To ask what it is about adulthood that didn’t meet your childhood expectations (lighthearted)

[TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl]

For me, from various sources such as parental threats, what I was taught in school and those scary public safety message videos, I did not expect:

• How difficult it ACTUALLY is to ‘have someone’s eye out’. You’d have thought doing something like running too fast would result in this but I’ve never met a person who only has one eye due to being whipped with a towel by their sibling
• Never once needed to recall Pythagoras theorem
• The distinct lack of stim king acirss quicksand and lack of opportunity to retrieve frisbees from pylons
• Not being smacked as a child has not resulted in me being a spoilt brat with no coping skills, as my mum was promised I’d be!

I don’t know what ‘stim king acriss’ is. I meant ‘stumbling across’

I've never once come close to having my arm broken by a swan.

Having now visited Blackpool Illuminations, I struggle to see any resemblance between them and my childhood home when I accidentally left the landing light on.

A German friend of mine said she and her friends grew up being warned about leaving windows open during a storm as ball lightning would come in and chase them around their bedroom. I'd never even heard of ball lightning until she told me.

This wins

i do not have curly hair despite religiously eating my crusts

An endless supply of money.

I have never been sorry that I didn't eat all my cabbage because there were starving children in Africa who would enjoy it. And having a bath while having my period has not resulted in me catching a cold. Or getting pregnant. Or whatever unspoken thing it was the nuns warned me against.

When I was 22 I finally did the "ordering nothing but multiple desserts in a restaurant" that I'd wanted to do since I was a child.

Reader, it did not live up to my expectations.

Being able to eat all the sweets and chocolate that I want - I mean I can, but as a child you think you will every day all day and there will be no repercussions……but I guess this is how Weight Watchers and Slimming World keep members 😃

My Beanie Baby collection did not make me a rich adult, that has been ver6 disappointing.

I expected birthday parties and celebrations to just get better and better as a kid…..now, first and foremost, I’m at the point of dreading my birthday and the number rising, and second I’m lucky if I can gather my friends for dinner somewhere in the birthday month!

‘More’ magazine led me to drastically overestimate the number of positions sexual activity would take place in

That saying "luckily we've never been burgled before" did not lead to a burglar immediately robbing my house because I'd "tempted fate".

Me neither but this doesn’t stop me telling whoever I’m with when I see one “they’re capable of breaking your arm you know!” 🤣

Choosing what I want to eat for dinner each night lost its gloss after forming a family who all have their own opinions.

The nuns in my school said sitting on cold walls would give me piles.

I HAVE had piles that needed surgical removal but I’m 99% sure this was from pushing fat bastard DS out my vagina.

I regularly loiter around with wet hair, I’m a curly girl, yet I’ve never caught pneumonia.

Ive always eaten my vegetables and yet I don’t have a hairy chest.

That I have never had rats in my kitchen by leaving an orange peel on the side for 2 minutes.

Hahahahahahahahahah

This.

My face has never "stayed that way" - if it had I would look like a teenager now!

Have religiously ate carrots all my life....
Cannot see fuck all in the dark.

Never utilising the skill I was promised from various magazines would be an adult essential... how to take my eye make up from a day time to a night time look!

I've pulled a face and it has never stayed like it when windy.

I was pretty sure that sex only happens at night in bed and aaaaaall night long, for 8 good hours. Instead of sleep. Thank God my expectations were never met.

Am yet to be sick from eating too much chocolate.
Also have never come across quick sand as I expected to.
Have not ended up in the poor house despite the warnings I would (no idea why).

Neither the bread roll caterers placed by the side of my plate, nor sweets, nor ice-cream, have ever spoiled my appetite for a meal.

But I have actually used Pythagoras to work out things I needed to know to do with the side of my house, and with a tree in my garden.