Emotionally manipulative boss

[JudithChalmersIsMyMum]

I've name changed as this is probably outing.
I'm in a situation and I need some advice - this isn't a case of just leaving a job - that is the problem.

I feel I am being abused emotionally by my boss. To be very clear I have a purely professional relationship with him, but he is a bully and a narcissist. I've seen this over many years. He's awful to his wife and children. He's a truly unpleasant individual.

I was recently head hunted and offered a new position - it was a fabulous opportunity. I spoke to my current boss and he has emotionally manipulated the situation and I have turned down the job offer (after first accepting). I feel awful as I've messed everyone at the new company around.

It is a small company with no HR department. My boss flirts with the rules of employment and actually doesn't care. He hates people going on holiday, doesn't pay sick leave, and is mostly vile 90% of the time. I know sick leave doesn't have to be paid and I have never been off sick (too afraid to do so).
I thought I'd managed to escape but he's so bloody clever and is back to bullying me again today after the emotions of yesterday.

I've been here 3 years and I feel like I'm in a abusive relationship if that makes sense.

I thought they had offered you the job from your post. Hence why I was confused you hadn't resigned ! When do you expect to get an offer from them.

Well done on accepting the new job. Now submit your resignation letter and if necessary go off sick so you don't have to deal with him.

Well done OP!!

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let this abusive wanker talk you out of it again.

I forbid you!!! 😜

Brilliant news OP!

Well done!

Hope you have the courage to follow through and take up new position, no matter what boss does tomorrow onwards.

Hooray! Go and be your fabulous self.

Have been following this thread with bated breath, hoping that you hand your notice in - so well done you!!!

Now do as a pp said and make a big 'fuck you' exit!!!!

So pleased for you OP.

Freedom awaits.

Any threats, or inappropriate behaviour, contact the police.

Good luck.

Well done. Next step is your resignation. Email it to your horrible boss tomorrow. No need to discuss anything with him. Just a factual statement that you are giving x weeks notice and confirmation of your last working day. Can you give minimal notice and if necessary self certify as sick for the duration?

Brilliant, congratulations OP! And remember don't let him bully you into staying this time.

So what if he mocks, undermines, goads etc when you hand your notice in. Instead of letting him manipulate you into thinking you aren't good enough for the new job, use everything he says as validation that you are doing the right thing (and remember that they want you enough to have come back even though you told them no)

YASSSSSS!

Well done @JudithChalmersIsMyMum

Stay strong. You're nearly out of there!

OP, can we chip in to send a barbershop trio to deliver the news to your STBXBoss? Trying to think creatively here…

So pleased for you! Well done.

Hope you can put your resignation in tomorrow! What a joy that'll be for you.

@JudithChalmersIsMyMum Amazing news, congratulations. Get that awful man in your rearview mirror and don't look back. And again, remember, they want you. You've already proven yourself. Go into that job feeling confident, you've got this!

A lot of people would be tempted to reply to his belittling remarks with "since you have such a poor opinion of me and my ability, best I move on!".

Congratulations 🎊 don't let him grind you down anymore. Chin up and if it gets too difficult to work your notice leave earlier.

Congratulations and enjoy your new job and freedom

Congratulations. Have the courage of mn behind you when you give your boss notice tomorrow. Brace yourself for his response and keep smiling. We are all in your corner.

If it helps (probably won't) I resigned from
A job a few years ago that I knew deep down I was good at, had previous glowing feedback in, great relationships with area managers, regional managers, customer responses etc, tangible success in many ways, and fantastic "sideways" relationships with peers. My GM, and immediate boss, sexually harassed me and I left due to the shame of it. I still hate that I quit something I was good at, because of a "boys network"

That's no good to you at this point, but just to say, I hear you, and im sorry you've gone through this.

I wish you well. It's tough out there.

I volunteer for Alto and cartoon extending boxing glove to the testicles 😃

Yay! Go you!!!👍

This would be amazing.

Get that go fund me started!!!! 😆

Congrats Judith... this is your Yazz moment

Stay strong as you navigate the final exit. Ignore and avoid him as much as possible. That includes keeping colleagues nearby and in hearing at all times. Practice saying aloud "What a horrible thing to say" as loudly as possible. "Or I am not responding to such an aggressive remark."

Most of all Plan something LOVELY such as seeing kind friends for a drink for your last day so you can just look forward to that. ps. Leave early. Sick leave if possible.

Congratulations Judith! 👏🏼👏🏼💐Well done for getting this job and not letting big bully boss get the better of you. Keep it nice and neutral with bully boy and if he tries to pull you down again, tell him “oh dear, it’s just as well I’m leaving, you obviously don’t think I’m capable which is odd given I’ve been doing the job for the last x years…” 🙄

I’ve just come back to the thread. I do hope you get the formal offer soon and have a good weekend. 😀