Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On holiday and Annoyed!

348 replies

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:04

First day of holiday today and had an altercation with another guest. I have never had an argument with a stranger before so feeling a little deflated and upset. DH as usual totally dismissed my feelings and told me to just” get over it”. This other guest kept looking over our table disgusted a few times. First I thought my child was being noisy (toddler) so I told him to be quiet which he did, second time he was sucking a slice of lemon which I think is fine as he likes it and she was shouting something in another language with her family and screwing her nose and mouth at my toddler.

I was sitting opposite her on table behind so she was directly in my eyeline. Husband was sitting on the right opposite my son so no one on the seat directly infront of me so I could see her every reaction. I avoided looking at her at this point and just kept interacting with my son. Once we got up to move she was being very obvious by pointing and shouting and her whole family (3 kids and husband) were turning around looking at our table. My DH pretended he didn’t notice this and proceeded walking outside with our son I stayed back to pack his beaker etc. I then asked her if everything okay and if we did something to upset her she started yelling in English now saying it’s bad for the environment to waste food. My son and myself had eaten our food but husband had some left in his plate which she wouldn’t have seen till he got up to leave. I told her it’s not her business and she said I was destroying the planet and should be ashamed! I wish I had asked her what’s worse for the planet having 3 kids or wasting food but I obviously didn’t say it’s not nice. I was really upset and embarrassed as other guests were looking my way.

What would you have done? We have to spend next 6 days here. I’m really annoyed at this woman. It’s a small resort and we can’t go out so I will be bumping into her at every meal time. Only one restaurant here too.

OP posts:
SolitaryRedFox · 15/02/2023 16:21

I am white. If I was eating in a restaurant and saw a white woman pulling faces and making weird comments to the only family of colour in a restaurant I would immediately assume it was race related. And feel disgusted and ashamed that this still happens.

Having said this not only whites are racist. I have lived in China and witnessed the ethnically Chinese being horrendously racist towards foreigners who are people of colour,

People say you can't assume it is racism. In circumstances like this you have to assume racism.

Hearmeout · 15/02/2023 16:40

SolitaryRedFox · 15/02/2023 16:21

I am white. If I was eating in a restaurant and saw a white woman pulling faces and making weird comments to the only family of colour in a restaurant I would immediately assume it was race related. And feel disgusted and ashamed that this still happens.

Having said this not only whites are racist. I have lived in China and witnessed the ethnically Chinese being horrendously racist towards foreigners who are people of colour,

People say you can't assume it is racism. In circumstances like this you have to assume racism.

You absolutely don't have to assume anything, as you weren't there.

Bjw8290 · 15/02/2023 16:44

I want to go on holiday with you...pea war...classic

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/02/2023 16:45

How on earth has this 'ruined your holiday?'

Just sounds like you're bored and after a bit of drama.

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:50

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:22

Thank you everyone so much x

going to dinner soon. Feel a little butterflies in my tummy lol!

A bit of excitement perhaps.

Distraction from the fact you’re unhappily married to a man who “as usual” downplays your feelings

Hawkins003 · 15/02/2023 16:59

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:22

Thank you everyone so much x

going to dinner soon. Feel a little butterflies in my tummy lol!

That's odd behavior from the other person, all the best , I guess just be yourself as its a mix of perspectives at times from different people

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/02/2023 17:02

How DARE you upset a random stranger on holiday!

Seriously - I'd be retorting with "Who made YOU the dining room police, then?"

Floomobal · 15/02/2023 17:05

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:00

All this OP, is you trying to distract yourself from this…

DH as usual totally dismissed my feelings and told me to just” get over it”.

To be fair to her husband, if a random woman on holiday can have such an effect on her, he might just be getting a bit sick of the drama

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 17:09

Floomobal · 15/02/2023 17:05

To be fair to her husband, if a random woman on holiday can have such an effect on her, he might just be getting a bit sick of the drama

Show quote history

Agreed.

but it was the “as usual”

Either way - sounds a thoroughly unenjoyable “family” holiday.

Deathraystare · 15/02/2023 17:17

Poor woman - obvs needs a holiday.

Try a head tilt. "You ok Hun??"

Swap places with your oblivious Husband. Raise a glass to her (no! don't slice her throat!!). Say Happy Holiday!!! Then get on with your meal.

shockthemonkey · 15/02/2023 17:29

If POC assume racism when they are treated differently to others in the circumstances described by the OP, then you have to ask why. Could it be that, a lot of the time, they are right?

