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Original poster

To ask what it is about adulthood that didn’t meet your childhood expectations (lighthearted)

169 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 14/02/2023 11:24

For me, from various sources such as parental threats, what I was taught in school and those scary public safety message videos, I did not expect:

  • How difficult it ACTUALLY is to ‘have someone’s eye out’. You’d have thought doing something like running too fast would result in this but I’ve never met a person who only has one eye due to being whipped with a towel by their sibling
  • Never once needed to recall Pythagoras theorem
  • The distinct lack of stim king acirss quicksand and lack of opportunity to retrieve frisbees from pylons
  • Not being smacked as a child has not resulted in me being a spoilt brat with no coping skills, as my mum was promised I’d be!
OP posts:
CaramelMach · 14/02/2023 13:56

Having small babies is in no way like a doll. You can't just put it down and do what you want. It actually needs to be looked after however much it protests.

Bingoflings · 14/02/2023 13:56

Brilliant thread. I was told to stick my tongue out and if it was blue I was lying. I used to get so worried😂

GimmeBiscuits · 14/02/2023 13:59

Been out with wet hair many times and haven't caught my death of cold.
There is nothing at the foot of the stairs that is worthy of amazement.

GloomyDarkness · 14/02/2023 14:06

DH made out I was odd because I had formed the idea babies slept in cots.

I don't think I was taught this just sort of picked up the idea from TV I suppose- pfb slept in moving pushchair, on me or next to me in the bed - even the DGP with their views and determination couldn't outlast her - that was quite a readjustment.

Staticgirl · 14/02/2023 14:13

I didn't die after swallowing gum.

MadonnasSurgeon · 14/02/2023 14:21

Had an icecream cone filled with Mr Whippy style ice cream, then the usual icecream swirled on top, plus loads of toppings and a flake… something I’d always wanted since I was little…. Was very very sick and couldn’t face any sort of icecream for ages after!

Fluffleupagus · 14/02/2023 14:25

I do not have piles from sitting on a cold kerb. And eating in the street has not precluded me from being a normal functioning adult, and people are not aghast in horror when I do so.

FKATondelayo · 14/02/2023 14:35

I thought there would a lot more dinner parties and adultery.

Sadly the numerous Jilly Cooper / Joan Collins mini-series I watched as a kid lied to me about the number of dashing lovers I would keep while my husband was at work.

TiredandLate · 14/02/2023 14:45

Stressfordays · 14/02/2023 13:37

Always thought I can't wait to go to bed whenever I Want! Turns out that's actually 9pm.

Absolutely this ^

And discovering that accidentally leaving my interior light on in the car whilst driving did not result in my arrest or instant death.

ItisSailingTime · 14/02/2023 15:06

TossieFleacake · 14/02/2023 11:29

Having now visited Blackpool Illuminations, I struggle to see any resemblance between them and my childhood home when I accidentally left the landing light on.

Haha this made me laugh, not a day passed without my step dad saying this!

ItisSailingTime · 14/02/2023 15:10

AreBearsCatholic · 14/02/2023 11:33

‘More’ magazine led me to drastically overestimate the number of positions sexual activity would take place in

Ahh, good old 'position of the week' and it's unrealistic expectations

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/02/2023 15:16

fivetriangulartrees · 14/02/2023 11:30

A German friend of mine said she and her friends grew up being warned about leaving windows open during a storm as ball lightning would come in and chase them around their bedroom. I'd never even heard of ball lightning until she told me.

Germans have a thing about drafts.

Leirvassbu · 14/02/2023 15:20

I have never "caught my death of cold" by going out with wet hair.
I have never got an ear infection from "lolling around on the floor".
I have never got tonsilitis from eating ice-cream.

I've never "gone and got myself murdered" in a foreign country.

"Offering up" something I hated "for my sins" (ie. having to do something I didn't want to or eat something I didn't like) has never been of any help whatsoever as far as motivation is concerned.

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/02/2023 15:23

Blagdoon · 14/02/2023 12:04

I thought if you worked hard and got a good education you’d get a good job and be successful in life.

Nope. Turns out employers hire their family, their mates, their mates mates, and anyone else who is basically capable of the job and seems like a good laugh. They don’t hire the most qualified applicant because they’re worried it’ll make them look bad if the person is better than them. They don’t hire anyone who’s too ambitious because the person might “be after their job” or might not stick around long term if they get a better offer.

Basically you need to avoid achieving highly and be sort of in the middle - capable but not a threat. And being fun to work with is way more important than being hard working and capable. Which is totally not what I was told adult life was like.

This! Sigh.

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/02/2023 15:25

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 14/02/2023 12:32

I was told repeatedly by my maths teacher I wouldn't be walking around with a calculator in my pocket at all times.

I suppose she was kind of right, its more like a computer!

😆😆😆😆

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 14/02/2023 15:25
  1. I didn't marry a Prince, even though I couldn't find a frog to kiss first - at 10, hey, no brainer.
  2. I also didn't get diamond encrusted slippers.
  3. I have to do "cooking" and clean the kitchen and bathrooms.
  4. I have to be AN ADULT and can't throw a strop in the cereal aisle of Sainsburys because they've put their prices up AGAIN.
pussycatinfluffyslippers · 14/02/2023 15:26

Thinking about it...being an adult sucks.

thaisweetchill · 14/02/2023 15:27

Coming to the realisation that leaving the interior car lights on whilst driving is not illegal but then it's really annoying when your child wants them on

GoldenCupidon · 14/02/2023 15:42

School days were - so far - some of the worst days of my life. The boredom.

On the other hand just as the buttercups predicted I do actually like butter.

Hesma · 14/02/2023 15:46

I loved eating my carrots but at -8 and -6.25 I can’t see in daylight without my specs let alone the bloody dark 🤣

Poppy44 · 14/02/2023 15:50

TossieFleacake · 14/02/2023 11:29

Having now visited Blackpool Illuminations, I struggle to see any resemblance between them and my childhood home when I accidentally left the landing light on.

😂😂😂😂

Phrenologistsfinger · 14/02/2023 15:50

It’s all sh*t - relationships are ultimately unsatisfactory, I couldn’t have kids and I never got that house with a swimming pool and an ice cream factory. But I can choose all the pretty dresses I want, so there’s that.

Poppy44 · 14/02/2023 15:54

My eyes didn't go square.

My face never stuck when I put my tongue out.

I ate all my crusts and I still have to use a curling wand

3ormorecharacters · 14/02/2023 15:55

I thought alcohol must taste amazing the way adults consumed and spoke about it. Especially red wine, which I thought must be like supercharged grape juice. I still haven't overcome that disappointment.

Mammyloveswine · 14/02/2023 15:56

AreBearsCatholic · 14/02/2023 11:33

‘More’ magazine led me to drastically overestimate the number of positions sexual activity would take place in

GrinGrinGrin