose for herself, and has done so.

Your mother is obviously BU.

Kelljo83 · 14/02/2023 19:05

Sorry but your mum is being a big spoilt brat! How dare she do that to your daughter!? I would be FUMING if that happened to my child.
How can she then block you?! F THAT!! sorry but I'd block her and until she apologises to your daughter and you, there's no way I'd speak to her. Disgusting behaviour making your daughter cry!!

JudgeRudy · 14/02/2023 19:05

Gran's out of order......however, try to think how shocked you were at her behaviour as your daughter cried....well that's how shocked she was when her little granddaughter turned up looking like a young lady. I'm not saying that excuses her behaviour but it might explain why she blurted that out.
There was a post on here recently about someone who's friend had lost a significant amount of weight. She was surprised and a bit unsettled by it. Whilst she was pleased that her friend had made a positive change and was happier, part of her was grieving for her old cuddly fat friend. Maybe that's how your mums feeling.
I don't think blocking her is the answer. Where would you go from there. She'll realise what's she's done and likely she'd a few tears. I get you're being protective and this has brought out your inner lioness. Don't throw away an otherwise relationship over this.
Maybe let your daughter and gran speak first.

grumpycow1 · 14/02/2023 19:05

Sorry that your mother is like this and has made you even question if this behaviour is normal, it’s not. Now she has blocked you, block her back and keep this damaging person out of your daughter’s life. Hugs x

Anniegetyourgun · 14/02/2023 19:07

The hair cut sounds lovely. That your mother has huffed off because of it can only be regarded as a bonus!

I'm speaking as a fond grandmother myself (they're a little younger than your DD). I can't imagine trying to tell DS and DIL what they are allowed to let their own children do to their own hair. They'd give me such an earwigging - and I would deserve it.

rainbowtwist · 14/02/2023 19:07

JudgeRudy · 14/02/2023 19:05

Gran's out of order......however, try to think how shocked you were at her behaviour as your daughter cried....well that's how shocked she was when her little granddaughter turned up looking like a young lady. I'm not saying that excuses her behaviour but it might explain why she blurted that out.
There was a post on here recently about someone who's friend had lost a significant amount of weight. She was surprised and a bit unsettled by it. Whilst she was pleased that her friend had made a positive change and was happier, part of her was grieving for her old cuddly fat friend. Maybe that's how your mums feeling.
I don't think blocking her is the answer. Where would you go from there. She'll realise what's she's done and likely she'd a few tears. I get you're being protective and this has brought out your inner lioness. Don't throw away an otherwise relationship over this.
Maybe let your daughter and gran speak first.

Goodness what utter shite. Ignore this OP. It's not about your mum.

Isithotinhere · 14/02/2023 19:07

Your daughters choice, she's not a doll for your mum to play with. Hope your mum apologises to your daughter.

iolaus · 14/02/2023 19:08

I would say it's your daughter and your daughter's hair and therefore HER choice - not yours or your mothers

My mother confessed years later when I was an adult that when I was 13/14 and cut my almost waist length hair my dad cried as he didn't want me to - but he never told me that

Nain5 · 14/02/2023 19:09

Control freak, my mother was like that wouldn't let me wash my own hair until I was 16. Your daughter not hers, simples.

BatshitBanshee · 14/02/2023 19:10

Personally I'd block her back and never ever deal with her again. What a horrible bitch.

Hellybelly84 · 14/02/2023 19:11

The fact that you need to ask this shows how much you have been controlled by her for so long.

If that had been my Mum, I can categorically say I would never speak to her again in my life. Firstly for upsetting my daughter and secondly for being a controlling nutcase. She has no control over your life or your daughter’s life. Block her, dont speak to her unless she can prove to you she is actively getting help. She has severe problems.

OhDeniseReally · 14/02/2023 19:12

@Pandermonium I am so sorry to hear that. I would have to remove myself from a relationship with her before she does any more damage to your DD or you x

MuggleMe · 14/02/2023 19:13

My 8yo has just had 10 inches cut bringing it up to a long bob. It was gorgeous and curly but so thick she was finding it hard to look after. As her mum I accepted her bodily autonomy, absolutely her choice.

