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AIBU?

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Original poster

On holiday and Annoyed!

348 replies

Mummy322 · 14/02/2023 15:04

First day of holiday today and had an altercation with another guest. I have never had an argument with a stranger before so feeling a little deflated and upset. DH as usual totally dismissed my feelings and told me to just” get over it”. This other guest kept looking over our table disgusted a few times. First I thought my child was being noisy (toddler) so I told him to be quiet which he did, second time he was sucking a slice of lemon which I think is fine as he likes it and she was shouting something in another language with her family and screwing her nose and mouth at my toddler.

I was sitting opposite her on table behind so she was directly in my eyeline. Husband was sitting on the right opposite my son so no one on the seat directly infront of me so I could see her every reaction. I avoided looking at her at this point and just kept interacting with my son. Once we got up to move she was being very obvious by pointing and shouting and her whole family (3 kids and husband) were turning around looking at our table. My DH pretended he didn’t notice this and proceeded walking outside with our son I stayed back to pack his beaker etc. I then asked her if everything okay and if we did something to upset her she started yelling in English now saying it’s bad for the environment to waste food. My son and myself had eaten our food but husband had some left in his plate which she wouldn’t have seen till he got up to leave. I told her it’s not her business and she said I was destroying the planet and should be ashamed! I wish I had asked her what’s worse for the planet having 3 kids or wasting food but I obviously didn’t say it’s not nice. I was really upset and embarrassed as other guests were looking my way.

What would you have done? We have to spend next 6 days here. I’m really annoyed at this woman. It’s a small resort and we can’t go out so I will be bumping into her at every meal time. Only one restaurant here too.

OP posts:
ColdHandsHotHead · 15/02/2023 12:19

To be honest, I think you need to work on your confidence a bit. She was clearly being unreasonable so a shrug and a bit of side-eye would have been all that was necessary. Don't let her spoil your mealtimes there.

CheshireCat1 · 15/02/2023 12:38

I would have just starting laughing and walked off.

Tigertigertigertiger · 15/02/2023 12:39

Sitting here laughing at those calling racism and others asking “was she French”

shockthemonkey · 15/02/2023 13:07

Tigertigertigertiger · 15/02/2023 08:57

Thank you for being the voice of reason.
I am shocked at the assumption this is racism

Show quote history

I'm sorry but it seems highly likely that there is at least a bit of racism mixed in there.

I mean, they stick out like a sore thumb, OP says, with very few POC where they are.

It's not that people are saying "racism without a doubt", but surely it's a distinct possibility? That is where my mind would go.

zingally · 15/02/2023 13:07

Your DH is kinda right. By giving this obviously-nuts woman head space, you're allowing her to spoil your holiday. Give yourself one more minute to feel annoyed, then make a conscious effort to put her out of mind. Concentrate on your family.

shockthemonkey · 15/02/2023 13:10

... however, the shouting and pointing kind of swings it away from French and towards pure loony. Maybe a slightly racist loony?

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday, OP

Kennykenkencat · 15/02/2023 13:16

I think I would have pointed out her and her family if they were so concerned about the environment then maybe they shouldn’t have come on holiday.

You can’t argue with stupid. I think I wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face with the comment about food wastage given you hadn’t left anything and it was your Dh.

I would have called him to come back so she could say the same to his face.

But there again I take what people say literally and would have looked at my empty plate and pointed out I hadn’t actually left anything.
So what did she actually mean.

She sounds unhinged.

I would put in a complaint to management that they are shouting at people in the restaurant and making you feel uncomfortable
She might have other complaints against her.

RadioactiveWear · 15/02/2023 13:22

Every time you see her, wave and say “hiya” really loudly. Show her you aren’t intimidated.

new2mn · 15/02/2023 13:28

If she's as bonkers as you describe, she'll soon be picking fights with other guests OP, leave her to it and let her new targets distract her

new2mn · 15/02/2023 13:30

Oh, just seen it could be racism. If she's nice to everyone else including other food wasters, then yes I would consider it so, and be v upset about it.

Hearmeout · 15/02/2023 13:44

Tigertigertigertiger · 15/02/2023 12:39

Sitting here laughing at those calling racism and others asking “was she French”

Sssshh @Tigertigertigertiger don't call out the hypocrisy, people HATE that 😂

Lollypop701 · 15/02/2023 13:46

Blow kisses at her if you see her again? Offer her the leftovers? Big grin and offer her a high five… lots of options (probably best to ignore her but I’m childish 😂)

new2mn · 15/02/2023 13:51

I know the comments above were lighthearted but tbh, I envy those who can joke and eyeroll at any mention of racism. I'm not white plus have an accent that is probably historically the most widely mocked ("ching chong"), and people in the UK have acted like total nutters around me or other non white people, but then have turned around and were somehow able to be perfectly sweet and pleasant to everyone else white, including my DH when he turns up. It's a bit Jekyll and Hyde. It has absolutely happened before, more than once.

new2mn · 15/02/2023 13:53

Sorry, that should have said SOME people in the UK - I mention UK not to make negative generalisations, but because I now live here as a foreigner obviously!