This was brought home to me years ago when I was caught in a traffic jam travelling with my DH and two DSs. We were pointing at a restaurant to our right, and laughing because its name translated very badly into English. We thought it was funny and we began talking about all the other funny names we have found here in France, like the pet shop called "Doggy Style". Anyway it was all terribly funny, until the guy in the lane just to our right, whose car was slap in between us and the offending restaurant, wound his window down to talk to us. Thinking he might be needing directions, I wound my down and am so happy I didn't get a chance to ask him if he was lost. Instead he came straight in with "do you have a problem with me?". I was momentarily lost for words as I realised he was very dark of skin and probably thought we were making fun of him. He was wrong of course, and we explained what the joke was about, and he was very gracious. Thinking back, he was a reasonable guy and although in our case he was wrong, he must have very good reason to think there was some very overt racism going on there.

I am mortified for this guy and the life experiences he must have had to feel the way he did. My few friends who are POC have had, by comparison, a much better run of things but I am sure that, by and large, they have been lucky.

ViburnumFarreri · 15/02/2023 17:38

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:59

What did the rest of her table do?

the husband was quiet and her kids (teenagers) also were quiet

I bet they were mortified, @Mummy322 !

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 17:41

I’d put money on this being a case of a plate piled high with pastries from the buffet that were picked at and then left

new2mn · 15/02/2023 17:41

@shockthemonkey your example of oversensitivity (as much as you claim to caveat it's justified) is a bit odd, most people would be very pissed off if they thought you were pointing and laughing at them! Also no, I'm sure your friends probably just can't be arsed to have to explain their life experiences to you - I personally can't really be bothered to in real life, no more than I would vent to a male friend about misogynistic encounters. It's easier to talk to people who themselves understand.

Goodread1 · 15/02/2023 17:48

Hi Op

Some people are just plain and simple thick weird Arseholes like this woman you have had misfortune,
I am not sure if she is racist or not,

But she definitely petty weird that's for sure...

Don't let her get under your skin so much she is simple not worth it,

What a freak with her attitude

Pearfacebananapoop · 15/02/2023 17:58

My sister has a mixed race child and often gets strange comments and pointing on holiday - predominantly off Germans.

It could be racism. She sounds batshit either way. Trip her up by the pool if she starts again... I think you handled her very well.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/02/2023 18:06

Having said this not only whites are racist.

Completely agree with this too from my own observations in an ethnically diverse work place.

MathiasBroucek · 15/02/2023 18:07

It's a cliche but you can't control other people, only how you react to them. Easier to say than to do but don't give her the power!

EverythingButTheName · 15/02/2023 18:16

as someone who lives next door to an ex friend who is equally unhinged and tried to get us evicted, be thankful after this week you’ll never see her again, don’t give her the head space, she’s not worth it and you did the right thing to not be aggressive back. She sounds awful. Enjoy the rest of your holiday!

LeandraDear · 15/02/2023 18:28

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/02/2023 15:52

This. There is something wrong with her, and she probably is racist on top of that. Tell the management she is making your mealtimes unpleasant and ask them to rectify it. It will be up to them to speak to her, move her, whatever. Do not engage further with her, at all. Ignoring her is the best course.

Show quote history

This is absolutely mental on the basis of one encounter apart from the last sentence.

LeandraDear · 15/02/2023 18:31

Tigertigertigertiger · 15/02/2023 12:39

Sitting here laughing at those calling racism and others asking “was she French”

Well of course racism only applies to certain groups......

Vinomummyinlockdown · 15/02/2023 19:32

Tell her that her gas-bagging, talking crap is killing the environment and enjoy your holiday

Patbutchersearrings1 · 15/02/2023 20:07

I think you should be sure to waste some food on a daily basis-save them up over the week in a carrier bag (or better a dog poo bag if you have one handy) and hand it over to the crazy racist cow on the final night and dump in her lap as a leaving gift! Hopefully she'll be able to feast for another week on your lovely leftovers! Enjoy your holiday 😊

shockthemonkey · 15/02/2023 21:39

new2mn · 15/02/2023 17:41

@shockthemonkey your example of oversensitivity (as much as you claim to caveat it's justified) is a bit odd, most people would be very pissed off if they thought you were pointing and laughing at them! Also no, I'm sure your friends probably just can't be arsed to have to explain their life experiences to you - I personally can't really be bothered to in real life, no more than I would vent to a male friend about misogynistic encounters. It's easier to talk to people who themselves understand.

You’re wrong there @new2mn

Lights22 · 15/02/2023 22:14

YesitsBess · 14/02/2023 15:07

Flick peas at her during meal times. Constantly.

Train toddler to do same.

There is no engagement with people like this so I'm afraid it's pea war. 😎

You win at this