Original poster

Pandermonium · 14/02/2023 19:15

iolaus · 14/02/2023 19:08

I would say it's your daughter and your daughter's hair and therefore HER choice - not yours or your mothers

My mother confessed years later when I was an adult that when I was 13/14 and cut my almost waist length hair my dad cried as he didn't want me to - but he never told me that

Aww your dad sounds so sweet. That is lovely he didn't tell you, even though it upset him.
Yes absolutely it is my dd choice, I have no idea how to amend it otherwise i would to better explain why I wrote it that way (I have said further back).

OP posts:

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 14/02/2023 19:15

She is not over-protective.

She is controlling.

My mum is not quite in the same league but wouldn’t consider that saying ‘oh! I’m so disappointed’ was inappropriate. Even though she’d be terrified / anxious if someone behaved similarly to her.

YANBU.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 14/02/2023 19:15

@Pandermonium I believe it. Mine was v much "Get your hair cut" pretty much every time I saw her once I'd escaped left home.
As long as your DD is happy, and from what you've said, she is, that's all that really matters.
Your mum can wind her neck in.

Millana · 14/02/2023 19:15

Option c. Your daughter's hair. Your daughter's choice.

When my daughter got her hair cut, my mum and dad were the same. I knew it would happen so warned my daughter in advance. As soon as my mum started being negative I reminded her that it was my daughter's hair and she loves it so if they can't say anything nice, they aren't to say anything.

Let your mum sulk. Spend your time and effort reassuring your daughter and giving her the confidence of body autonomy.

JudgeRudy · 14/02/2023 19:16

rainbowtwist · 14/02/2023 19:07

Goodness what utter shite. Ignore this OP. It's not about your mum.

Show quote history

You are of course correct that it's not about your Mum but that doesn't mean what I've said is shite. It's a possible explanation as to why she said what she said. It doesn't seem improbable. Maybe she'll be reflecting now its had time to 'settle'.
The proviso should have said "don't throw away an otherwise GOOD relationship for this" (I nipped to loo mid post). Whilst there's no doubt she's wrong I do think its a forgivable offence provided gran is truly sorry.

Newyorkcity123 · 14/02/2023 19:16

PennyFarthings · 14/02/2023 18:28

I'll go with option 3. Nothing to do with either of you, her hair, her choice.

This

BashfulClam · 14/02/2023 19:16

iolaus · 14/02/2023 19:08

I would say it's your daughter and your daughter's hair and therefore HER choice - not yours or your mothers

My mother confessed years later when I was an adult that when I was 13/14 and cut my almost waist length hair my dad cried as he didn't want me to - but he never told me that

My Dad wasn’t happy when I first got my hair cut from past my bum to my shoulders. He said he preferred it long but that was it. He knew it was my choice. Also he didn’t have to wash, dry and style it when it was long. My mum was brutal with a hairbrush, pulling out massive tugs with no care that it hurts as it was attached to a scalp.

viques · 14/02/2023 19:16

Did the grandmother grow every hair on her own head before transferring it follicle by follicle to her grand daughter? No , she didn’t. So get back in the corner granny before you embarrass yourself even further.

Choconut · 14/02/2023 19:18

You mother sounds like a narcissist. It would be much healthier for all of you to cut ties I'd imagine.

Original poster

Pandermonium · 14/02/2023 19:19

OhDeniseReally · 14/02/2023 19:12

@Pandermonium I am so sorry to hear that. I would have to remove myself from a relationship with her before she does any more damage to your DD or you x

Thank you, unfortunately you're right. When it was just me she directed her anger and abuse at I could cope. I've spent a long time learning how to shut off from it.
But now she's upset my children, I won't allow that.
They do not need to ever feel like I did, growing up.

OP posts:

JudgeRudy · 14/02/2023 19:19

@iolaus My mother confessed years later when I was an adult that when I was 13/14 and cut my almost waist length hair my dad cried as he didn't want me to - but he never told me that

My mother did similar at 15. Her dad called her a 'brazen hussy'! She nearly 80 and still talks about it now!