Hearmeout · 15/02/2023 13:59

new2mn · 15/02/2023 13:51

I know the comments above were lighthearted but tbh, I envy those who can joke and eyeroll at any mention of racism. I'm not white plus have an accent that is probably historically the most widely mocked ("ching chong"), and people in the UK have acted like total nutters around me or other non white people, but then have turned around and were somehow able to be perfectly sweet and pleasant to everyone else white, including my DH when he turns up. It's a bit Jekyll and Hyde. It has absolutely happened before, more than once.

I think people are attempting to keep it lighthearted because there's no way of knowing if that person was racist at all and the take a thread about a kick off over a holiday buffer down that road might be completely misconstruing this woman's motives.

Not liking someone's actions does not automatically make a person racist and the assumption that it MUST be the reason is a real problem. Someone eye rolling a being a dick does not automatically make them racist either. They may well be, they might not be. The assumption and the subsequent pitchfork pile on is the issue.

new2mn · 15/02/2023 14:08

@Hearmeout* *Someone eye rolling a being a dick does not automatically make them racist either.

Woah! I don't know if you're implying I said that, or if I'm misreading what you wrote, but I absolutely did not say anything of that nature. I was simply contributing my perspective as to why OP might be upset and have certain doubts especially based on more straightforward past experiences. You can think of my post as just directed towards OP / for OP's reading, if that helps.

new2mn · 15/02/2023 14:12

@Hearmeout OK, just skimmed previous pages and I think you were referring to that - I wouldn't want to wade into those arguments! Again just think of my post as making the point that yes, Jekyll and Hyde behaviour does exist, and it can sound ludicrous or implausible for those who are not usually on the receiving end of that. I was fortunate enough to have been in the major ethnic group back in my home country so it has been an unwanted education for me to say the least...

Hearmeout · 15/02/2023 14:23

new2mn · 15/02/2023 14:12

@Hearmeout OK, just skimmed previous pages and I think you were referring to that - I wouldn't want to wade into those arguments! Again just think of my post as making the point that yes, Jekyll and Hyde behaviour does exist, and it can sound ludicrous or implausible for those who are not usually on the receiving end of that. I was fortunate enough to have been in the major ethnic group back in my home country so it has been an unwanted education for me to say the least...

Yes sorry, I didn't actually mean to quote you directly, it was a general post about the general direction of the thread

Floomobal · 15/02/2023 15:39

I think you were right to ask, as she was obviously being rude and making you uncomfortable.

However, I don’t agree with you letting anyone make you feel like you want to stay in your room whilst on holiday, or dread going to the pool/restaurant etc.

She’s obviously crazy. Ignore her, because you’ll never win. However, if she says anything else to you, I’d be tempted to take your leftovers to her table as you leave the restaurant, and offer them to her

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 15:42

At buffets on holiday I am sometimes quietly appalled at the waste. Towering plates of pastries in front of toddlers, who then pick at a couple and leave.

But I keep to myself (or murmer quietly to whomever I am holidaying with)!

leithreas · 15/02/2023 15:57

Personally, I wouldn't have engaged with her. I don't see what positives you thought there were to gain from engaging with an obvious eejit? I would be annoyed with my dh if he entertained such nonsense tbh, her problems are not ours but you make them yours when you start engaging with her as you have found out.

Ursuladevinia82 · 15/02/2023 16:00

All this OP, is you trying to distract yourself from this…

DH as usual totally dismissed my feelings and told me to just” get over it”.

Teateaandmoretea · 15/02/2023 16:00

@new2mn I agree. I have seen it the other way at work - a customer is nice to me and then goes and kicks off at my black colleague. I was totally confused at the time until someone pointed it out to me. Coincidence…. well he’d never met either of us before. Similar happened a few times over the years.

Mumsanetta · 15/02/2023 16:00

You did absolutely nothing wrong in asking this woman what her problem was. Now that you have established that she is just miserable/batshit/racist and most likely can’t be reasoned with, I suggest focussing on how ridiculous she is. Ignore her and when that’s not possible, laugh at her. People like her thrive on confrontation so don’t give it to her and make her suffer by seeing what an amazing time you’re having with your beautiful family.

AppleIsMyName · 15/02/2023 16:03

Teateaandmoretea · 15/02/2023 16:00

@new2mn I agree. I have seen it the other way at work - a customer is nice to me and then goes and kicks off at my black colleague. I was totally confused at the time until someone pointed it out to me. Coincidence…. well he’d never met either of us before. Similar happened a few times over the years.

Some will say the customer is just being a twat and it has nothing to do with racism... Very glad you noticed it BTW